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Original poster

Not even a card for my birthday from OH

32 replies

Missmoanalott · 04/02/2019 08:27

Feel silly complaining but made me feel a bit crap! Not even a card this morning.
Said I could have a lie in and he would take DS to nursery I ended up getting DS ready as he took to long getting ready himself and made DS late for nursery.

What kind of treatment does everyone else get on their birthday? If any Grin

OP posts:
AnxiousMcAnxiousFace · 04/02/2019 08:28

I wouldn’t be with someone that treated me with such little respect. I assume you do things for his birthday?

Fraula · 04/02/2019 08:29

That's horrible.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! CakeFlowersBrew

You should have what's been arranged. I would be gutted if my dp went back on his word about plans like this!

ScabbyHorse · 04/02/2019 08:30

Happy birthday!! 🥳 Can you treat yourself to something nice? What would be your idea of a lovely day?

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Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 08:31

That's terrible has he always been hopeless

Bebe03 · 04/02/2019 08:32

Happy birthday Cake!

I had a similar expierence once, he did eventually get up and we went somewhere but I felt so sad all day so you have my every sympathy.

Is he normally like this? Or is it an oversight? Sometimes birthdays aren’t as important to others, please sit down and tell him exactly how you feel and show him how hurt you are xx

Original poster
Missmoanalott · 04/02/2019 08:37

We went out for dinner with his family on Saturday night which I arranged anyway 🙄

No he was fab first couple of years! He's not bothered about much anymore! Does make you feel a bit crappy though.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 04/02/2019 08:38

Happy birthday! It's my birthday too :) That is crap of your DH though - has he got form for this? Might he have something planned for later?

SavageBeauty73 · 04/02/2019 08:39

That's mean.

Happy birthday 🎉 spoil yourself!

Bebe03 · 04/02/2019 08:43

Oh that is a let down, no wonder you feel crappy.

Maybe he thinks the effort isn’t required after a while, you make sure he knows how you feel. And like others have said enjoy yourself, could you go to a family or friends and have a day out with them? I’d personally feel resentful if he didn’t get up soon & make the effort!

anony · 04/02/2019 08:46

My DP doesnt find birthdays important at all, and he doesnt usually plan anything to do (birthday or other occasion) but i think some people are just like that, now that i had my baby girl 2 days before my birthday hes already said my birthdays done for 😂😂which is fair enough i think, he will just tell me to pick something out and he will buy! I wouldnt get a card either... Happy birthday!

MrsAmaretto · 04/02/2019 08:48

Oh, that’s hurtful.Happy Birthday.

You are going to have to sit down and explain how disappointed you are. You may also want to say that this is the last in a long line of him not making an effort. Ask him how he is going to improve.

You’ll have lots of people posting about how silly birthdays are for adults but bollocks to them - this is clearly symptomatic to other relationship problems that you are having.

Designerenvy · 04/02/2019 08:49

I haven't got cards some years and its a bit cheap alright.
Happy birthday....go spoil yourself with a little something today, even if it's just a new book, magazine or a coffee CakeBrewFlowers

Designerenvy · 04/02/2019 08:49

Cheap should read crap

Nala8 · 04/02/2019 08:51

Happy Birthday!! GrinThanksCake

Try to not let it spoil the rest of your day and maybe tell him tomorrow how it made you feel?

fatpatsthong · 04/02/2019 08:53

My dh is indifferent to birthdays. I think they are very important and to be celebrated. Over the years we've met in the middle.

Does he expect a fuss for his? Does he know how you feel?

I think he's a bit of an arse btw but I know a lot of people think that when the kids are here, adult birthdays don't matter. NOT a view I hold but trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And he owes you a cuddle and a treat.

Happy Birthday!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/02/2019 09:30

My birthday goes by in blur. Im lucky if i even get a text or two to say happy birthday. Friends cant even remember my birthday even after 30 years of friendship with one. Im single too.

Im 36 this year and it will be the 14th birthday in a row in which my birthday has either been ignored or someone has something better to do.

I dont think ill bother with it this year. It just makes me feel insignificant or lonely.

Charles11 · 04/02/2019 09:38

I’d send him a text and say along the lines of ‘I feel sad you forgot my birthday’. Your feelings count and you’re not silly for being upset. He should know.

In the meantime, arrange something nice for yourself and buy yourself a gift.
Happy birthday.

Babdoc · 04/02/2019 09:39

OP, your DP is showing you exactly how much he cares about you, loves you and respects you - and it’s “not a lot”.
This is casual indifference, this is “I can’t be bothered, it’s only the mother of my child, I don’t give a fuck if she feels upset, disappointed and unloved on her birthday”.
I would have been incandescent with rage if my much loved, late DH had ever considered behaving like this.
It looks like your relationship and your happiness is a very low priority for your DP. You need to sit him down and spell out exactly how you’re feeling, and find out how he views your relationship. Because at the moment it looks like he’s checked out and it’s dead in the water. Time to shock him into shaping up!

caperplips · 04/02/2019 09:45

I think birthdays are important and should be marked. My dh is good a recognising this and I do the same for him. He is self employed so depending on cash flow there have been a couple of years where there wasn't much cash for my Feb birthday (december is very expensive for us as birthdays as well as Christmas) but he marked the occasion with a card and breakfast in bed and then out for coffee / cake later in the day. One year when dd was about 5 he arranged a tea-party in the afternoon with her when she got home from school and my birthday cake was a hello kitty one chosen by her! He usually manages a box of my fav chocolates too and flowers maybe, even if they are a bunch from Aldi. But I feel loved and appreciated.

Other years, there has been more cash and we have gone away both nationally and internationally for long weekends. One year Paris, another Krakow etc Or I have had jewellery, which I LOVE.

For his summer birthday I do similar, one year it was a home baked cake and some of his fav beer and his fav dinner (cash was tight), other years we've been to Madrid, Venice and one memorable year - Toronto!

This year I am I will be in my last year of my 40's and he has arranged for a necklace to be made for me - I will never be in my 40's again so it is pretty special, as is the necklace.

It doesn't really matter all that much what it is once there is thought and some effort put in - at this age we are the only ones left who really can and will celebrate each others birthdays. And he is one of the two most important people in my life so of course we celebrate each with each other.

But I get it is different for every couple. If that is agreed, fine. But if one makes an effort and the other doesn't bother - not so fine...

Sorry about your day OP - HAPPY BIRTHDAY Flowers Cake Wine

TimeIhadaNameChange · 04/02/2019 09:53

It's mine too! Happy Birthday, @Missmoanalott and @spiderlight!

I haven't got a card from DP, but I have got presents. He has been so excited about them I ended up opening two a fortnight ago. Refused to open any others this weekend until this morning, but only one. We are going out to dinner tonight (as else he's 'have' to cook).

He woke up very hungover, though, so I made breakfast, and he was rather less keen about me opening a present this morning than he was last night. Hey ho. Hopefully he'll sort himself out for this evening.

caperplips · 04/02/2019 09:57

TaliZorah I am sorry your friends / family don't make an effort to celebrate your birthday but I think you should start your own little tradition of doing something to spoil yourself a bit on the day. If you have the funds, buy yourself something you would not ordinarily. I would buy a small piece of jewellery and start a collection which I would add to each year. I would put aside money for this over the year and take great pleasure in researching exactly what I wanted.

Before I met dh I used to buy myself handmade jewellery all the time. I worked next to a beautiful jewellery place specializing in contemporary stuff and I have a great collection I bought myself!

And have an indulgent dinner and a slice of cake! You are worth it Cake

NerdyBird · 04/02/2019 10:00

mine is at the weekend. DD will wake us up but I'll get my breakfast made (although that happens most weekends anyway). He will have arranged a card and present from DD and has organised babysitting and for us to go out for dinner. Not sure if he'll get me a present too as finances still recovering from xmas. We'll just do our normal weekend stuff in the day. That's a fine birthday for me, I like a quietish one.

spiderlight · 04/02/2019 10:31

I got a present from DS (which I'd shown DH in a gift shop while we were away last weekend so I knew it was coming), a 'Your present hasn't come yet' from DH but also a promise to get my camera serviced and a voucher for a scavenger hunt experience for two, which should be fun! :)

The post has just arrived though - one card, a bank statement, a letter from the crematorium about my dad's funeral last month and condolences from PetPlan about our lovely dog who died the week after the funeral, so that was, um, cheery.... :(

spiderlight · 04/02/2019 10:31

Oh, and happy birthday @TimeIhadaNameChange !

Solongtoshort · 04/02/2019 10:46

It's my birthday too, Happy birthday all.

I hate my birthday as l feel like there's very little thought in it, on Dh's birthday it's a big celebration. Dinner out blah blah blah.

For my birthday l have always had to book the table, organise it all everyone else will be jollying it up and l will still get to eat a cold dinner because l have to still look after the kids like every other tea time in the year. So last year l thought what is the point and put an end to it.

Today l will be have brunch in an hour and then be watching the queen film in the cinema by myself as l know no one else wants to see it.

Dh is offended l don't want to go out for tea and told me l was being stupid and stubborn, But l don't think l am, l am having my birthday the way l want therefore l won't be disappointed.

Maybe my expectations where too high of him before and now they are too low for him. Maybe it's a sign my marriage is in trouble, l don't know. But l am going to have a lovely afternoon and loads of malteasers.

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