Would you change your name?

[jackrussle1]

Once married, would you take on your partners surname if you don't get on with his family (putting it lightly) and are virtually no contact? They are terrible people and I wouldn't want to 'honour' them by taking on their name. My partner wouldn't consider using my name if that makes a difference... Looking for honest opinions. Thanks.

Honestly, neither my maiden name or married name mean that much to me, so i just went for married name as so much easier on all paperwork and its nicer? Y parents divorced when i was little so my name changed through legal battle a couple of times through remarrying, grew up with siblings and parents of different names so for me it doesnt matter, its just a name, a nice one and a not so nice one? X

I never got on with my IL's but I took DH's surname. He was quite happy to change to mine but I liked his.

Surprised really how many haven't changed their name. Thinking about my nieces and their friends, ten are married and 8 changed their name to the husband's. All married within the last 4 years

Women changing their surname upon marrying is still very much the default.

I took my dh surname, I wanted us to be a family in the sense that me him and our kids have the same surname just like my mom dad and me did. I have things like Christmas at the *’s which I love... I think double barrelling unless you have three letter surnames is just a faff for the child.
If we were to end I would just change it back if I felt necessary, I don’t see it as a big deal.

Also we don’t really speak much to many of his family members, just naturally have drifted and although we do see his immediate family, I see his surname as him I married him, I don’t see it as his family own that name and nor did so marry them.

I think it’s weird that women are expected to change their name on marriage. It’s totally outdated. I call3d my dc after me too - now I’m a single parent and so just as well. I think it makes sense to call dc after their mum as the default.

I kept my name and our children have my name too.

My DH is estranged from all the family that share his surname after some pretty nasty behaviour and circumstances. However, he is proud of his Scottish heritage and feels his name is a big part of that.

I chose to take his name so that we could start our family and turn the negative associations with that name around and make it something positive.

I changed my name as I wanted our family to have a family name we all shared. I don't like double barrelled names and wasnt particularly precious which name we used.

Don't care or judge what others personal choice are.

What is so awful about your potential in laws, op?

I have used both my husband's and my surnames - I had two surnames as an unmarried woman because I was adopted. So birth name and adoptive name, then husband's.

Couldn't care less about any of them though.

my partner changed his name from his abusive father’s surname to his mother’s surname who has passed away. if we get married i would probably double barrel so that i have the same name as our kids l.

I took my husbands name as I wanted us all to have the same "family" name once we had children. I personally don't feel I lost anything by taking his name, it wasn't about his family but about our family, so wether I got on with his family or not, I would have taken his name.

Interesting - no, in the situation you have described, however I am not reverting to my 'maiden' name following divorce as it is more important to me to have the same name as my DC.
My 'maiden name' In itself had nothing to do with either of my parents really though - it was DMs married name, but not to my Dad so wasn't my DMs 'real' name or DDs - it was a name my DM had taken from her 1st DH so 'my name' meant nothing to me when I got married, but it does now because itsDCs name.

LOVE THIS THREAD - I could have written this myself seven years ago!!!

In the run up to the wedding DH was adamant he wanted me to take his name despite the fact the only time I had laid eyes on his father was when the judge sent him to prison for 15y. His other family had all (re)married and had a different surname entirely.

I umm'ed and are'd and just didn't commit one way or the other.

6m post wedding and we were driving past his home town. I told him that I hated being in that place as it reminded me of all the horrible things that had happened. For the same reason I didn't want to take his surname as it would always be a reminder.

I offered a compromise and suggested double barrelled (Mrs X-Y) or just a title change with my original surname (Mrs X rather than Miss X).

Two weeks later he offered to change his surname to mine!!!

I suggest u tell him the reason why u dont want to be associated with the name and offer a compromise. If he doesn't take u up on the offer, just do nothing therefore keeping the original

I didn’t take my partner’s name. I felt no attachment to it and it would seem so alien to go by a different name.

No children but we had originally planned to double-barrel. Recently my husband said he’d be happy for them to just take my name. He doesn’t feel any affinity with his own so, although he’s not changing it, he doesn’t mind any future children having a different one.

Sent to soon

My husband’s sister is very passive aggressive about it all. She changed her name on marriage and believes I should have too. She insists on addressing post to me as Mrs Husbandsname

I kept my maiden name, more for practical reasons tbh (two passports, bank accounts / driver licenses & asset abroad etc which would be a PITA to sort out).

That said I also like my maiden name, and am not mad keen on DH common last name.

Our kids have doubled barrelled last names, they probably would have got my name but DH last name is only four letters.

I took my DH's name. Never occurred to me to think about his family. I only thought about him ♥️😁

Nope. I didn't. Nobody does in my country of origin and I find it so odd that people here still do

I couldn't see a good reason to do so much paperwork so I didn't. (No idea what people mean when they say it is easier!)

Surely if he really loved you he would change his name to yours ?
Does he hate your whole family ?
Doesn’t he realise how insulting this is to your mother ?
After all , his name isn’t really his, is it, it’s just his mothers .
It will be so much nicer and neater if he has the same name as you.
The paperwork is easy, just a couple for forms.
Lots of men have surnames that are too unusual/ boring / hard to spell/ too foreign.

It’s a sign of commitment.
And what about the children? Won’t he feel left out if he is the only one with a different surname ?
Double barrelling is too complex for some women to understand.
People might think he’s an unmarried father or divorced.
He will have trouble taking the children out the country without you.
Friends and family won’t know how to address your Christmas cards.
It’s tradition.

There you are - 14 good reasons for him to change his name to yours.