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Original poster

9 weeks pregnant and battling with my partner over the pregnancy

46 replies

GillianD1 · 10/02/2019 15:59

I’m 21, I’m 2 months from finishing my undergraduate degree, and financially comfortable with a supportive family.
4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with my partner of a year and a half. Ever since, he has been trying to push me into an abortion, has told me to die in a car crash alongside baby, has tried to get me to take vitamins that could induce a miscarriage, and has jokingly flinched punches towards my stomach. Before we met I had a termination in which he said throughout the relationship he wouldn’t force me to do, as he called me a child killer during our relationship also. I know deep down I don’t want to have an abortion as I was diagnosed with PTSD after as psychologically I didn’t cope very well. However now I find myself feeling really alone, and being young quite nervous. I feel like I’m facing a brick wall and like there is no good way in this situation. Any advice would be really appreciated.

OP posts:

whitehorsesdonotlie · 10/02/2019 16:01

Leave him. I couldn’t forgive any of those things.

explodingkitten · 10/02/2019 16:02

I think that you need to leave your partner. He is very abusive to you, even trying to kill your baby. You need to get him out of your life before he harms either of you.

Stinkytoe · 10/02/2019 16:02

Honestly, I would get rid of him and never look back.

Regardless of what you choose regarding the pregnancy, you don’t need to be with a scumbag who says you should die in a car crash

Sparrowlegs248 · 10/02/2019 16:02

Leave him. What a prick.

zozozoo · 10/02/2019 16:04

Leave him you have the money and the support. It's not a long relationship. Try to document everything as it will give you a leg to stand on when he decides he wants to have custody. You'll be fine as will your child

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2019 16:09

Please please OP listen to us when we say you need to dump his abusive arse abdm ove in.

He doesn't want this baby, fine. He didn't have to have sex with you. But he's bullying and threatening you, he's trying to trick you into losing a baby and even before all this he calmed you a baby killer for having an abortion that had fuck all to do with him.

Do you live with him?

I'd ask someone else to be there with you and tell him it's over. He doesn't want a baby and you don't want to be in an abusive relationship

Redcrayonisthebest · 10/02/2019 16:09

Any one of those things you describe would have me heading for the hills frankly. Get rid of him then start to work out how you can do this on your own. You will cope! Good luck.

Mishappening · 10/02/2019 16:09

You are with the wrong man - wrong for any self-respecting woman. Move on.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/02/2019 16:10

Leave him before those punches are real. No good man does that.

punishmepunisher · 10/02/2019 16:11

He sounds delightful.

Bin him, then make the decision on what you want to do. By yourself. Do not involve him.

PickAChew · 10/02/2019 16:12

How can you be in any doubt about not wanting to stay on the same postcode as this vile man?

Original poster

GillianD1 · 10/02/2019 16:13

No we don’t live together. He’s a Royal Marine so lives on a military base. He’s never been abusive to me before this pregnancy, it’s why I’m struggling to even comprehend what’s happening as it’s a totally new side that I hadn’t seen before.

OP posts:

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 16:14

He is an abusive cunt. Just get that through your head. He will never change. Tell him it's over, cut him out of your life and do not put him on the birth certificate or give the baby his surname.

Sparrowlegs248 · 10/02/2019 16:15

He called you a child killer. That's pretty abusive.

WellBHouse · 10/02/2019 16:16

Leave him. Even one of those things are not acceptable. Abusive men often show their true colours when you are vulnerable and get pregnant. Leave him, finish your degree. Get some immediate counselling to decide whether you want this baby now as a single mum, and don’t just have this baby to try and repair old wounds. You can have support, have a termination and find a loving supportive partner for the future to have a family with.

lubeybooby · 10/02/2019 16:16

pregnancy is often when abuse starts - he's showing his true colours here and as the pregnancy becomes visible he'll only get worse

this behaviour is not acceptable from a partner

I know women have it drummed into us to 'stand by your man, work on it blah blah' but that does not apply when there is threatening and abusive behaviour from them

you must protect yourself and your baby

SlimGin · 10/02/2019 16:17

So he wants you to have an abortion however has called you a 'baby killer' for doing so in the past.
He's awful, you have to leave him. If you want to keep the baby you'll be a happier and better mother without him psychologically abusing you.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 10/02/2019 16:22

Your boyfriend is a horrible nasty abusive shit and you need to end it with him, safely.

However if you continue with this pregnancy this shithead will be in your life for rest of your life. Is that what you want?

Dragongirl10 · 10/02/2019 16:25

Leave and fast op, he is dangerous, when someone shows you who they are listen.

acatcalledjohn · 10/02/2019 16:27

He called you a baby killer over a previous abortion but now expects you to "kill a baby" on his behalf?

He's an abusive shit. If he has put any of that stuff in texts to you I would be sending that to whomever is in charge at his base (because people with that attitude shouldn't be in defence type jobs), dump his sorry arse, block him everywhere and move on.

Whatever you do, do it because it's right for you. Not because he wants you to. After all it's your body, your choice. He is irrelevant.

CormoranStrike · 10/02/2019 16:30

He sounds horrible both pre and post pregnancy.

Please leave him, regardless of what you choose to do about the pregnancy.

He is genuinely not worth you.

AnoukSpirit · 10/02/2019 16:33

Abuse is about power and control. If he is trying to control your decisions or manipulate you then he is abusing you, even if he doesn't use any nasty or abusive words or violence in the process.

He’s never been abusive to me before this pregnancy

He called you a child killer. That is not how you speak to somebody you love and respect.

The way he's behaving now is controlling and abusive, so I expect he has been abusive (controlling) throughout just in more gradual and subtle ways.

0808 2000 247 is the number for Women's Aid if you'd like to talk to somebody about it.

I also think, once you get through this immediate period, that going on the Freedom Programme would help you protect yourself from people like this so any future relationships are healthy ones with someone who loves and respects you instead of controls and degrades you.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Soubriquet · 10/02/2019 16:34

Good god girl run!!

When a man gives you signs like this, take heed and leg it.

He may fake jabs to your belly now, but one day he may push his luck. It would only be “an accident” of course but still.

AnotherEmma · 10/02/2019 16:36

He is abusive. End the relationship.

It's not clear from your post whether you have 100% decided that you want to continue with the pregnancy - if you are not completely sure then you could get specialist counselling from BPAS or Marie Stopes to help you decide. They won't pressure you either way.

If you are continuing with the pregnancy, it should be as a single parent. Please don't put your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend's name on the birth certificate and give the baby your surname not his. Only allow contact if you believe it will be in the baby's best interests (sounds unlikely). If he wants parental responsibility and contact, he'll have to go to court to get it. However, you can and should get child maintenance, just go through CMS.

Obviously I don't know your history and the reason for your previous abortion and PTSD. But if you were treated badly by previous partners and/or your parents I strongly recommend that you get counselling and/or do the Freedom Programme.

ALongHardWinter · 10/02/2019 16:38

You really need to ask? He sounds vile. If a partner of mine told me die in a car crash alongside my baby,that alone would make me finish the relationship,never mind all the other stuff. Good luck OP. May you have the strength to get rid of his awful man from your life.

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