Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does multiple house moves throughout a child’s life affect their mental health/emotional development?

82 replies

crosser62 · 29/01/2019 03:14

Just read a newspaper article about a child committing suicide and one of the things mentioned was that in the child’s 12 years of life, they had moved house 11 times.
Is this significant?
Does it affect a child?

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 30/01/2019 17:05

I would just add that just because children seem to take it in their stride does not mean they are not being damaged by it. K am a v outgoing confident person ( outwardly ) but as already said my whole life has been blighted by my childhood transient nature.
To this day my mother glibly says that she moved us kids up and down the country and it never did us any harm but all 4 of us have issues in reality. If I tried to discuss how I felt about it I was told that my dad was doing the best for us by getting on in his career and we had a decent standard of living etc but to be honest I wasn't the least bit interested in an increasingly middle class lifestyle. I just wanted to put down roots. What parents think is important isn't always what a child wants .

flapjackfairy · 30/01/2019 17:06

Or indeed what a child really needs !

HipHipHippo · 30/01/2019 17:21

This terrifies me.
We've just had a big move from one side of the country to the other with DH's job (forces).
I've always been a homebody and I just want to go home, but it looks as though we will be here for 4 years.
My DD is 3 and has had to move nursery and although she settled in ok initially, after a bit of time off for sickness cried when going in today.
She tells me often that she misses her friends.
The problem is when the 4 years are up do we head back home? She will have had a long time here by then and my DS would be about 5/starting school.
I want them to have stability so it's hard to know what to do!!

FaFoutis · 30/01/2019 17:31

In your position Hip I would stay there once they have started school.
I agree with flapjack.
My dh lost his job recently so had so move elsewhere for work. I stayed with the children and he comes home at weekends. There is plenty of research showing that moving frequently is a negative thing for children. Here's one: www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2010/06/moving-well-being.aspx

PlumCakeChica · 30/01/2019 17:32

I’ve just been upstairs to bother my teens and tween. They say they were fine with moving locations/school, yes they found it hard at start, pleased they’ve experienced living in those places and would move again if we can bring the dog! Guess that’s settled then

ErictheGuineaPig · 30/01/2019 17:38

Having just seen the article you refer to, I think that poor young girl had a lot of other shit going on at home not just the frequent house moves. I think that was given as just one example of the way her needs were potentially being ignored by her parents. I should imagine if you have a loving family unit you're more likely to be able to cope with frequent moves but it didn't look like the child had that. The picture of her is haunting, she looks so very unhappy.

MariaNovella · 30/01/2019 17:38

I moved several times as a child and, perhaps more importantly, come from a family where people move a lot, globally. It was our normal but as an adult I have come to understand that my parents were socially very isolated and isolating and that this was highly detrimental to our well being. I try very hard not to create so lonely a childhood for my DC,

buckingfrolicks · 30/01/2019 17:42

Affected me badly. Moved countries 4 time before aged 8. Find it vv hard to sustain/work at friendships, developed a "fuck you first" attitude in defence at feeling the outsider, and generally lost out. My own DCs stayed in one place all their lives (moved now of course as adults!) and I envy them their absolute sense of being a Brummie/Geordie whatever, and the huge history they share with their "home" friends.

FaFoutis · 30/01/2019 17:49

"fuck you first" attitude
I have exactly that too.

Burpsandfustles · 30/01/2019 17:57

Yes I think for many people it can be incredibly damaging.
A few times is one thing but endless moves... No.

Oblomov19 · 30/01/2019 18:23

I find this all hard to believe. Surely it's just an excuse. If a person lacks confidence, then they lack confidence. If your more prone to MH issues then that's what you are more prone to.

Dh has only ever lived in 2 houses. One growing up. One he bought.

I've lived in tonnes. 3 or 4 growing up. Loads at uni. Loads of different jobs.

Hasn't made any difference to our confidence or ability to make friends easily.

flapjackfairy · 30/01/2019 18:53

Oblomov you may find it hard to believe but I am just sharing my experience. I am an outgoing confident person myself. I make friends easily and cope well with most things life throws at me. I am not phased by much. People say I am a v together strong person.
BUT underneath that I have a huge fear of change and equate change with loss. I love my home where I have lived for 15 yrs but I never completely relax and settle because to feel settled means that it is time to lose it all and start again. I live in fear of all that I consider important being taken from me and so I try to prempt that by never being completely happy and settled. I understand my thought processes but seem unable to change them completely despite years of working at it. It is hard to describe it as it is subtle in some ways but very real non the less.
I do , of course take your point that we are all individuals and everyone reacts differently to different circumstances.

zzHummingBird · 30/01/2019 18:59

I think it could. It would depend on whether the parents acknowledged that it was difficult. I relocated when I divorced and met a woman whose family moved every two years due to her H's job and she was doing the head tilt to me because I was going in to parenting single. I remember thinking she was in complete denial about what she was doing to her kids (one of them was v unhappy)

FenellaMaxwell · 30/01/2019 19:18

@Oblomov19 Can you not see that ‘3 or 4 growing up’ is different to moving to a completely new country every 6 months? Hmm

gudrunandtheseeress · 30/01/2019 19:44

Of course it affects them, especially if it's 25 times or more like my family. It was due to a combination of economic factors, divorce, work and education. Friendships were hard to establish and nurture and schools were uninterested. I left me with a strong desire to put down roots and find somewhere or some people to whom I belonged.

Still searching Sad

PearsandWine · 30/01/2019 20:27

I moved a lot as a child (for good reasons, as my dad was trying to progress in his career) and have moved quite a bit as an adult.

I think it definitely has had an impact. I am quite self-sufficient and do not invest deeply in relationships. I can remember at school in about year 2 deciding not to bother forming friendships beyond having someone to play with at break times as I knew we would be moving again the next year.

I have very few long-term friends as once I leave a place or a job I tend to just move on. The one relationship I did invest in was with my exH and that turned out to be a huge mistake.

I also have virtually no family so its a good thing I am happy in my own company.

Taffeta · 30/01/2019 20:43

Oblomov seems to be talking about moving houses rather than schools every 5 minutes

Of course it's totally different

All the people on here, me included, that have been affected, I think primarily found moving schools regularly the issue.

If Oblomov only moved house 3 times growing up, she doesn't share the same experience

MsRinky · 30/01/2019 20:51

We moved around between schools and different areas of the country multiple times as kids because of my Dad's job. I totally thrived on it, my brother has never recovered.

TheRedRoom · 30/01/2019 20:54

It's not so much moving house that is the issue but moving schools. There is research that shows moving schools for non-structural reasons can have a significant impact on a child's well-being and academic achievement (structural moves such as moving from an infants school to a junior school after year 2 do not have the same impact as they're built into the child's experience of school and everyone moves on at the same time). Obviously this isn't the case for all children who move schools (just as not everyone who smokes will get kung cancer) but it is a real effect of moves for many children.

I went to 5 different primary schools and then 1 high school. For me that was too many, especially as I had already been to 3 different schools by midway through Year 1 due to moving long distance and then moving when my family moved from a rental property into their own house. For my sisters, who experienced slightly fewer moves and had moves take place with more time inbetween, it's had little impact and as a result we now have very different views on the impact of school moves.

Goodynuf · 30/01/2019 20:55

Yes. I've moved numerous times for work and it affected mine and I was an adult!!!

MattMagnolia · 30/01/2019 20:56

I moved many times, was never in one place until adult. It didn’t affect me badly but my sibling was very shy and hated changing schools.
My DH was brought up without siblings or a single friend yet is sociable and successful so childhood friendships aren’t vital.

NotMeNoNo · 30/01/2019 20:59

Other factors might also affect someones vulnerability /personal resilience but from observation of some of our friends, it can be really hard on sensitive children. Heck, one move at 12 has done for DS2 Sad

JustAnotherMillennial · 30/01/2019 21:08

We have two children 9 &7 (both born abroad) the eldest has been to three primary schools (two in the UK) we are about to move overseas. We will have at least one move after this but hopefully will be back to where we are now in the UK by the time the eldest starts her GCSEs.

This is not by choice but necessary for DH job, at least the children enjoy travelling and exploring new places. We have set up an email account for DD1 to keep in contact and we are not selling our house.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 30/01/2019 21:15

It’s interesting to read this. I know a woman who moved repeatedly and still does every few years. Her DD had a very unsettled upbringing and it definitely affected her. Her STBXH is worried she will do the same to their DC now. Only time will tell.

XH threatened to go for custody of DC. Thankfully for them he didn’t bother as he’s currently on his 7/8 move in 7 years. DC know that if they had been with them, they would have no friends and not be settled in one school.