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Does multiple house moves throughout a child’s life affect their mental health/emotional development?

82 replies

crosser62 · 29/01/2019 03:14

Just read a newspaper article about a child committing suicide and one of the things mentioned was that in the child’s 12 years of life, they had moved house 11 times.
Is this significant?
Does it affect a child?

OP posts:
Bowerbird5 · 29/01/2019 06:18

I moved a lot until we bought this house. I also lived in four different countries some of them twice. My education suffered a bit and I didn’t go to University as I changed countries again and couldn’t take up my place and would have had to wait 18 months here. I speak to people easily from all walks of life and have met several famous people.

The one thing I have needed and amuses my husband is some things from my childhood. My teddy bear and three other toys and a cat pyjama case and several things on my dresssing table or chest of drawers like an ornament I won as a child ( took a lot of perseverance) and some books. It is as though if I set those up when I move in then I am ok. I once read an article by a psychologist and it said children that move a lot need to have certain things around them to feel grounded and I then understood a lot of things about myself.
I work in a primary school and always try to help new children settle in especially those from other countries. I always tell them to come to me if they need help and sometimes they do. The most recent ones mum overheard and thanked me and always smiles when I see her. I think she felt reassured about leaving them.
My boys have only moved twice and my daughter not at all as children though as adults they all have.
I think it definitely affects people.

TheBigBangRocks · 29/01/2019 07:29

Yes it can have huge effects. It's not only the stable base, it's the reason behind all the moves i.e. debt, multiple partners etc.

Mine haven't moved as I wanted a stable base they could always call home. It's their sanctuary when needed. That was important to me. A chaotic childhood isn't one I'd want them to experience like I did.

MissMarplesKnitting · 29/01/2019 07:38

It does have an impact on education and achievement there. These kids rarely follow a full key stage in one place and their learning therefore can miss out key threshold concepts, which prevents other learning.

We track their progress and it's amazing to see how that kids who move schools 3+ times really can struggle and don't achieve along their predicted lines.

Kernowgal · 29/01/2019 07:46

I moved a couple of times as a kid, and then a ridiculous number of times from uni onwards, mostly because of short tenancies and friendship groups changing etc.

I don't mind moving at all, I like change and mixing things up a bit, but it has definitely affected my ability to settle. I also hate routine, it bores me and makes me depressed in an is-this-it-for-the-rest-of-my-days kind of way.

Should probably see a counsellor, there's definitely some issues there.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 29/01/2019 08:51

Yes it does affect a child but in what and how much depends on the child’s nature and the reasons surrounding the move.

If you’re based in a community that moves around a lot that I think it’s easier for children to connect with other children from that community as they understand it. If the you’re just doing midnight flits and moving to try start constantly start “afresh” then the children have to cope with the parents dysfunction as well as being the weird new kid with 5 different accents all the time.

LowLifeOpinions · 29/01/2019 09:11

It is quite emotional reading all this. I don't know anyone else in my real life who moved as much as me. It definitely affected me. But then the reasons behind it (dad's career above all else) and the way my family handled it (you'll be fine, write some letters) were not great. I think my education suffered in some ways.

DinosApple · 29/01/2019 09:32

I only moved once as a child, but it had a big impact and took a long time for me to settle. I'm not hugely out-going. I moved from a multicultural area to a class where all the children (except me) had the same shade of blond hair.

DM moved continent as a child also found it a struggle (unsurprisingly).

Some kids thrive, others struggle.

flapjackfairy · 29/01/2019 09:46

I am mid 50s and still struggle with the damage done now by several house moves due to my dad's job. Every time he got promoted off we went . I still find change hard to deal with and get anxious about the thought of something going wrong meaning that I will have to leave my lovely home and start again ( e.g. nightmare neighbours ) It has tainted my whole life. I still remember the despair I felt whenever I was told that we were moving again . It takes a good couple of years to even begin to feel at home and then it was time to move again leaving everybody and everything that was familiar to me. I hated the last move so much when I was 16 that I could never even go back to visit and I finally went back on my 50th birthday ( so 36 yrs later ) as my dh wanted to surprise me. Even then I shed tears over the loss of my very dearest childhood friend who had lived there.
My own children have roots. They have friends they went to school with and a stable place to call home . I wish i had had the same.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/01/2019 09:52

We moved about 5 times during my primary years, and then we were all sent to boarding school. On one hand, it taught us that places and people are much the same. On the other, I have no friends from more than 20 years ago. That was our previous house, and the one we lived in for longest.

I have one item from my childhood: a disgustingly dirty and broken papier mache elephant. If that goes, I would be very difficult to live with.

spudlet7 · 29/01/2019 10:04

We moved a lot and I now struggle to see any home as permanent. I always have to urge to move (though don't). That said, I would imagine there was a lot more to the person's suicide than moving about a lot!

mrbob · 29/01/2019 20:27

Can I just saying my case my education did not suffer in any way- my mum actually did a pretty good job of keeping us in the same school once we got to secondary school. I have a great career and have not been afraid to go out and get things! But I think the damage was done in terms of friendships by then- I already had no idea. I think my mum had moved around so much for her mum and then my dad that SHE had no idea how to role model having lots of close friends either...

Jjacobb · 29/01/2019 20:36

Forces child, we moved a lot I went to 5 different primary schools. I think it did have a very negative affect on me. I have always struggled with relationships and maintaining friendships.
My dc having a "family home" is incredibly important to me. My eldest child was born in our house and I can't ever see us moving.

FenellaMaxwell · 30/01/2019 15:39

There is also the odd things that it does - I feel compelled to unpack the moment I arrive anywhere, even if it’s just for one night. I can be a bit of a sentimental hoarder because artwork, school reports etc were exactly the things that got junked growing up. I always have to pack in advance to go anywhere, with a pre-written list, because I’m used to packing to move long distances and never coming back.

Ribbonsonabox · 30/01/2019 15:41

Yes. I moved house and often schools roughly every year.... it badly affected me and I left home at 16 and struggled with addiction and mental health problems for many years.

Ribbonsonabox · 30/01/2019 15:44

And I have hoarding tendencies which I think stem from that.... and an obsessive need to photograph everything.... Facebook has helped me a lot because because you can look at a picture and see the date it was taken and it makes me feel like my history is real for some reason. Before that I had memories that no one else would have so were unconfirmed... I was an only child and obviously my friendship group changed every year (though I tried to keep in contact with people I really liked) so it started to feel as if I didnt exist really. Because no one ever knew anything about me and there was no one in the world who had shared my experiences to talk to.

Taffeta · 30/01/2019 15:48

Yes moved about 10 times and went to about 8 different schools

As pp said fiercely protective of my DC staying at one primary and ideally one secondary as a result

Never feel like I've fitted in anywhere until now

Been in the same house for 14 years and don't plan on moving

FaFoutis · 30/01/2019 15:58

I think I'm only just realising how much it affected me. I was moved many times as a child, starting a new school each time. The feeling of walking into another unfamiliar environment where I had to try and fit in fast will never leave me. I never made proper friends, I never felt safe. I still don't.
My mother (who made the decisions about the moves) had grown up in one place and was completely blind to what I went through each time.
My dc have never moved schools, they are so much more secure and confident than I ever was.

PerverseConverse · 30/01/2019 16:04

Yes. It did me. I was torn asunder from my home town at the age of 6 and spent the next 16+ years desperate to be back home. I've never made lasting friendships. Attended 7 different schools by the time I left high school. My mum was told that children are very adaptable. They aren't particularly, they just have no choice, and do their best to get in with it. I was clinically depressed for years, have control issues, anxiety, remember that intense longing for home so much, don't cope with change unless it's change that I have instigated. Some people are natural tumbleweeds but I had deep roots as was affected terribly. I've been back home since 2001 and am so much happier. My parents moved back then and I live a mile from my mum now. A new house used to be exciting but the anxiety and loneliness was far greater.

Elfinablender · 30/01/2019 16:09

Dh moved around a lot when he was a kid. He hated it.

PlumCakeChica · 30/01/2019 16:24

I’m surprised (and a bit worried) by the answers. We’ve moved a lot and the dc were born in different countries. They've seemed happy and settled in all the places we’ve lived in. Once our furniture shipment arrives I’ve noticed that makes a huge difference.

They keep in touch with friends from various locations and often see them during half terms. It is so much easier now with social media and we do have a house in uk so I think that helps.

Racecardriver · 30/01/2019 16:25

If the child is in the state school system they will likely be moving schools when they move house. That’s the issue I think.

Frosty66611 · 30/01/2019 16:26

I moved around a lot as a child and hated it. I was so jealous of other kids who had grown up in the same family home and had established roots. Moving schools every couple of years was torture for me

Moreisnnogedag · 30/01/2019 16:41

Plum I would go by how your children seem. I moved a lot as a child and loved it. My parents provides us with a loving stable home no matter where we were.

anniehm · 30/01/2019 16:54

My kids lived in 7 houses in 8 years on 3 continents, house moved happen for work reasons and short term rentals. It's how you deal with them I suppose

anniehm · 30/01/2019 16:56

Ps it's not about trying to hold down a job, it was for career progression - now has tenure so no more moves!