What should a nine year old be doing?

[expatinspain]

DD was nine in October and at the moment she makes her bed, cleans her room (inc dusting etc), washes up her breakfast dishes, gets her breakfast (cereal) and does her own hair.

One of my friends was talking about how their DD makes cups of tea, makes their own dinner sometimes (pasta) and can bake a cake independently. DD made her first sandwich the other day!! Some kids are ironing, but DD has never done this.

What do your nine year olds do? Am I not teaching her what I should for her age?

She would do nothing if she could get away with it. She doesn't have a burning desire for too much independence 😂

Tbh, if she's active in organising herself for school and has a good sense of how shopping etc works. I think thays enough.

I don't think that they need to be ironing at primary school.

Some children are more clumsy. Some children don't enjoy baking etc.

I'm sure you aren't doing everything that other Women your age are doing, good and bad.

Make things like baking fun and work with what she enjoys.

I was ironing in primary school and making cups of tea. I could get dressed and do my hair and make my bed. I couldnt cook though. Some of my independence was a result of my mother being ill and bed bound for a year though. I didn’t learn to cook till I left home and now, if I say so myself, I am a pretty good cook.

I think it totally depends on their interest. DS age 10 is starting to cook and will iron because he for some reason cares about having ironed clothes more than I do. But he wouldn't wash up (though he can load the dishwasher, sort of) and he's awful at organising his school things.

It's like babies isn't it? Some of them roll and crawl but don't sit still and others sit for ages and don't walk until later. They all get there in the end.

There are lots of skills they could be developing at 9 but they aren't going to be equally proficient or find things of equal importance. Just choose the things you or she want to work on.

I have 2 9 year olds.

Ideally they'd do nothing because they are lazy good for nothings who like to be waited on but they:

Tidy rooms to a good standard of course
Make breakfast
Make toast
Dd1 will make tea and scrambled egg
Load/unload dishwasher
Clear the table/lay the table
Dd1 will do her hair really well
Put clothes away

We should get them doing more actually - hoovering and dusting and stuff. We don't iron much as a family tbh.

I also need to get them more confident in shops and stuff - we have no corner shop, just supermarkets so they don't get to do a lot of paying/handling money which I need to change. They order food well though

Just about tidy room

That’s it.

My focus is on getting him to turn off the damn lights when he leaves bedroom and bathroom atm

Wow. Your daughter sound slike an angel. I can just abotu get my Dteens to carry their plates to the sink after dinner.
At that age they certainly didn't make tea. They could cook with supervision but not alone.

I think what she’s doing sounds fine, and you can build on that by adding in things she likes. DS is 2, and he puts his dishes and cups in the sink after using, hangs up his coat and puts away his shoes, and helps tidy up his toys and books. He also helps o load and unload the washing machine and hang up the wet laundry, because he loves doing it.

Mine's 8, she makes herself a drink (cold drink, not boiling the kettle), puts her dishes away and helps me with foodshopping (I give her a list and she gets the bits) it's only a local small supermarket, not a megastore. She brushes her hair (waist long) and will tidy her room when I ask her. She will also help setting the table for dinner.

fatpatsthong My DD is the same. Would be waited on hand and foot, if given the opportunity 😂

No hair to deal with here (It's time for a hair cut if I have to ask for it to be brushed!), but yes to clearing table, putting toys away, folding and sorting and storing laundry - without fail. Breakfast on own if wanted before about 7am at the weekends.
He also get himself home from school - gets on the correct, dedicated, bus once released from the classroom. Aprox 50 busses to choose from. This is standard here from Y2

The following can be done, but its not a regular thing, just pitching in occasionally. Cleaning room. Strip bed. Start putting on new sheets but I usually help. Load /unload dishwasher. Hand wash pans etc. Toast and Sandwiches. Omelette. Cake with supervision.

I let him got to the shop for bread or milk, but we live in a walled community (abroad). I wouldn't let him go to a shop outside on his own.

Omelette is about the only think he does with hot stuff (So no kettles, irons etc) and is fairly new.

It's weird, because when I talk to her grandmothers, they tell me 'she's just a child', she doesn't need to be doing all those things, but reading on here, clearly I should be encouraging her to do a bit more. I think sometimes I just do it because it's easier or for example, with the boiling of the kettle, because I'm worried she'll scald herself.

Do any of your kids go out by themselves? We have a sweet shop about 50m away from our house, with no roads to cross. I've been debating letting her go, but wasn't sure whether she's a bit young.

My 9 year old makes his bed and changes bedding, he dusts his room and his brother hoovers it.

They do the dishes at night (one washes the other dries and both put away), they also help sort washing, fold it and put away their own stuff after it's dry or ironed. They can also put on a load if I tell them what cycle to put it on.

They both make their breakfast and can make their lunches if it sandwiches or pasta.

They have cleaned the bathroom before and will empty the bins and put new bags in if I ask.

cookiemonster Wow, cleaning the bathroom! Did they do it well? Do you worry about the hot water with the pasta? Do you always supervise?

It’s a tricky one isn’t it. I barely lifted a finger the whole time I lived at home. I was a hardworking, respectful teen and I kept my room tidy. That was enough for my m&d. When I got my own home I just knew what to do despite never being ‘taught’.

DS is 10. The same, a kind, respectful child. He keeps his room tidy. Says thankyou when we do things for him. He can make toast, turn the dish washer on. I’m sure the rest will come with age but I’m happy to look after him.

" I think sometimes I just do it because it's easier or for example, with the boiling of the kettle, because I'm worried she'll scald herself."

Sit in a children's A&E and you'll see lots of children coming in with burns and their Parents declaring that it's something they've always done, but was careless that day.

IMO, it isn't that important that she does it, at her age, that it's worth the risk.

When mine were that age, they played out and took themselves to school, on a safe route.

Do a mini mental risk assessment and ask yourself how important is it.

Beware of competitive parenting.

Sounds like iour kid is fine. Sounds like the other kid is fine.

My 12 year old with SN does recycling ie sorts and puts into correct container and gets them out on Monday morning with reminding. He keeps all shoes tidy on the shoe rack and if he sees any shoes anywhere in house he will put them on rack. He carries his plate into kitchen and puts on work surface above dishwasher. He can put pancakes in microwave for 30 secs which is what he has for breakfast and squirt lemon juice on them. I make him put dirty clothes into laundry bag but he needs prompting to go to look for dirty clothing in his room. He will feed the dogs treats and brush their coats. He pours himself a drink of milk. As he has SN we cannot trust him with kettle or iron yet. He quite enjoys doing his little jobs.

Expat yes I did supervise the bathroom. Him and his older brother made a mess so they were made to clean it up lol. They haven't made a mess since either.

With the pasta or other stuff they boil the kettle the. Either the eldest or myself will fill and drain the pan. The rest is up to them. The first few times I supervised but now they manage no problem at all but if there is a problem in right in the next room if they need me.

blimey, my 9 year old does hardly any of these things, partly because they're not things we're fussed about (like making her bed). But I'm slowly (without making it a 'thing' for her to kick against, IYSWIM) getting her to help out more - taking laundry upstairs and putting hers away, helping unpack the shopping (she's always come to the supermarket and does help with that). I'm going to see about getting her to help make a meal with me.

So many things in our house don't work quite properly so I'm loathe to let her loose, but I should really.

I think it depends on their individual development...I was a sensible child but very clumsy (probably dyspraxia) so it wouldn't have been safe for me to iron or make a cup of tea.

I always put my toys away, made my bed and set the table though. It was my job to help DM with the weekly food shop. When I was a bit older I cleaned the bathroom so I could pretend to be Cinderella.

DD is 9 and can make tea and coffee and bake a cake independently.

She can also make things like a cheese toastie and spaghetti bolognese from scratch.

not so good at the tidying though....

do lots of 9 year olds drink tea and coffee? I'm a bit baffled as to why that would or should be in their repertoire.

Rivertam My friend'a child makes tea for her, but I know what you mean, I guess that's why I haven't thought about it, because she doesn't drink it and I don't very much. Maybe a cup in the morning, but I don't think I'd let her boil the kettle half asleep. That's a recipe for disaster!!

graffitiqueen Wow, making spag bol is very grown up. I don't think I did that until I was an older teen. I would love it if DD could thought, save me a job

isn't it!

neither DH nor DD drink tea, which I actually fine extremely annoying, when we go to a cafe they wolf down a cake in 5 minutes flat and then sit there drumming their fingers.

I think along with getting DD to help around the house more I need to get her into tea, then at least I have one person to properly enjoy Tea And Cake with!