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Original poster

Really struggling with getting rid of my mothers hoarding in my house

40 replies

Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 14:43

She has various mental health problems. We aren't close, but around a year ago she decided she was going to move to be near me. She stayed for around 9 months before coming round one day and just saying she was leaving the next day to go back home. This isn't unusual behaviour, she has bipolar so regularly makes big decisions on the spur of the moment.

By this point she had already stored two big bits of furniture in my house. They arrived when I was at work and she put them in the kids playroom and moved all their stuff to a corner of the dining room. She absolutely HAD to have this furniture but needed a bigger house to put it in so could she store it at mine.

The day she left I was at work, she sent me a message saying she couldn't take everything on the train with her so she had left clothes at mine which she would arrange to be couriered to hers. This was over 8 months ago. I've given her countless opportunities to come and get them and she hasn't. So today I've started clearing them out.

I had NO IDEA how much stuff she had left here. The wardrobe she left is packed to the rafters with clothes. Literally stuffed full. She has always hoarded clothes but this is something else. Most of them still have labels on them and run the gauntlet of cheap and horrible to stupidly expensive. There is about 50 bras. 20 scarves. A bin bag half full of swimsuits with labels on. About 50 skirts, countless trousers and tops.

This is just in the first wardrobe. I know shes got about 10 binbags in the loft which are full. DD just sheepishly told me nanny put a bag in her room too. Its a wheeled shopper full of shoes hidden behind a door.

I'm literally paralysed with indecision. Should I go through and pull expensive stuff and put it on ebay? Should I just charity shop it without even looking? We have a big clothes bin thing up the road should I put it there?

I hate clutter and I want all this crap out of my house. Any advice would be great. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 14:45

Sorry timeline is a bit squiffy. She left about 8 mths ago, stayed here for 9 months before that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 14:47

Regarding the furniture, I managed to get one bit outside today and DS broke it up and its gone on the bonfire.

The other bit is a huge old wardrobe which I couldn't move if I tried. I don't even know how she got it in the house tbh. DS said the men built it in the house so it's going to need to be taken apart before I can move it out. But it seems wrong to just get rid. I don't know if I can cope with the hassle of selling it as she said its an antique (I have no idea)

OP posts:
heyjude12 · 19/01/2019 14:48

Can you take them to her if not just charity shop them. If she hasn't needed them in 8 month's she doesn't need them x

Original poster
Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 14:52

No way am I taking them to her. She has moved about 4 hours away and it would just be even more hoarding on top of the stuff she already has.

OP posts:
greenelephantscarf · 19/01/2019 14:55

write her a letter. recorded delivery.
tell her to pick the items up by xxx (2week) and after that you will discard.
after that sell what's worth selling and tip the rest.

change your locks so that she can't sneak back in.
what a cheek your mother has.

Original poster
Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 14:57

She's been given enough chances and timescales. It is causing me stress having this stuff in the house. I just don't know if I should bother going through it all or just charity shop it in one job lot tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 14:58

She doesn't drive and with her MH problems is not going to come and pick them up. She won't sort a courier as all her money goes as soon as it comes in.

OP posts:
April241 · 19/01/2019 15:00

Id get that into bin bags and straight to the skip. Our skip is all segrated and has several clothing bins which I regularly off load into.

SeaToSki · 19/01/2019 15:01

Do you have the time and energy to sort it and ebay the more valuable bits? WOULd that money be useful?

If no and no, bag it all up and take it to a charity shop.

If its yes, then set yourself a time limit of 1 hr a day (or whatever) and start going through it. Make a specific day each week the day you take that weeks low value stuff to the charity shop, so you can see the progress. Keep a running tally of how much money you have earned from ebay, so you can see the benefit.

For the big wardrobe, look and see if it is screwed together or nailed. If its screwed, you may be able to take it apart in the room and carry it out piece by piece. Otherwise, take a sledge hammer to it and break it up to carry it out in bits.

Time to take back your house

MoMandaS · 19/01/2019 15:03

Do you have a local Facebook community page? If so, offer the more expensive stuff and furniture on there if you're worried about it going to waste. Or freecycle. Otherwise, clothes bin/charity shop. You'll feel so much better once it's gone. It's served its purpose in feeding your mum's habit; any other use it gets from anyone is a bonus.

SummersB · 19/01/2019 15:05

I would get rid too. She’s had enough opportunities!
If you are skint I would maybe consider selling some more expensive items on eBay. If you don’t need the cash just charity shop the lot. Same with the wardrobe - you could stick it on Facebook for sale or eBay and say people need to come and take it apart if they chose to buy it. If you don’t need the cash just take a screwdriver/saw/sledge Hammer to it, take apart and burn.
I think you need to get rid fast. That’s why my suggestion is to charity shop the lot. From experience I found that eBaying takes a while and some items don’t sell and end up hanging around for ages. It sounds like for your mental health you need a „clean break“ though, so that’s why I would set a day and get rid of the lot, rather than trying to sell (unless as I said, you really need the cash). Good luck, you will feel so much better once it’s gone!

KnittingSister · 19/01/2019 15:05

Charities will often collect for a large quantity of stuff, including furniture. Speak to some of your local charity shops if you're not bothered about getting any money for it all and don't want to eBay.

Butterymuffin · 19/01/2019 15:05

Don't try to sort it, it won't be worth the emotional toll it takes. Nearest charity shop, as it is, right now. They'll be grateful and you'll be free.

EspressoButler · 19/01/2019 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

llangennith · 19/01/2019 15:08

Don't feel bad about it, get rid of it all asap.

Original poster
Clarissaintheway · 19/01/2019 15:08

She bought the bloody wardrobe from BHF Hmm

Yes reading all your messages I definitely just want rid. Its weighing me down. Going to bag it all up now and just take it to the clothes bin. Anyone want a nice Jasper Conran skirt, tags on, £75 new ffs

OP posts:
Somerville · 19/01/2019 15:09

Sounds like there is enough that a local charity shop might come and do a collection.

If not, do whatever is more convenient/lease hassle to you.

April241 · 19/01/2019 15:12

Enjoy the feeling once you've decluttered!! I clear out our place a LOT, I need to as mentally I can't cope with cluttered spaces.

7yo7yo · 19/01/2019 15:17

Don’t go through it op.
Stuff it into black bin bags and get it out of the house.

missmouse101 · 19/01/2019 15:23

No hesitation, get rid in the best way for you. Freecycle is great for anything you just want taken away from your house pronto.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 19/01/2019 15:30

I think I would take the pricey stuff out and sell it on eBay and for the rest I would ring the heart foundation and ask them to send their man with a van round. Emmaus do a man with a van service too.

isseywithcats · 19/01/2019 16:19

before you put it in the clothes bin be aware that there are people who raid these bins and some of them are commercial ones not charity ones, the best thing to do would be contact a couple of local charity shops and as theres so much ask them to pick up from you less hassle of putting it all in your car

CountessVonBoobs · 19/01/2019 16:24

If there are BNWT pieces of expensive clothing in there I would 100% call one of the companies who eBay stuff for you and get them to come and take the lot. They'll sell it and take a cut, you'll get the cash back and since you didn't spend on them in the first place you'll be laughing. It's your stuff now, your mother's forfeited it to you. Get it out, get it sold so it gets actually used, pocket the cash and feel good about it.

Bananalanacake · 19/01/2019 16:38

Sounds like she needs help with her spending addiction. Buying new clothes and never wearing them is wasteful and worrying.

greenelephantscarf · 19/01/2019 17:05

Sounds like she needs help with her spending addiction.
yes, but that's nothing to do with the op