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Original poster

Would you change your name?

46 replies

jackrussle1 · 19/01/2019 21:40

Once married, would you take on your partners surname if you don't get on with his family (putting it lightly) and are virtually no contact? They are terrible people and I wouldn't want to 'honour' them by taking on their name. My partner wouldn't consider using my name if that makes a difference... Looking for honest opinions. Thanks.

OP posts:
dudsville · 19/01/2019 21:41

I wouldn't change my name even if i adored the family.

FissionChips · 19/01/2019 21:42

Why would your partner not consider using the your name?

You could always make up a family name together and change both to that.

pfwow · 19/01/2019 21:42

No. But then I don't get the handwringing over having the same name as the person you're married to.

jessstan2 · 19/01/2019 21:43

No need to change name but am more concerned about you not liking his family, it helps if you do.

Jiggins · 19/01/2019 21:45

Wouldn't take anyone else's name even if I adored them. I was born with this name and I'll die with this name.

(and no it isn't 'just my father's name anyway'. It's mine! Just wanted to get that in there before someone brings it up Smile )

Keep you own name, OP.

OKhitmewithit · 19/01/2019 21:45

I love my DH family and never changed my name. I would be thinking about the relationship if his family is that bad.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/01/2019 21:45

When we got engaged I changed my surname to dh's first name.. Glad I did as ils turned into nutty folk and dh's doesn't want the name either!!

almutasakieun · 19/01/2019 21:47

Not if it bothered me no. But if I loved a guy, I would probably want to take his name. I'm a bit weird though.

CinnamonToaster · 19/01/2019 21:48

I got married 15 years ago and I changed my name. If I were getting married now, I think I'd choose not to. It would be too strong to say I regret changing it, but I think I let it go too lightly. It's increasingly common for a couple to have different surnames.

The only sticking point - and it's a big one IMO - is what you do about any children's surnames.

dellacucina · 19/01/2019 21:48

I don't believe in taking a partner's name under any circumstances...

Jaimx86 · 19/01/2019 21:49

I love his family but didn’t take on DH’s name. My name is MY name.

Original poster
jackrussle1 · 19/01/2019 21:50

Thanks for the replies. Food for thought especially regarding potential future children.

OP posts:
ILoveChristmasLights · 19/01/2019 21:52

Would he double barrel names? I’d do that as it’s pretty much a new name then, but if HE won’t I’d keep my name...and REALLY think hard about whether marrying him was a good idea. Not because of the name, but because you don’t get on with his family and if he doesn’t want to make a new start with you I’d be concerned.

Jiggins · 19/01/2019 21:55

You can keep your name, he can keep his and you can double barrel future kids. You don't need to worry what the kids do with their names if/when they get married or if/when they have kids.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/01/2019 21:55

My ds has dh's first name as his surname!!

CinnamonToaster · 19/01/2019 21:58

Children do make it complicated if, like with DH and me, double barrelling sounds ridiculous.

Husband absolutely not considering changing his name is fine, IMO, IF they are also fine with children taking their mother's surname. If he expects to keep his own name and then the children "automatically" get it rather than their mum's, then that is an issue.

GroggyLegs · 19/01/2019 22:00

No I wouldn't take DH name in those circumstances.

100% my children would share my name though, whatever I decided.

pinkpig381 · 19/01/2019 22:02

I took my partners name when we got married, but I don't see my dad or that side of the family (haven't since I was a kid), mum remarried so we all had different names anyway. I also want to have the same surname as our future children ☺️

MeetOnTheledge · 19/01/2019 22:05

I didn't and I think the world of DH's family.

sphinxa · 19/01/2019 22:06

Definitely not!

E20mom · 19/01/2019 22:13

I won't change mine regardless of all that. I think my surname is much better than his.

E20mom · 19/01/2019 22:14

Children have my surname so not a problem.

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 22:16

Not under any circumstances

HildaZelda · 19/01/2019 22:29

I didn't change my name when I married DH and I never will. His DB (in his case that stands for 'dickhead brother'!) left his first wife for someone else and she was stuck with his surname. Now that her DS is over 18, she's talking about reverting to her maiden name. She told me I definitely made the right decision in not changing.
If DH and I ever split up, it'll definitely be one less thing to worry about!

IcedPurple · 19/01/2019 22:48

I would never adopt a man's name no matter how much I loved his family. It genuinely surprises me how so many women still do this.

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