What random shit did you find yourself at work today?

[LEMtheoriginal]

Today i rolled up my trousers to chase an injured goose into the sea. Sadly unsucsessfull - the sea is a big place and i wasnt about to swim in after it. It was so cold i couldt feel my feet.

What random crap did you have to deal with at work today?

I genuinely said to a child who knows better 'stop licking that door, your tongue will get stuck'

I took my dog and puppy into work today.

Said puppy pooed in the office and tiddled on a very expensive rug in the design showroom.

Not her finest hour

I had to clean human poo off a shower head

2 minutes before supposed to do a presentation to 8 people, I thought I was going to puke my guts out.

It went away, thank goodness. No reason. Wasn't even nervous. Just a funny turn. Argh.

I spent ages putting figures into a spreadsheet manually before I realised that I could have extracted them directly from the system

Literally shit. Was dealing with a sewage complaint in a food business.

OP sounds like you've had a fab day! I was in trial, howver something went wrong with witness and evidence, so big delays. Was hoping to jump on to tail end of A Big Legal Thing in the next few days, but not likely to happen now.

I spent ages putting figures into a spreadsheet manually before I realised that I could have extracted them directly from the system blush

^

This was me yesterday except with triangles.

I spent several hours with a colleague trying to work out how to do a project that takes 5 weeks in 5 days and then they moved the deadline to 2 days.

Im in the bath now trying not to think about Monday.

Watched my manager doing literally fuck all all morning whilst I was very busy and being paid a fraction of what he gets

hashtag...time to get a new job.

Stared sneakily at a boy in my class who (over an hour lesson) ate quite a lot of print stick bit by bit. He also enjoys paper eating too - fascinating to watch - all done furtively under the desk

• Pritt stick

Wondered that if you had knowingly "lost" a tampon, why you would wait a week & continue having sex before asking for assistance

@eyeoresancerre and you just watched?

Grandmasharks - please tell me you weren't the poor sod that had to retrieve it?

I told 34 teenagers I was ready for a gin and tonic and a lie down in a darkened room.

They were lovely and very understanding. One even offered me the cucumber from her lunch box to put on my eyes.

I bloody love teenagers.

I had to talk to one of my (prisoner) clients about the contents of a letter. It was complete pornography. There's never an easy way to discuss cock rings & dildos 😳

Pritt stick has a really odd, sweet taste.

I did plenty of suctioning, some chest physio and some bolus feeding.

I had someone come in at 2 minutes to close, ask a question, leave, then duck back in under the half-closed shutter to 'browse'. At least, I think that was what she said, but her English was very, very poor. I explained I was closing and she then said (I think!) that I could close and she would stay with me to look. I knocked that one on the head (not literally) as politely as I could and ushered her out.

Feelinflat - I didn't this time having told him 100 times since Sep not to. It is being monitored and we're awaiting outside support. If you confront him it really makes him upset and embarrassed.

I told a child to stop eating the toilet paper so he jumped up and bit me instead.

I also had my hair ripped out so just a normal day at work really.

I gently poked a hedgehog to make sure it was alive.

Not yesterday but earlier this week, I had to tell one of the boys in my class to stop licking the glue stick. I think I even said to him 'Why would you do that?!' He looked at me as if I was from another planet!

Hedwigradio - are you ok? Jeez that's dreadful.

Mawkishtwaddle - can't leave me hanging - was it alive?