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Original poster

9 weeks pregnant and battling with my partner over the pregnancy

46 replies

GillianD1 · 10/02/2019 15:59

I’m 21, I’m 2 months from finishing my undergraduate degree, and financially comfortable with a supportive family.
4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with my partner of a year and a half. Ever since, he has been trying to push me into an abortion, has told me to die in a car crash alongside baby, has tried to get me to take vitamins that could induce a miscarriage, and has jokingly flinched punches towards my stomach. Before we met I had a termination in which he said throughout the relationship he wouldn’t force me to do, as he called me a child killer during our relationship also. I know deep down I don’t want to have an abortion as I was diagnosed with PTSD after as psychologically I didn’t cope very well. However now I find myself feeling really alone, and being young quite nervous. I feel like I’m facing a brick wall and like there is no good way in this situation. Any advice would be really appreciated.

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 10/02/2019 16:39

He’s absuive.

He also has absolutely zero right to make any decisions about your body.

Leave him

LittleBearPad · 10/02/2019 16:41

Whatever you do about the baby please remove this man from your life.

he called me a child killer during our relationship

He’s a nasty abusive man. He won’t change.

Exhsuatedmuch · 10/02/2019 16:42

Abusive in so many ways. I'd be deeply concerned for your safety and that of the baby should you decide to proceed with the pregnancy. He's clearly not the full ticket from what I can see and I'd be leaving and not looking back at all.... If you decide to have your child then you know deep down you can do it. There's someone far better out there waiting to meet someone just like you who will value what they have.
Staying with this man will only end in heartbreak one way or the other xx

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2019 16:43

He’s never been abusive to me before this pregnancy"he called you a baby killer over an abortion you trusted him enough to tell him about.

And now he wants you to" kill" his child

Pregnancy is when a lot of abuse starts.

He's threatened you with violence (how long to oh sorry I landed that punch, I was just playing. That'll save you getting an abortion though)

He's told you to die

He's tried to get you to take pills to cause a miscarriage

Even if you decided YOU didn't want to continue with the pregnancy, you need to dump his ass

WhoKnewBeefStew · 10/02/2019 16:44

I’m struggling to think of a reason you would stay with him

Original poster

GillianD1 · 10/02/2019 16:46

I’ve never been in an abusive relationship before, so I may have just missed subtle cues, being young I haven’t had a lot of life experience with relationships. I guess when he said about the baby killer comments I had a lot guilt that it didn’t have the intended reaction it should have. This has been really eye opening, as I haven’t discussed this with anyone close to me.

OP posts:

thegreatbeyond · 10/02/2019 16:50

Well, it's not subtle now, is it? He is disgusting and monstrous.

JE87 · 10/02/2019 16:52

Disgusting person. Why would you still be with someone like that and more so do not let your child anywhere near!

SylvanianFrenemies · 10/02/2019 16:55

You deserve so much better. He's awful.

Abuse often starts or escalate s in pregnancy. You are at your most physically and emotionally vulnerable, and this is what he does. He is showing you who he is.

TwoGinScentedTears · 10/02/2019 16:57

Pregnancy can be the thing that starts abuse. You've had a really clear signal from this man that he's abusive. If you don't leave now you'll be black and blue and making excuses for him, believing him when he pleads with you to stay because he won't do it again. And repeat.

He has given you a chance to get out now....take it

5FullFathoms · 10/02/2019 17:01

He’s awful. Please, please leave him OP. It’s actually really common for abuse to ramp up during pregnancy. You are vulnerable and they know that. Women’s Aid will give you advice if you ask.

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer · 10/02/2019 17:15

Run OP, run for the hills and never look back. He has shown you his true colours and I'd imagine he's only going to get worse. Can you really see a future with him after this behaviour?

KatnissMellark · 10/02/2019 17:18

You are worth so much more than this. You sound sensible and you have a great support network. Leave him and keep your baby if that's what you want to do. You can do it!

Niknak7278 · 10/02/2019 17:49

So glad you reached out and posted.

First off cut contact with him. Protect yourself first. Your safety and well being is more important than him.

Secondly go to your doctor and tell them what's been going on so that it's officially recorded. For sure it's DA.

Keep a diary or log of all the incidents for future reference.

Ask to be referred to counselling services and/or other appropriate agencies.

There's a ton of help out there it's just tapping into it.

Keep us posted! X

crochetandshit · 10/02/2019 17:58

I think you should tell him you're having a termination (if you are or not) then move as far away as you can.

If he knows you are keeping the baby, he will NEVER leave you in peace.

loveskaka · 10/02/2019 18:00

Please leave him x

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/02/2019 18:06

He told you to die and tried to induce miscarriage. I’m not being mean but how overt does he need to be?.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/02/2019 18:22

Gillian you said you have a close family?

Tell them what he said.

See how they react

Pinkyponkcustard · 10/02/2019 18:44

There is NOTHING subtle about this cunt.

Why have you not ltb?

Don’t become another statistic.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/02/2019 18:46

Please, please, please see this man as he is. He is demonstrating that he is an abusive piece of shit.

Your life - and your baby’s life, if you do go,ahead with the pregnancy - will be immeasurably better without him in it.

If you did choose to terminate the pregnancy, and he went back to being nice, he would still be the SAME abusive person who told you he wanted you to die in a car crash - how could you ever trust him again?

MrsJane · 10/02/2019 19:52

This man sounds controlling at best with the potential of being dangerously abusive. Be very careful OP.

Please talk to your family/friends in RL about this.

And get as far away as possible from this man.

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