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Original poster

What do you call your ‘husband’ if you’re not married

136 replies

Seaseasea · 05/02/2019 20:31

Been with DP 7 years, 2 DCs together... not married.

I cringe at saying ‘boyfriend’ and feel pretentious saying ‘partner’... what do you say?

I find myself pausing everytime I mention him to someone who doesn’t know his name Blush

OP posts:
Parthenope · 05/02/2019 20:51

But ‘baby daddy’ implies you’re not in a relationship any more.

BusySittingDown · 05/02/2019 20:52

Me fella.

Nah, just partner before we were married.

Partner is fine.

Dyingforchocolate · 05/02/2019 20:55

Partner, but I do wonder if lots of people think I’m a lesbian
This.

I hate buying valentines/christmas/birthdays cards.
The ones for boyfriend look like ones for teenagers! I usually need to go for a soppy "to the one I love* or something 😂

Original poster
Seaseasea · 05/02/2019 20:58

Dp got me a valentines card one year that said to my fiancée then wrote ‘to be’ on the front in sharpie... he thought he was hillarious.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/02/2019 20:59

baby daddy

🤮😂🤮

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/02/2019 21:01

Also - as others have said - "baby daddy" means you're not in a relationship with him, he just fathered your children.

Keepit · 05/02/2019 21:04

Lesbian here but I called dp ‘partner’ because ‘girlfriend’ in our 30s seemed odd! Luckily I can call her fiancée now 😀

Dyingforchocolate · 05/02/2019 21:07

Oh no Seaseasea unless he followed that up with a proposal that would not go down well in most households 😂

Bubastes · 05/02/2019 21:09

Now I'm sure it's just me but whenever I hear someone refer to 'my fiance/e' what I really hear is 'I'M ENGAGED YOU KNOW!' Grin

cheminotte · 05/02/2019 21:12

Partner mostly. Often just by his first name. Sometimes boyfriend. Sometimes ‘other half’.

colleague kept talking about ‘the wife’ which really annoyed me. Eventually I asked if she had a name.

JuniLoolaPalooza · 05/02/2019 21:13

Partner.
I think he calls me his girlfriend. Been together 13 years.

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 05/02/2019 21:14

We’re engaged but I always refer to him as my partner and never say ‘fiance’ because I’m worried that it sounds pretentious!

Feel too old to refer to him as my boyfriend.

silkpyjamasallday · 05/02/2019 21:17

I use partner, we are engaged but I hate the word fiancé.

Ffsnosexallowed · 05/02/2019 21:17

Been with my "partner" for over 25 years. I like the Scottish term, bidey-in

Sadik · 05/02/2019 21:19

I have the opposite problem - I still run a business with my ex-H, and have yet to figure out how to refer to him in a way that makes it clear he's my business partner but no longer (as in not for some years) my H.

Which wouldn't matter so much except my new partner-partner is in the same line of work, and I'm sure some people think we're having the world's least subtle affair Grin

coppercolouredtop · 05/02/2019 21:19

Partner or other half....sorry!

MrsRussell · 05/02/2019 21:19

My chum at work always refers to him.as "your old man" which makes me laugh. "What's your old man say about that?"

Bloo22 · 05/02/2019 21:19

DH is saved as baby daddy in my phone as it was a joke before we even got together, I cringe if anyone see’s it but I can’t being myself to change it.

I just call him my partner

Confusedfornow · 05/02/2019 21:21

Being in a relationship which isnt legally validated, marriage, civil partnership ect, is like showing up to work everyday, but not actually having a signed contract of employment. You have no security or rights and can be terminated without reason or recourse.

People dont take you seriously if you're not willing to commit. The reason you're struggling with any term other than husband, is because using those words reminds you of the precarious and transient nature of your situation. You know it's a glass house and without substance.

And no I'm not married, just that I can't take anybody seriously when they talk about partners and having kids and talk about commitment, when their unwilling to actually make any real commitment what so ever.

Crushedvelvetcouch · 05/02/2019 21:22

I just call him my husband because if I dont know a person well enough to just refer to him by name, then I don't see why I should tie myself in knots over not owning a piece of legal paper.

Partner reminds me of Woody from toy story and he's not a boy, so.....

PaquitaVariation · 05/02/2019 21:23

I use partner, even though we’be been married for nearly twenty years now. Don’t know why.

Ffsnosexallowed · 05/02/2019 21:23

@confusedfornow - bollocks. We have 2 children, a house and a hamster together. We are named on each others pensions. We have wills in place and joint finances. We are committed, just not married.

Dyingforchocolate · 05/02/2019 21:24

Well this escalated quickly...

Sallygoroundthemoon · 05/02/2019 21:25

I use partner or sometimes just my man.

Original poster
Seaseasea · 05/02/2019 21:25

I don’t really see my relationship as a ‘contract’ our mortgage together is a contract, DCs birth certificates, life insurance etc but I don’t feel terribly insecure about our unmarried nature.

But then I earn more money than sweetie pie, so perhaps this whole shocked mantra at not being married is based on the assumption woman need a man to legally commit to providing for them for eternity?

OP posts: