I’ve had a breakdown

[nervousbreakdown]

According to GP anyway . I’m on sertraline , and now something called busiperone to try and calm me down .

My thoughts have gone all strange and I am finding I either can’t sit still or I can’t do anything . Having nightmares when I sleep and having very odd thoughts when I’m awake . I’ve never felt like this before and it’s very frightening .

I’m a student so live in halls of residence and rather alone - family know but they are
too far away . Closest relative - geographically - says she can’t help me as it’s too much for her .

I genuinely don’t know what to do except sleep and eat occasionally . I’ve been signed off uni for a year so lots of forms to fill in but I’m struggling to just leave the house never mind worry about a form !

I had a breakdown a few years ago. I just needed time. Initially I slept a lot. I rarely left the house. As time went on things improved and I pushed myself a bit more.

Be kind to yourself. A breakdown is a signal that you need to take things easier, and it's ok to honor that while you get better

I'm also a student in my 4th year and I booked my flight home tomorrow for this very reason after I couldn't stop crying all the way through from thursday to monday and I've had poor mental health for a while.

I found this video by Teal swan helpful:

Right now- break it down into 5 mins slots. What makes you feel better in this moment. Forget everything else. It's okay to do nothing. I've been in bed for most of today. Try to eat though- even if you don't feel like it, something like a protein bar or just milk.

Can you still reach out to the counselling center and get an appointment as soon as possible.

Would it be possible to go back home this week?

Has your GP offered you any additional support such as talking therapy or referral to a community mental health team / psychiatrist?

Looking after your physical health is important, so try to eat regularly and try and keep a routine, so sleep at nighttime. Do you feel able to go out? Thinking gentle walks to give you structure and routine.

Do you have a support network at uni? Friends / housemates? Might be worth researching if there is a local Mind / charities that offer activities and support.

Sending best wishes 💖

Would you consider going home where you would have the support of your family? It sounds very tough to be in your own at a time like this, & forms can be e mailed or posted if necessary. Best wishes from me too.

If you're signed off uni for the rest of the year, I would go home to your parents (assuming you have the sort of relationship where that's possible) and just sleep, eat well, take care of yourself and get better. Having some mum cuddles will surely help!

I would consider going to your parents, or other family, if that is a space that will be comfortable for you.

I had a breakdown in October 2017. I was off work for 6 months. I don't remember a lot about the early days but they were very similar to yours. I also was prescribed Sertraline. It may take a while to get the dosage right. Please keep seeing your GP regularly.

I would recommend setting up the simplest of routines and trying to stick to it. Try and get dressed every day and shower if you can bear it. Maybe a walk. Try and eat (I failed at this miserably but it's solid advice). Try and avoid mood altering substances.

Don't beat yourself up if you manage none of those things, just accept it and try again the next day. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else.

Take the forms slowly. They can be done bit by bit. If you have a friend who's willing to help out, that's definitely something concrete they can help you do. Easier to dictate than write.

If you can access it, consider counselling. If you do be prepared for it to make you feel worse before you feel better. A good counsellor should not push you too hard too fast, but it will be a challenge. I considered it my 'work' at the time.

FWIW, and all experiences are different, I am now back at work full time. I have occasional hard days, but the good days are much more prevalent than the bad.

It may seem a long way off now, but you will come through this. This is a crisis point, but things will gradually improve. Don't be disheartened when really bad days strike, go through them, accept them and the next day will likely be better.

If all of that seems impossible and unrealistic right now, I get it, I'd just say keep it all in mind and when it feels doable do it, if it doesn't don't beat yourself up.

Just an internet stranger, but I really do wish you all the best. It's a horrible place to be and if someone had told me when I was mid-breakdown that I'd be where I am now I would have laughed at them. But I am, and you will be to. It will take time but that's ok.

Too. Too, too, too. My proofreading skills still suck balls though.

I had this too, exactly how you describe. I feel I’m ok now but constantly think what if it comes back and happens again. Then I remember the answer is, I’m more equipped now. I know what to do; try a meditation app. I found headspace helped me so much. I did the anxiety programme and some of the depression one aswell. When it did make a brief return last year I got better myself through headspace.
Oh and I am also on a low dose of AD. 😬
You WILL be ok.
I didn’t think doctors used the phrase breakdown anymore though. I never thought of that’s what it was for me. It just came out of the blue following an operation then an illness.

Thank you all so much ... no he didn’t say breakdown as such just said an episode of severe mental ill health . I can’t do anything in the day time and I can’t sleep at night . I’m waiting on a CPN ringing as I asked them if I can please have some diazepam or zopiclone or something to just knock me out for a few hours , I can’t settle at all just now .

I am going home to my mums , she’s OK to have me back - other family aren’t so happy but I won’t be living with them . Mum has disabilities so apparently I’ve been very selfish but mum said she wouldn’t want me homeless or anything .

I’ve to meet uni housing officer and finance office and sort out that kind of thing then I’m not sure what happens . I’m hoping nothing too awful . I’ve got to somehow try and pack up my room too . I don’t even know where to start with that . I’m so disappointed in myself more than anything .

I haven’t got any friends here - or any willing family (aunt says she has more than enough problems and other relative says she’s a bit busy as well) so it’s bloody awful . When all you want is a cuddle and a cup of tea .

It’s the strange thoughts that are concerning me so much , I know that they aren’t reality but I’ve never had thoughts like them . Eg a woman sat next to me in the surgery today and I thought , there is something about her that is a danger to me - wth does that mean ? She was just an ordinary person . I keep feeling everyone watching me or laughing at me which I know isn’t the case but it’s so strange . My mums family didn’t help phoned last night for two hours and said when I get home I will be under constant scrutiny , not allowed access to money as I have to face the consequences of my actions ... mum will be told what food to buy once a month and bank statements all get checked and scrutinised. I have a credit account and relatives said it’s not for me to touch . I don’t know what happens with my student loan , phone contract , all that stuff . I could live without a phone for a while but I don’t know . Relative said she could phone credit card and explain as I am mentally ill it’s not suitable for me . Apparently they charge £6 per day interest unless I pay off full balance each month (which sounds odd).

Said if I want sanitary pads for example I’ll have to beg my dad to buy them for me . I’ve only met my dad 3 times in the last twenty years . I don’t feel able to phone him and say , could you buy me some tampons .

All I want is just someone to come and sit with me and tell me I’m alright and they aren’t angry or disappointed. Make me a cup of tea or something . Not an option though .

nervousbreakdown

So sorry you are feeling like this and I’m glad the GP is sorting out support.

I am a little concerned about your last post - your relatives sound nasty about your mental health. Is there anywhere else you can live?
I am also concerned about the MH teams not being involved at home and potential delay in getting your support in place. Will your relatives make it difficult to access support?

Bless you, I have been in that very dark place and had a very severe mental breakdown in 2015 following a concussion and post concussion syndrome. I gradually got more and more severe post concussion syndrome symptoms and ended up very ill after not sleeping for a whole week, and I had really severe anxiety.

Like you, I was really restless, agitated, anxious and felt very ill - I was given a lot of psychotropic meds including diazepam, Sertraline, zopiclone and Citalopram. I actually only took the zopiclone and diazepam but was eventually given a very potent first generation antipsychotic drug called Pericyazine to calm me down and knock me out. I was such a mess - my family were practically having a breakdown trying to cope looking after me. I ended up with a drug induced involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia as a result of taking the antipsychotic- but eventually I took the Citalopram I was given and I got better on that.

I echo what others have said in that you need to be around a good support network, with plenty of people to look after you properly and so you can really take care of yourself well. This WILL pass, I promise. In the depths of my despair I was so convinced I was going to be admitted to a mental hospital that I was even more severely anxious because of it, but it was ok in the end. Ok, so I have to live with a movement disorder now - and I hope I haven’t worried you more telling you that! - but I am a million times better than I was and am sure the experience has made me so much more compassionate for those who suffer from mental health illnesses.

Big hugs to you, and take good care of youself. Please update us on how you are. You can do this, one hour at a time. 💖

Op, the way you describe your families plans to "support" you is worrying. You really do need TLC and understanding to help you heal. Can you discuss what they've said to you with your CPN/GP at all? You will get through this, take it slow and be kind to yourself. You're not alone

Last couple of days have been a bit quieter but I’m so crushingly lonely , can’t leave the house but I haven’t seen anyone for days . Two flat mates but both barely speak English and it’s getting to me now . Tried to ask aunty for help and she flipped her lid near enough . Other relative said no chance can I stay at hers as she’s too busy . With regard to other relatives ... they haven’t phoned since . I’m terrified of spending money but had to buy food ! Need to buy laundrette as well but I’ll sort that out tomorrow . Just wish I wasn’t so lonely. You think if it was a broken leg you’d be overrun with people offering to help . But it’s a broken mind , and no one in real life wants to offer a hand up .

I haven’t a CPN, I’ve got access to them overnight through an emergency number but no other option . GP understands a little but not properly unfortunately.

Oh honey, it sounds like you're having a terrible time of it. There's a couple of issues here, your health and your family.
Who was the relative that was saying all the nasty things to you? Will they be involved with you if you were to go back home? Because, quite honestly, being treated like that will not help your mental health recovery at all. You are vulnerable right now and you need to tell someone official about the level of "support" you would get at home.
Can you meet with your tutor or pastoral worker to figure out your plans? I know you don't want to live on your own but to me,, it sounds like it could be safer than being near relatives who quite frankly , sound abusive.
Ask the gp for something to help you sleep, you may be given several doses of zopiclone.
There is support out there, have you any friends who can come with you to appointments, or help you locate sources of support.

I'm sorry you're going through this, even though I haven't walked in your shoes, I have had severe episodes of depression over the years, including one which landed me in a psychiatric unit. Just take it an hour at a time and keep holding onto the thought that this will pass, you will recover. Maybe someone will come long with more suggestions of where to get help, good books etc.
Sending you a virtual . I hope you get better soon x

Keep posting here for support sweetie. You will get there. Go to yr Mums asap and breathe...eat...sleep. take every day as it comes

Do you have a local branch of MIND at all? They were fantastic for me. You can self-refer so would be worth ringing for a chat. Also blurtitout.org is worth checking out.

Big hug lovely.

Keep posting and chatting on here!! Get involved in conversation :)
Lots of love to you, wishing the very best for you xxxx

Op, I can fully relate to how you are felling, and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Regarding your question about the unusual thoughts, for example the woman sat near you, when you are highly anxious your body goes into a state called fight or flight. Your body and mind will be super alert to any potential dangers, to try and prepare you to fight or run (flight). It's a chemical imbalance, but the sertraline will balance it out again over time.

You poor thing. Your university’s student counselling service should also be able to support you, please contact them. (I worked as a student counsellor in a university for several years). They will also have mental health specialists who are CPNs, and given your circumstances, they should be able to see you on a same-day basis... university counselling services can often give you much more support than a GP practice. They may also be able to help with putting things in place for when you return home. If you just need a cup of tea and a hug, most universities also offer a student wellbeing service, staffed by people who are not counsellors, but are there to support students in difficulty. Please contact them too, they’re there to help. Sending you a big hug, I hope you’ll start to feel a bit better soon... xx

How are you OP?

Struggling - more because I just can’t physically leave the house . Now that I haven’t walked anywhere in 3 weeks it feels immensely difficult to start again iyswim ? I’ve no energy either . I’ve spent the last 5 days just watching YouTube and worrying about whether I should try to get fresh air ... it’s so horrible . W

I am a MH nurse, I would consider you to be in need of further MH support and medication review. Would suggest returning to GP and asking for crisis team support or if you are open to a community MH team ringing and saying you need an urgent appointment.

I hope you are ok OP, do go back to your GP.

GP is just giving me Valium which makes me feel weird , supposed to take 3 times a day for a week . If I take in morning as I have just now I can’t get up again til 12 noon or later ... will try phoning them later today . It sounds silly but I wish there was someone who could take me out somewhere and support me with how I feel and understand . I can’t go out with friends (if I had any) because I don’t think they’d understand but if there was a support worker or someone who could just calm me down ... I’ve never felt like this before . I need to go do laundry today .

I feel like every part of me is locked away - I used to like shopping , exploring , pubs, cinema , theatre , parks, even browsing charity shops , going to the library ... now I can’t even bear to go to the kitchen or the toilet some days . Where does that come from ?

I’ve got a crisis line but when I ring them they just say , there’s nothing to harm me outside and I need to try and carry on but I can’t . My legs go like jelly , I feel dizzy, gasp for breath and my face tingles and I feel like I’m dying . If I go out it’s like I feel I am tempting fate ? So I say , I can’t go out today because if I do then that’s the day something will go wrong .

I’ve been asked to see a uni support worker for mental health at 2pm though so will go see her . My housing officer for halls of residnece came up yesterday to sort out arrangements for giving back my keys ...
When I see uni lady I’ll try and be honest with her and explain I’m really struggling and harming etc . She’s a trained staff nurse so she could check out injuries I’ve got actually .... I’ve met her before and she’s lovely .

My lecturer made me cry as well , as she sent an email saying she was ‘so very worried (about me)’ and wasn’t sure how best to help . When all you’re getting is criticism from family and ignored by everyone else ... I wish there was someone I could go and stay with .

I’ve arranged a van to get my stuff home to my mum on the 12th Feb at least . That’s just two weeks away . Family said I won’t get any MH support at home but at least I’ll be with my mum and in quiet familiar village , where I can maybe build up to small walks with mum , then long walks , then days out , etc. Home is right on the beach too which is always very soothing I find ... and mum has a (very old) cat , he’s very affectionate in his old age ... some cuddles with him might help too .