Did you have your life figured out at 23?

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I'm currently studying psychology and criminology with open university. I'm not enjoying it at all finding it all very boring and the fact that I'm going to be studying for years and not able to work full time is frustrating.

I have two children and live with OH I know I have done everything backwards but it's just the way things have turned out.

I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing in life I'm doing a course I hate and want to quit.

I'm interested in doing a Microblading course and starting up on my own but I don't know whether to just go for it and quit uni.

Finding my 20s really difficult I'm still young but want to just find something I love.

But then I'm doubting myself could I even run a business!

Hell no. I was studying for a Masters I really had no interest in despite spending my 2nd - 4th year of my undergrad wanting to leave and had no clue what to do with my life.

Don't feel like you've done everything backwards. Everyone does things differently.

I'm 27, own a house, live with my DP and DSD (part of the time) and still don't feel I've figured out my life! Tbh I hated my early twenties too. I've applied again to university to retrain and know lots of others my age (and older) who have done or are doing the same. One of the other girls on my course retrained immediately after graduating. Another friend had two non starters for her degree - she switched in her first year and then dropped out after two years of a different degree. She's now really happy as she's retraining and finally found what she wants to stick at.

How long have you got left on your OU course? Personally for me that would dictate whether I'd drop out or not. If you've not got long left I'd stick it out. If you've still got several years left I'd drop out. Maybe research how you can get into the Microblading side of things first?

I'm 45. I have a very successful career in the professions. I still don't have my life figured out. My 20-year career is still kind of a stop-gap while I work out what I really want to do.

I had my who!e life planned at 23 and then I left my husband at age 25 and my life changed beyond belief. So my plans turned out to be rubbish!

I’m rapidly heading towards my 40s and still don’t have anything figured out and not for a want of trying either!

@PoesyCherish it's just so frustrating I have two years left it's making me so unhappy. I honestly just feel like a failure at the moment.
I have just enquired for the HD brows so waiting for them to get back to me.

Not married to OH and even though we are happy I rely on him for everything. Would love to know that if anything went wrong me and the children are fine.

I keep saying I'm still young but before you know it another year has passed by and I still haven't achieved anything.

In that case personally I would leave if it's making you that unhappy. Don't feel like a failure. It's just taken you a while to figure out what you want. Is there something you could do in the meantime between leaving OU and starting the Microblading?

Is marriage something you'd like? What does your OH think?

Absolutely not.

When I was 23 I was going to:

1. Be a qualified financial adviser by the time I was 30.

2. Have a cracking lifestyle of fast cars and high heels, a beautiful house and a cat.

3. I was not getting married. I loved my boyfriend, but wasn't ready to commit.

4. Was absolutely not having children. Ever.

Now I'm 34 I am:

Working in project planning.
Married (to the boyfriend I had when 23)
Mum to two kids.
I have the slowest car in the world.
I do have a cracking collection of high heels.
No cat.
Normal house.

But - I'm happy.

I think most people don't 'figure life out.' In my case what instead happened was that around the 30 mark I stopped worrying about it and accepted most people were just faking it as much as they needed to get by.

I worried about things a lot more in my 20s I think, because I felt that I should be 'figuring it out.'

Shirt answer - no. Life is unrecognisable to my early 20s. By please don't feel you have to have anything figured out by any point. That's not the end point of life/adulthood. My approach is that the important thing is to stick to my core values/goals (for you it sounds something like being financially independent and a stable force for your DC). And then to be a bit braver than feels comfortable and take opportunities that come along. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But we learn so much more from trying and "failing" than not trying at all. I saw this on twitter: F.A.I.L: First Attempt In Learning. I like that.

With your course, huve you got to a stage (or can you) where you have a qualification even if not the full one you were signed up to? I'm not sure where you are but in Scotland for e.g. you could get a certain number of credits and have an HNC or HND before you get to a degree? That would mean you have something "in the bag" to build on whatever you do next. Don't underestimate how much the rest of the world loves a "qualification" to measure you by! It can be really helpful even 10 /20 years down the line.

Can you speak to someone at OU about transferring to another course (perhaps business type course?) Meanwhile look into your micro-blading. I have friends who went into beauty therapy and have found it to be a really rewarding, flexible career. You can make contacts on the course that can help you get in a foot in the door.

Whatever you do, be brave, be kind to yourself and very well done on all you've achieved so far

Wouldn't life get a bit dull if you had everything figured out? In any case, hardly anyone has it figured out, especially not at 23, and those who do will find that life will throw a spanner in the works and upset it and all with illness or redundancy or something or other.

Is it the course subject you are finding uninspiring, or the whole idea of studying? Would switching subjects help?

Do you know about imposter syndrome - you probably could run a business, so don't let fear put you off! You're doing OU, even if you aren't enjoying it - it shows you are capable of learning things you don't already know about running a business - and you won't be starting out by jumping in as CEO of a multinational corporation, so it will be manageable. Plus you are not making a decision forever - you could do it for the rest if your life, but maybe it's just what you do for the next 5 or 10 years, and then you change again.

You have time to think about your options and give things ago - that's really exciting. Good luck!

I'm currently studying psychology and criminology with open university. I'm not enjoying it at all finding it all very boring and the fact that I'm going to be studying for years and not able to work full time is frustrating.

How far into the degree are you? I'm not entirely sure what 'microblading' is, other than something to do with eyebrows, but how do you train, and is it likely to be a fad that doesn't last or leave you with longterm skills and a viable business?

No. I never even made it to university.

Sort of. My parents were always ambitious on my behalf, wanted me to go to university and have a fabulous career, but it wasn’t what I really wanted. I’m just not that driven sort of person. I know I’m a disappointment to them in that sense.

What I really wanted was marriage and children. I got married at 18, now I’m 33 with 3DC, and although I have my PhD I’ve done nothing with it. But maybe I can in the future when my children are older.

Everyone’s lives are a work in progress and there are always spanners in the works along the way. There’s no right way to do it! We’re all just figuring it out as we go along.

It’s very difficult to get through a uni course when you really don’t enjoy the subject though. Anything you’d like to switch to? Is it possible to change, or maybe take a break for a while while you try out your other ideas?

God no! At 23 I had been graduated for a year with a degree that I wasn't really interested in pursuing, was floating around doing temping jobs, no idea what to do, living with a man I thought I'd marry and was never ever having kids nope no sirree.

Life is now totally different, different man, different career (retrained at 30) have a DC, live somewhere I never thought I'd be.

Everyone is winging it, pretty much. Apart from a "count on fingers of one hand" number of people I've met who have always had a burning vocational ambition since day dot, most people I know have changed careers, dropped careers, become parents when they thought they wouldn't or not become when they had planned to for various reasons (not just fertility issues). Moved, suffered various blows, many have had issues with MH or physical illness that have radically altered their life plan.

In short, don't sweat it. There is no perfect route in life, we are always learning (I hate the phrase "on a journey" but it's actually true) and finding out about ourselves. I feel I'm finally becoming the person I was meant to be in my 50s. In my 20s I really didn't know myself well at all and took pointers from those around me rather than listening to my gut and instincts. You sound more sorted than me! Be brave, sit with yourself quietly and listen to what your heart tells you.

I’m 32, successful career, own home - and I don’t want to have my life all figured out, at any age, really. Certainly not right now - I’ve got another two and a half decades at least of my career in front of me and, all going well, could be alive for another fifty plus years yet. That’s a hell of a long time to follow one single life path of “all figured out”. I want to take opportunities as I find them and have the freedom to refigure things on my own terms.

You’re 23, you’re not much older than a kid: though I imagine living the life of having a long-term OH and a couple of kids of your own makes you feel a lot older. If you’re not doing something you enjoy, change it. It doesn’t have to be reckless and spur of the moment (though I’ve done reckless and spur of the moment and it’s a whole lot of fun) but don’t sit about frustrated because you think you’ve made the wrong choices and have to stick by them - change things.

Dyes I did.
I had just qualified in my field, bought my first house and was settling down to find my feet career wise, do up my house, have fab holidays, earn good money and just have a great life.
And I did.
But I was kinda single minded about what I wanted to do and how I was going about it.
It carried on to plan with a few spammers in the works along the way over the years, but yeah, life has gone as planned so far.

Nowt wrong with floundering a bit, you have years ahead of you.

No. I'm nearly 40 and still treading water. Early 20s you can afford to go with your heart I think. Earning money is a good thing - you can do a masters at any time if you discover something you enjoy. You won't know if you're good at business until you try - do your research, educate yourself on how to go about it and go for it. (Like I didn't).

Sorry don't know why I thought you were doing an MA -but I still think degrees aren't always the best way to go about things. If you have an idea, see how far you can take it.

Nope, had a few wilderness years then, done another degree and a load of course since. My life is a series of serendipitous events, no career, very happy tho. Still no master plan.

I was in a much better position then than I am now! I was working full-time and earning a decent wage, I had low outgoings and savings. I should have bought my own house, I could have got a good mortgage based on my income and expenditure, especially when now dh moved in. Instead we chose to rent (why?!) and then I lost my job. I got a different job but not as many hours or as well paid and when we had two dc my income went even further down. 15 years later we are still renting and are 25k in debt. We're absolutely screwed and have only brought it on ourselves.

If I was you I would do the micro blading course and start my own business PT whilst continuing to study PT and do both.

I think you will regret throwing a degree away but doing something else as well will give you a break from study, which you can get drained by over time.

Ps. Nobody knows what the hell they're doing, even those that seem to have their shit together. We are all basically just winging it.

Not at all. I was also studying at that age and had a 'plan' but things didn't quite work out the way I had expected.

I'm now late 30's and have a far better idea about what's going on!

There's such a difference in the courses you're doing/want to do!

If you didn't have children or a partner now, what would you want to do? What are your interests? Have you ever thought or been told you're good at something?