To people with grown up kids, do you suddenly have more money once tour children are grown up ?

[LardLizard]

What’s it like ?

Not that I noticed. They might be grown up, but the expenses keep happening. Maybe I was bad at giving them financial advice, but they always seem to have money problems. I've had to bail them out several times . If anything I have less money now.

Birdie how old are they and what kinda things do you have to bail them out with ?

Yes and no. The general day to day is less, especially as DD works part time so has her own spending money. Birthdays, Christmas and school trips definitely cost more. She's nearly 18.

In theory, as when he left university we were no longer coverings those costs. However, he has come back home whilst job hunting, so my food bill has increased. He managed to kill his laptop with cider over Christmas, so we're waiting on the insurance claim and will buy him a new one.

He still needs clothes shoes etc, so we pay for those. In his defence, home atm is Belgium, so jobs are difficult to find, hence the lack of money.

No! Both at university on minimum loans so we are paying their rent. Also as students, they are home a lot.

Once DS had left university I did notice the difference (I used to give him money every month as did ex-h to keep student debt down).

He's got a good job (teacher) and his own flat now and is very good with money so has never needed bailing out. I earn a lot more so I still like to treat him with money at birthdays and Christmas, meals out and that kind of thing. He doesn't expect it but we get on really well and enjoy each other's company still.

Mine have both left home and yes, I am better off. Neither of them have asked for money from me but I have offered when I know they have been in a tricky situation but so far they have always refused. Financially things were very difficult when they were little, my ex lost his business and as a consequence we lost our home so the kids grew up during some tough times (the ex was bankrupt when bankruptcy lasted at least three years and when it was difficult to get so much as electric account) so whether that has put wise heads on young shoulders I do not know.

I suppose I class grown up as finished uni, as they are going to need help with money during that

I suppose it depends on how much you’re prepared to help your children out. DS is 10 so I’m not there yet but I know when I left uni my parents helped me with a house deposit, car and wedding (very lucky I know). I’ve been sensible with money and haven’t had anything off them since my wedding 15 years ago so I’d imagine they have far more disposable income now.

Yes it’s intesting how much help some people get or expect
We got 3k when we got married but that was it
No help buying first car or first house etc

I think ideally I like to help my children with uni or further education
House deposit
Small amount towards wedding
Small amount towards new babies

Better off since they grew up and left?! Bwahahahahaha! If only!
OP, unless the little darlings fail their exams, you’re looking at £9,000 a year each for uni fees.
Then they want to buy their first properties. Where mine live, that meant £100,000 each for a mortgage deposit. So far I’ve had to give mine my entire pension lump sum and half my life savings.
Better off? No way!

Don’t they get loans for the uni fees ?

100k deposit ! Wow
I suppose deposits have gone up a lot since me and dh started, what percent do people need now on first homes it used to be 5 percent

Babdoc-£100K each for a house deposit?! Where the hell do you live?!

My children are in their 20s. I’ve been a single parent for many years so although my wages now are decent, I wouldn’t have enough to gift them things like house deposits! I’ve helped them out here and there with smaller things but generally we all cover our own costs. If you’re not a high earning household there needs to be a cut off point somewhere. They know I’m always here for them if they need me, and there will always be a roof over their head if they need it. But now it’s time for me to do the things I’d like to do.

DD, DSIL, and DGS are now settled in their own place and both working, and it's amazing just how little we're now spending. We might insist on putting their shopping on our card if we're taking them to Asda, and we buy dgs's shoes. But they're doing well, DD in particular.

Not less expensive really. When she was a child she lived on our house and shared what we could afford so no extra expense regarding main bills ...mortgage ext. We had cheap holidays and were only really extravagant with gifts at Christmas and birthday.

Now in her 40s and sole provider with sahd and two kids. She works really hard so we like to help out as much as possible. So have paid for holidays abroad for all of them. I buy most of kids clothes and we now have two kids to be extravagant with at birthdays and christmas plus dd and husband lol.

On the other hand our mortgage is now paid off so we do have more money than we had when we were young so we are still better off nowadays and of course these days anything we do is down to personal choice so not the pressure of provision you have when your own kids are young.

Babdoc why the need to fund their deposits?

I’m sure you mean well, but you’ve done that at the expense of your own financial security in old age. Surely this can’t be a wise move, however well intended?

Hopefully I'll have more money as for the last 16 years I've been putting away £100 a month to each of my 2 DDs ISAs.
So once they come 'of age', they will have a lump sum and they can't really tell me I don't give them anything...
Then I can start saving for myself!

I have one working and one still at uni. The cost of the student is far more than having a child at home.
We helped out a bit when eldest moved into a flat and will help towards a deposit when they buy a house. We also still pay for them to come on holiday with us if they want to.
Household bills fall dramatically when they are not at home, particularly groceries.

No-one has to use their pensions/life savings to give their child 100k house deposit. That's crazy on so many levels.

I made my own way without financial help from my parents. I won't be handing out thousands of pounds to mine. The idea of using my pension money is ridiculous!

Don’t they get loans for the uni fees ?

They do. It's not the fees but the living costs that are crippling. Both of ours got minimum loans but their rent was £2500 / year more than the loan without food, books, expenses on top. Then deposits for the next year's housing, paid at about Xmas, plus half rent during the summer when no maintenance loan paid etc etc.

We still help our son out financially now because he's done a PGCE and now in his NQT year, living away from home but earning nowhere near enough to live on. We've resigned ourselves to it now. We're worse off than when they both lived here because we are supporting 3 households right now.

You roll into optional expense land, OP. Once they move out and have a job in theory they cost £0. You don’t have to bail them out if they get in debt and you certainly don’t need to hand out ££££ for house deposits, baby expenses and weddings.

If they have low paying jobs you might help out with somethings but that’s only if you can afford to.

You also have to start saving for your future. My pension is ok but it won’t cover the same standard of living I have working. If I want that I’ll need to set money aside.

Not til they leave uni. DD (22) is now in her own (rented) flat and is financially self-sufficient. DS (21) is at uni - his DF pays his term time living expenses, but I really notice the increased costs in the holidays. I suspect DS may be less eager to live independently once he graduates than DD, but I will charge him some rent.