Would you do a Clare's law check

[Sockthief22]

If you learned someone you were dating (or considering dating) had been in prison?

No. I just wouldn't date them.

Same. That would be a deal breaker for me.

Bit harsh probably but that alone would be a deal breaker for me.

Do you know what he was in prison for?

That wouldn't be a deal breaker for me depending on what the crime was. People can change. A very good female friend of mine spent a year in prison when she was 18. 10 years on she has a professional job, owns her own home and hasn't been in trouble since.

I would want to know details though.

Yes to the check.

Depends what it was for but if it was anything violent then yes. What do your instincts tell you about him? Does he treat you well?

Yes 100% do the check. Someone being in prison is not necessarily a cause for concern and does not mean they shouldn't be given a chance. It does however mean you should do due diligence and check their prison sentence does not suggest you could be at risk of harm. That said, there are many things that could still suggest a risk to you but which wouldn't flag up in a Clare's Law check so if it comes back clear don't throw caution to the wind.

No, just dump. Next.

I know a few things
1)It was 25 years ago
2) It was something to do with a vehicle and a death.
3) yes this person treats me very well, they're slightly too eager, but then I am very wary. Very kind and nice to be around generally.

I would check it out. He doesn’t need to know you’ve checked and it might give you peace of mind.

I would; i’d also want to know a bit more about it from them.
If for example someone caused a death by dangerous driving at 21 I wouldn’t necessarily write them off at 46 but it all depends what their attitude is to it and how they’ve dealt with it.

Bizarrely I am so scared of them somehow finding out that I have done it. It's a woman btw. I just don't know.

I think their reaction if they did find out would tell you a lot about them. If someone did that to me I genuinely wouldn’t mind as I’ve had enough bad experiences to understand what it’s like to feel wary and want to protect myself.
However as long as you keep it to yourself I can’t see how they’d find out.

Have they refused to be specific beyond 'something involving a vehicle and death' or have you found that out from somewhere else?

Don't even consider dating someone you are already 'so scared' of

Do it. The whole point of the law is to protect women like you. They won't tell her you asked.

I think if you think you need to make enquiries under clare’s law then it’s already time to walk away

I'm scared of them somehow finding out

That's enough for me - I would dump and move on. That's a huge red flag for me.

Scared of being embarrassed or scared of them?

Have to admit her being a woman would put me more at ease than a man.

If you're worried about her reaction then leave now

I wouldn't mind either *user, for that reason.

derelict they told me, but (not proud) it was the first time I met them, I'd had a bit too much 'dutch courage' and I can't remember the full details, and I am not stupid and figure it's something people may play down.
But it isnt just that, It's in case she hasn't been totally honest, and if there's anything else.

toogood I am actually not scared of her as such, I just worry she'd be upset. Then again, after being in an abusive relationship I think I would perhaps consider it on a new potential partner no matter what.

sausage I guess there is that although, I haven't dated a man since I realised I was gay and that's a long time ago. It was kind of a straightforward question in a way, I just wondered what others thought.

I just wanted to check that you know that the information about her general criminal record may not be shared? My understanding has always been that they will share information about domestic abuse or anything that’s a risk to you but I don’t think they’d share everything so you may not find out much more about the crime that led to her going to prison

Have you tried googling ??

Yes I would. But I would also be asking myself why I didn't feel like I could have an open sober conversation with them about it. You may be doing her a disservice by assuming she won't.

Yes - I'd need to know.