Second child or not... so confused!

[buggyboo]

3 years ago I gave birth to my amazing little boy. The birth was traumatic, I won’t go into details, but after months of tests post natally I was offered a c-section if I were to have a second child. This didn’t matter as we were set in having one. We were both too scared, we are both only’s and life seems pretty good with just one. Until last week when I had doubts, should we have two, are we depriving him of a sibling. You see last week I was given a date for a an operation, super nervous, and also my son keeps asking for a sibling. Perhaps this two things have made me rethink. I don’t know, I am confused and reaching out for advice. I have no one I can talk too as I’ve told too many people we are stopping at one, feels wrong to to talk about changing my mind. Please any help or advice would be great.

Hi OP.

We can see that you posted in the wrong topic, which is probably why you didn't get a response. We've now shifted the thread over to our Chat topic - hopefully you'll get some useful advice and support here.

Thanks.

Hi buggyboo. Deciding whether or not to have a second child was the hardest decision I've ever had to make - it took me a long time! There are so many pros and cons and it's so personal to your own situation. However I would say it comes down to what feels right. For me, it came down to the fact that, even though I was scared I wouldn't be able to cope with a second, I just knew that if I stuck at one, it would always feel like there was someone missing. (I did have a second and never regretted it.)

If one feels right for you and your partner, then one is right. Don't worry that you'll be depriving your DS of a sibling. I don't think that is a good enough reason on its own to have a second. Yes he's asking for a sibling, but tomorrow he might be asking for a pet robot shark. He'll be fine! But maybe time for you and your partner to think about what you want.

Thank you so much for your response. We have decided to take time to think about what we want. I’m having my operation and once I’m fully functioning we will make a decision based on what we want and not our DS. Like you say kids change their mine and I’m pretty sure if I offered him a baby brother or paw patrol tower he would pick the latter!

We have two, but chose a bigger age gap than our friends. I think we needed 4 years minimum!

I would say think very hard. I had a horrendous first birth and was very reluctant. DS1 and DH kept making puppy eyes at me til I agreed to a second. I insisted on an elective CS so didn't get the trauma but have found it hard going with two. With one you quickly get back to 'you' and going out for a run or to town as the other parent can always pick up. With two I find you go into full on military planning mode and there's very little down time between both kids parties, sports, play dates etc. It doesn't help that we both work ft with zero family to help. It's better now dc2 is about to start school and is potty trained but I haven't really enjoyed the last few years much if I'm honest. Much as I love Dc2 I should have stopped at one. I think in a couple of years I'll probably have a different view and be in a better place though.

In a similar position op, would love another but absolutely terrified! No advice but just to let you know your not alone.

Sometimes it’s comforting to know you are not alone. I hope you find your answer too.

I’m an only child and certainly hope to have more than one, although my friend has a brother and their relationship can be horrendous at times, so I don’t think there is a ‘right’ answer. Not much help but hope you find your ‘right’ soon x