What should a nine year old be doing?

[expatinspain]

DD was nine in October and at the moment she makes her bed, cleans her room (inc dusting etc), washes up her breakfast dishes, gets her breakfast (cereal) and does her own hair.

One of my friends was talking about how their DD makes cups of tea, makes their own dinner sometimes (pasta) and can bake a cake independently. DD made her first sandwich the other day!! Some kids are ironing, but DD has never done this.

What do your nine year olds do? Am I not teaching her what I should for her age?

She would do nothing if she could get away with it. She doesn't have a burning desire for too much independence 😂

Dd1 drinks tea sometimes hence why she can make it. We bought her a tiny kettle so she could do so (and make me one). To be honest now the novelty has worn off its v rarely used.

Re going out, this is interesting and dh and I disagree. Having twins means there are generally two of them together and where we are in fairly safe spaces I actively encourage them to go off as long as they stay together. Think NT properties or in John Lewis where the kids stuff is next to the women's and there are lots of people about. DH prefers not to. They have a friend up the road who I am ok with them going to unsupervised as there is only one very quiet residential road to cross. Again dh less so

They must surely have help with things like making a spag Bol from scratch? Do they know how to turn the hob on? When the mince is cooked through? To open a tin on tomatoes? I could say that DS can cook spag Bol but that’s with me next to him giving him guidance and making sure he doesn’t burn his face off!

Bloody hell I need to step up! DS does hardly any of these things.

His room is a tip and even when asked to tidy it he takes forever and I have to re-do.
He can sort clothes and bring through to washing machine/put away clean stuff
Make bed (when nagged)
Clears the table after a meal (we don't bother setting it)
Make toast, cereal, sandwiches but no real cooking
Takes the recycling outside
Can go to the shop independantly and is confident asking for things/ordering in cafes/handling money

I need to be more strict, I tend to do most of the legwork at home just because I'm more efficient.

The reality is I don’t want my 9 year old ds putting away laundry / washing up etc because he (quite reasonably given his age) won’t do it to my standard.

I don’t want him making me a coffee or doing cooking because whilst he is sensible - they consequences of a spilt boiling kettle or similar is to frightening for me. So will wait until 10 for that.

No I won’t send him down to shop on own as involves a busy road

But I will leave him home alone for 20 mins or so whilst I pop to shop.

I ask him to make his bed in morning and ensure room tidy. And that’s it.

I did bugger all a child. Combination of very house proud mother, like me, who wanted things to her standard, and also fact that I was thoroughly spoilt!
No long term effects! I’m now a very house proud single working parent who keeps a lovely clean home.

Well I have a 4 yo but I can guarantee she wont be ironing at 9 because I don't iron. I cant wait till she makes me a cuppa though.

Every family is different. So long as you are not using DC for child labour but they are doing their bit with the housework then that's fine.

They must surely have help with things like making a spag Bol from scratch? DD has been helping me make spag bol since she was 3 years old. I bought my kids those pampered chef knives and they've been chopping veg since they were wee to varying degrees of success. I'm around in the background, but she really doesn't need much help from me anymore.

Do they know how to turn the hob on? Yes.

When the mince is cooked through? Yes

To open a tin on tomatoes? Yes, we have an electric tin opener.

DS is 9. he can and does (with some arguing!):

make bed
put dirty laundry in laundry bin
change bed (weekly)
cook (with me, once a week. he still needs a lot of guidance. my 7 yo can however cook a selection of things on his own with me just lifting heavy pans for him!)
lay table (on a rota with siblings)
put laundry on (weekly - knows the different settings/powered for different loads)
puts his clean laundry away
tidy his room (as often as it drives me nuts!)
makes own breakfast, can make own sandwich.
Gets own cold drinks.
knows how to make hot drinks but i pour the water.
i am working on folding laundry but as yet he hasnt mastered that skill!
feed and clean out the guinea pigs.

My two 7 year olds do the same things.

the key is accepting it will take longer/need redoing while they learn but that it is worthwhile in the long run taking that time with them and instilling good habits. or they will end up like me who did nothing as a child and didn't understand that there was no house elf when i move out!!

cleffa You don't sound like you need to step up at all! The fact he can go to the shop alone and order things, handle money etc if very mature. DD won't even look in they toy section of a shop while I browse in the section next to it. She's not confident at all about doing that sort of thing. That's why I'm considering trying a very short journey to the sweet shop to build her confidence a bit. Otherwise I'll be walking her to high school 😂.

expat it's one thing I've always encouraged him to do as I was extremely backward in this respect as a youngster.

I started by encouraging pleases and thankyous in shops and cafes and moved from that to ordering and sending him to ask for help finding things with my supervision. He can ask and pay for his own fare on the bus and travel to school too.

I suppose at home he gets an easy ride but yes, in terms or getting around and "outside" independance he is very mature.

I did bugger all a child. Combination of very house proud mother, like me, who wanted things to her standard, and also fact that I was thoroughly spoilt! No long term effects! I’m now a very house proud single working parent who keeps a lovely clean home

Completely agree. I helped lay the table and popped to the shop for my mum when I was in my teens but otherwise didn't do much at home at all. Since I've lived on my own, I've had a lovely house which I clean religiously (and iron!) and able to do all the things an adult should do 😁

I'm happy for my kids to do the TBH.