Worst day at work

[Chickenflicking]

Does anyone else's mother always, always point out what they've done wrong?

Today, I've had a horrible time and ended up in a confrontation. I rang my mum in tears, only to be told that I can be difficult, that I'm my own worst enemy and it probably was my fault.

The thing is, she may well be right, but she always does this, to the extent that I don't want to tell her bad things but somehow feel compelled to do so. I think it's so much part of my psyche that I always think other people are right, and see my own faults much clearer than theirs.

So my question is, are all mums like this, or is it just mine? I don't want her to lie to me, but some support sometimes would be good!

I've just realised my title doesn't fit - clearly I can't even make my mind up what I am upset about!

Mine can be like that sometimes - but she can also be the opposite too. I'd feel very pushed down if it was all the time!
Sorry about your bad day

Mine is too so I feel your pain

I don't know what I tell her - it's like some kind of childlike compulsion to confess and be told off!

I get were you are coming from but maybe she means well. If you are not aware of this trait then you can't do anything about it.

Yep, took me years, but I have finally stopped telling my mum stuff.

Invariably makes me feel worse

Mine was to an extent. I withdrew from telling her anything and I think she realised. She can actually be quite supportive these days.

Completely understand op, unfortunately I get this too. I often joke that if I ever told her that someone tried to murder me she’d reply “well what did you do to provoke them?”

My way of coping is to detach detach detach

Mine too. Like others I stopped telling her stuff long ago, for that reason and the fact she “has” to tell my sister everything. She hasn't noticed, so this has meant she thinks my life is worry-free, but that's better than the alternative.

Well looking at it from your mums point of view. She has probably spent years when you were a child supporting you, encouraging you, helping you with homework, persuading you to have a go at things etc.

So she probably feels a little disappointed when you do something that lets you down. After all she knows you can do better!

Its like the time she spent hours practising your times tables with you until you knew them off by heart and then you go to school and forget them all.

You are probably right, FairyLiz, but when you are so disappointed in yourself already, it's not what you need! I hope that I can hide my disappointment in my DDs better when they are older (but who knows if I will)!

No. If I rang my mum in tears she would be sympathetic and supportive. She may gently point out if I had been in the wrong but would somehow turn it into contructive criticism. But I have a close relationship with my mum and she is the best

This is why I never tell my mother anything anymore. I always came off the phone feeling worse.

I just realised that I tend to do this when my sister tells me things.,(because she can come across so entitled). Next time, I will only say supportive things .Or nothing at all..." if you can't say something nice ...."

My mother has always done this. If something went wrong, it was my fault. I stopped telling her things at a very early age, which fucked up my mental health from childhood. I sometimes accidentally tell her something, or it is unavoidable because it affects something to do with the family, but I always regret trying to tell her.

Mine does that. I no longer go to her for support. She always sees the worst. As another poster said, if I told my mum someone tried to murder me she would ask what I'd done to provoke them.

I once had a guesthouse with my mother and one day a regular guest had had a drink and suddenly became very shouty, abusive and somewhat threatening towards me (slamming his hand down while screaming at me, no outward threats) despite me only saying hello to him. There was no provocation and he had no reason at all to be angry at anything.
I was a new mum in my mid twenties and not up for a fight so I left the area and he went to bed. I lived on premises and mum didn't. Obviously I called her immediately and she said she/her DH would kick him out in the morning.

Come morning time she went to speak to him and I could hear her through the door. Instead of kicking him out she became apologetic about me saying she "know how she gets" and "can be frustrating" and about it being just a misunderstanding and not a big deal. My only recourse was to leave myself. A guest was never worth my safety.

My mum has never taken my side on anything. But that's a good thing. I am my own children's biggest supporter and advocate. They will always have my support.

That's hard, my mother never wants me to make a fuss or defend myself in anyway. She is very religious I guess and she worries what others think. I remember several times being told off for things other children blamed me for but had nothing to do with me. She wouldn't even question me, she would just believe the other child. I was never a lair so it's not that she couldn't trust me.

So even know, it's the same. I have children with SEN and sometimes to get Them the help they need I need to make a fuss and complain etc and she always makes me feel bad, even if afterwards she can see I was right.

She just things I should stay out of things, she doesn't understand loyalty either, if I defend my friends she says I should stay out of it. I'm not loud or confrontational, so it's not like I jump in yelling.

She does point out that my face gives me away, which is try, hence why I can not lie (not that I would anyway), but if I don't like someone my face says it 😂 I find it hard to fake being nice. So while sometimes she is right, she is way more wrong that she ever is right about me. Plus I just agree with being people's door mats, she literally lets people treat her (and me) the worse and then carries on like it never happened and the situation continues to escalate because she will never stand up for herself or anyone else.

Sorry, you had a rough day, hope it's better now. It sucks when you go to someone from support and you get the opposite.

I have the same, OP. Mine even turns good news into something negative. I have to be very careful what I say around her and am fairly low contact. I would love to have someone supportive but I accepted a long time ago she won't ever be.

Mummyhaschanged that really struck a chord with me. My mum hates me to make a fuss about anything, her advice to me is always to 'keep my head down'. So she was always going to disagree with me having a confrontation. I also suffer with an anxiety disorder and take medication, but she hates me to tell anyone, for example on the medical form at work, because it's attention seeking and fussy.

I think she thinks she is being helpful, telling me how I could have done it differently, but I'm already painfully aware and just need her support!

Yeah sounds similar. While I don't have any diagnosed anxiety, there have certainly been times when situations have made be feel very anxious and my mum putting doubts in my mind have made it much harder to deal with.

Sorry she wasn't more supportive. Maybe we can help?

Yeah, I have one like this. I don't tell her anything because she always blames me. According to the family I'm very emotionally tough but it's because I've had to be because I could never rely on her support. DDad was always very supportive though, so I try to be more like him.

It's not all mothers though, MIL always thinks her children are perfect in every way. Freaked me out initially and I still find it quite amusing how blind she is to the faults of her family, everyone is the most beautiful, most intelligent, most artistic, most musical, most sporty person ever to walk on this earth.

She's foreign whereas DM is Scottish so there's a cultural element as well, worst sin ever when I was growing up was to get above yourself.

The thing is does it really help you if your mum is all sympathetic?
E.g. say your boss at work asked you to do an important task and you forgot about it and got a bollocking.

You then tell your mum and she says poor you what a wicked boss/they are horrible etc etc. Does that really help or just make you feel that you have been 'wronged'? Not really going to help you at work is it?

It doesn't directly help with the work situation, no, but if I've had a bad day, I often need the catharsis and a sympathetic ear can be helpful to let me get it all off my chest. Being told, "we'll it's no wonder they're annoyed with you, you've always been a difficult person" or that everything is automatically my fault, just makes me dwell on the issue more and I go into work the next day even more demoralised than I was before, rather than having the ability to make a fresh start. I suffer badly from impostor syndrome and sometimes I just need someone to give me a boost - which doesn't necessarily mean agreeing that boss/colleagues are horrible but could be reminding me of some good qualities and times I've overcome difficulties, instead of just opening up and validating all the worst fears and opinions I already hold about myself.

OP, I really feel your pain here. I'm having the worst working week of my life with every day bringing more and more problems. My mum also happens to be staying with me this week. Normally I just steer well away from the subject of work but this week has been so difficult and I just want to be able to talk through the situation and my options from here. Instead I've been coming home and screaming into a pillow with my bedroom door closed for 10 minutes before composing myself to get on with our evening together.

Aren't you an adult? Never understand why people still go running to their parents after the age of 25.
But then I don't have parents now anyway and they were never sympathetic .