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Original poster

10yr old has started screaming the house down every time he has to have a shower.

35 replies

Hedwigsradio · 25/01/2019 20:51

Just that really. He was like this when he was younger but grew out of It. Now it's starting again. It takes over an hour just to get him in it he screams, breaks things, threatens to call the police. It's never ending. It upsets my other two and I just don't know what to do. There is no talking to him as he gets in such a rage.

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 25/01/2019 20:55

At 10? Does he have SEN?

FloatingthroughSpace · 25/01/2019 20:58

My eldest hates showering. He has a bath instead.

Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 25/01/2019 20:59

Yep he's 10 some nights are not as bad as others. He's finally had a shower tonight yet he's still screaming. It's driving me insane. He is being assessed for asd but why would this have just started up again?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 25/01/2019 21:00

He's the same with baths

OP posts:
Fairylea · 25/01/2019 21:02

If he has asd it will most likely be sensory related, or if you’re asking him to do it it could be to do with pathological demand avoidance. Google pda and have a read and see if it fits.

4point2fleet · 25/01/2019 21:02

If something else in his life is increasing his anxiety that could in turn ramp up sensory sensitivity and showering could have become more of an assault.

Is there something elsewhere causing pressure? If he's in Y6 could school be piling on the SATs drama?

AtleastitsnotMonday · 25/01/2019 21:03

DS you must have a shower every day. Until you have a shower you will not be able to do anything else. (Play with siblings, watch tv, play games etc). As soon as you’ve had a shower you can carry on your evening as usual.

It will be horrific for a few day while you carry through but as soon as he learns you aren’t budging your lives will become so much easier.

Make it a good thing 10 year old boys love Lynx. Buy the shower gel, deodorant etc

SexNotJenga · 25/01/2019 21:08

What does he say about his reasons for not wanting to shower?

PenguinPandas · 25/01/2019 21:12

I have a 12 year old bath avoider being assessed for asd. Mine just runs away. Once he's in bath he's fine and can't get him out. He loves bath ducks and toys but still quite an achievement to get him in it.

I can get him in sometimes saying things like its time for your annual bath or you can have the world's fastest bath. He hates changing clothes and it being cold now is not helping. Likes lots of bubbles especially if go in air.

Calling the police Grin

FloatingthroughSpace · 25/01/2019 21:21

My bath boy is autistic. Given the choice he's avoid washing completely.
We make it work by keeping a strict schedule which acknowledges that he dislikes it. He has a bath on Mon, Wed, Fri. If he ever smells (he doesn't) or gets dirty he will have to have an out if schedule bath. I start it running, tell him it's running and he'll be in lots of trouble if it overflows, then pretend to leave him to it (really I am checking he does get in). He has to wash hair on Mon and Fri and I help him with that as he can't do it alone. We do it over the side of the bath with shower head, for modesty reasons whilst he still has pj bottoms on before he gets in.

Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 25/01/2019 21:37

He is very like that once he's in he's not as bad but is very bad at doing his hair. I know he's finding school hard at the moment they have started a load of mandatory after school clubs for sats which upset him as it messed up his routine. They are doing so many practice tests. Plus there's the week away at the end of the year and secondary school looming.

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 25/01/2019 21:41

Can he not drop the after school clubs. I think it is massively unfair if schools to expect any child to prep for SATs out of school hours, let alone a child who is clearly struggling with the pressure.

Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 25/01/2019 21:55

They have told him he has too so he doesn't fail. Not sure how true that is but that's how he interpreted it. I think I'm going to have to call the school Monday. The biggest problem I have is he is fine at school. I know that's not a problem but they don't see his anxiety. At school he's just quiet and middle of the road with his work so is completely invisible most of the time.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 25/01/2019 22:16

Dear school.

Since you've started your mandatory non legally enforacable after school sats session ds has been unable to cope with his evening.
As sats are to test schools teaching and not him he will not be attending anymore.
If you think he needs extra support to reach required standards I'm happy to meet with the senco re send support under the send code of practice.

Many thanks xxxxx

My ds has asd. He'd do all that's asked because he's so compliant. So I have to intervene on his behalf when he can't cope. I point out that what they are doing isn't enforceable so whether they agree with me or not is of no interest whatso ever to me. I'm his parent.

Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 25/01/2019 22:26

Think I may have to use that letter thank you. I'm not the best with words.

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 25/01/2019 23:06

DS has ASD and goes through phase of bath avoidance, like ages other DC mentioned here he is fine once he is in there and we can't get him out again.

I let him choose his own bath products that no one else is allowed to use and that helps to persuade him to get in, alongside lots of reassurance that he can just jump in and out as quick as he likes, that he'll remember how much he loves it once he's in, etc. He's an advertiser's dream and loves a good ad slogan so there's usually always some product or other that he considers to be a "must have", at the moment it's Head and Shoulders shampoo (he does not have dandruff) and a Soap and Glory body wash that makes him smell like he's been rolled in cake batter.

Definitely follow up with school about the SATS prep, it's unfair to put that sort of pressure on him.

DioneTheDiabolist · 25/01/2019 23:10

I would suspect that something has happened to him when he was showering recently. Do you always supervise his showers OP or does he do it alone/with other help?

formerbabe · 25/01/2019 23:14

Would one of those shower radios help him? Maybe he could listen to music he likes. As for baths, you can get floating bath lights which my dc like. Not sure if that would be any help...just throwing out ideas.

Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 26/01/2019 00:01

He showers alone when he's here as he's very private but doesn't want the door shut. On the very rare occasion their dad has them I don't know but I suspect he's never made to there as they are never made to do anything with him.

He is an advertisers dream too so may play on that and let him choose something from the shops tomorrow. He has sensory issues with noises and the feel of things so if he chooses a smell he likes that may help. He doesn't seem fussed with the linx he got for Christmas.

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 26/01/2019 00:16

Have you tried social stories around this?
autismwestmidlands.org.uk/asset/2017/11/1403678571_7VisualResources-SocialStories.pdf
This is a free print off and goes through the idea clearly. There are also YouTube versions and lots of other print outs, you can decide which suits you best. I tend to write mine in the style of “This is ok” so children know that it’s ok for things to feel or smell odd, you can cope with it and move forward.

cowfacemonkey · 26/01/2019 00:25

Does he like music? I bought my ds a shower speaker that links to my phone so he has a shower playlist. He loves it.

SaturdayNext · 26/01/2019 00:51

If he has sensory problems this may literally be painful for him, though I have no idea why it has suddenly intensified recently. Might he be happier with a bath on the basis that he may feel he has more control over everything to do with the water?

MyFriendGoo5 · 26/01/2019 02:36

My ASD boy used to be terrible.

One night I let him choose, 8pm or 8 30 pm for a shower so he had the control.

He also chooses when he has them........so long as he has at least 3 a week (( also has one after swimming )) I'm happy.

It gave him full control and all the behaviour stopped.

Now, every other night at 8pm he trots off for a shower. The difference was unreal after years of meltdowns etc.

Original poster
Hedwigsradio · 26/01/2019 06:16

Thank you so much every one. I think the social story might be a good idea. We use them at work but didn't really think of it for him.

When he loses it there is no talking to him he will just argue and shout for hours. When I say argue though he.just shouts to things he thinks he hears not what's being said if that makes sense. It's exhausting for everyone and really upsets the others.

OP posts:
vickibee · 26/01/2019 06:33

My asd son is the opposite, he loves and seeks out water. The problem we have is getting home to wash in the shower. It is a play thing and he sits in5he bottom of the shower enjoying the sensory aspect. He doesn’t want to get out.

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