I keep reading people become invisible as they age

[CookPassBabtridge]

I keep seeing this on here and I wondered if people could elaborate.. and at what age do you think it happens. I only ask as wherever I have lived, it's always seemed like the older generation are the most talkative, friendly, engaging and are always stood talking or meeting up. They are the ones chatting with the checkout assistants in shops. On my street of mixed ages, it's the older ones who engage with everyone. When I'm walking around I rarely talk to people younger than me (33) but always have time to chat to older people. What does 'becoming invisible' mean?

Always been ugly hence always invisible.

Only really noticed it significantly when my school friends all blossomed into swans and I remained the ugly duckling. They’d get served in pubs, given seats on buses, free drinks, doors held open etc etc.

I’m an introvert anyway so it hasn’t really bothered me a great deal personally but I do find it sad that society is obsessed / impressed so much with ‘beauty’ and that only the aesthetically pleasing are worthy of politeness / acceptance.

It’s very noticeable even now when myself and my (very attractive) best friend go out - restaurant staff / bar staff always remember her. She gets many drinks ‘on the house’ and is treated like a queen. I’m completely invisible. Fortunately I love my friend to bits (she’s amazing!) and there’s no jealousy on my part - but I admit to feeling sad that the world is this way.

There’s an old quote that I’ve found very true in life ‘No one cares unless you’re beautiful or dead’ ☹️

I don’t think it’s so much age as attractiveness. Atractive people are more noticeable. This going invisible thing is just attractive people becoming unattractive:

I've never been beautiful but yes I did used to get attention when I went out, had no problems being served quickly etc. It all stopped when I hit 45. Went to a friends leaving do and stood at the bar for ages being ignored (and it wasn't even that busy!). A man near me commented on how long I'd been waiting, turned out he was the owner and he gave me the drinks on the house as he felt sorry for me! That is how blatant it is. You do feel literally invisible.

For me it's become a bit of a cycle. The more invisible I feel, the more confidence I lose, so the more invisible I become. I used to be so confident and outgoing, hence why I used to get attention even though I'm not that pretty. I was confident though. Now not so much.

I've always been invisible. I think it's having the build of an average 12 year old that does it. The kind of invisible where a colleague walks into my classroom as I'm circulating helping pupils with their work and the colleague loudly asks where the teacher is. The kind of invisible where it takes so long to be served at a bar that by the time you have your drink, your friends assume you've caught the last bus and have buggered off to the next pub without you.

Not too much in the way of inwanted male attention which is good, but then making advances on someone who looks like Hermione Granger from the first few HP films is not cool! I think it's the lack of height, bust and fresh face that does it (as in still being regularly IDed in my late 30s).

In positive news, I can fob off chuggers and home improvement companies at my front door that I'm not old enough and don't know when my mum will be back

I think it depends on the person. I have an invisible daughter who just 10 days ago had about 9-10 inches cut off her very long hair. She reckons nobody will notice. OH hasn't. Her friends haven't. Her work (admittedly tied back) haven't. People on her Uni course haven't noticed. She does kind of blend into the background quite well. Polite, quiet child, speaks when spoken to but not ever going to be a world leader.

One of the reasons you see older people standing around talking is because they've got the time...

Unwanted male attention stops - stuff in street on public transport which is nice.

But you struggle to get served in shops and bars. The shops are often young women who don't see me at least at the minute currently have fewer problems with men and older women who I encounter working in shops.

There are ways around it - my Mum often became very wide i.e. stood to take up as much space as possible - probably helped with children to stand behind so they can't sever the next person till she was dealt with.

Being louder or more direct - I often go up to staff/workers and ask where do I pay where do I find - politely and people respond. They only bad response I’ve had to that so far have been from the secondary school receptionist – that was to asking where to wait for p/t in secondary as no signs and different format to proceeding years. I was made to feel very stipid honestly don't think if DH ahd been there I'd have been spoken to like that.

Plus, increasingly finding people trying to walk through me – I do find stopping abruptly very still and not moving throws them and make them move.

I’m 47. I’m not invisible in the sense that people don’t see me, but I’m not interesting enough to be noticed. I’m like street furniture, you don’t walk into the lamppost, but neither do you really register it being there. Tbh I like it, especially because it means the end of unwanted attention from men. When I’m walking my dog I become doubly invisible, an average looking middle aged women walking a dog can go almost anywhere unnoticed, MI5 ought to recruit us.

This hasn't happened to me yet, but I don't doubt that it happens. I read a lot about women of 40+ being invisible, which is a complete exaggeration IMO.

I think perhaps it begins in your 50s for most people. Certainly at 33 you don't need to worry about it.

I prefer the way men treat me now that I’m a bit older. I’m not patronised (quite) as much and I feel they respect me just a little more. They seem to look me in the eye more often now, or maybe I’ve grown more confident in my skin. I felt many men treated me like a child throughout my 20s and early 30s. It’s incredibly annoying.

I used to be so confident and outgoing, hence why I used to get attention even though I'm not that pretty.

I do wonder if that plays a part. FIL is very skilled in his profession but several years into retirement and his opinion is sought less and less and increasingly he’s started to complain about this in shops as well.

I used to be so confident and outgoing, hence why I used to get attention even though I'm not that pretty

Same with me. But I'm still confident and outgoing (probably why I'm not invisible).

The big difference now that I'm middle aged is that I can be like this - even with MEN - without it being seen as an open invitation. I actually get treated as a normal human being instead of a potential prey. It's very liberating.

I don't feel invisible, but I have noticed that some young shop assts seem to take a slightly patronising attitude to me at times. it's as if they assume middle aged women are IT illiterate or whatever when they ask 'if I have email' FGS I am a broadsheet writer and author!

I get male attention but they are from men somewhere near my age , although equally I've been chatted up in shops by men clearly 10-15 years younger. What I have noticed is that I no longer get a 2nd look from very young fit gorgeous men, which I used to when I was their age too!!!

The longer and blonder my hair has become over the years, the more attention I have got. Even in my 50s I don’t feel invisible.

When I was a young student with spiky mousy hair and a very casual look, I was unnoticeable and get far more attention these days.

Well if I'm aiming for invisibility I'm fucked then. Have always been dark brunette- Non- dyed.

It's really nothing to do with being blonde ime sorry Various.

I’m talking about myself! No attention when natural mouse, much more when blonde.

Fair enough

I do find it sad that society is obsessed / impressed so much with ‘beauty’ and that only the aesthetically pleasing are worthy of politeness / acceptance.

I don't think it's anything to do with attractiveness as such more to do with posture and 'presence' maybe.

I’m invisible. I’ve had people standing in front of me to queue as they hadn’t realised I was there.

My invisibility cloak became apparent in my late 30s, early 40s.

It’s freeing not to. E gawped at by men. It’s not so nice when a man walks into you as he just didn’t see you were there.

I became invisible late 30s with second pregnancy. It was about this time I also developed my 'don't even think about it death stare'. Maybe the two things are linked.

I'm not completely invisible. I've not experienced people parking trollies in front of me (maybe death stare helps). It's more that men don't notice me and I'm left in peace. No whistles, leers or catcalls.

I think people are talking about two different things - not being sexually attractive to men and being invisible generally.

I'm not being sarcastic, (about the title) but I think it's great!

I’m 41 and don’t feel invisible but the male attention has definitely dropped off which I’m thrilled about. I used to hate being ogled at while just going about my business.

I think I give off more of a “don’t talk to me” vibe now that I’m older but people in general I find to be very friendly - just way less boorish and irritating.

I have very little contact with anyone between the ages of 18-30 though apart from teacher at school which I suppose really helps.

The plus side of always looking like the back end of a bus is that you don't really notice you are becoming invisible!