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Original poster

ADHD or Spoilt

40 replies

Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 18:43

I have 3 dc, the eldest 2 have their moments but no real behaviour issues. Not perfect of course no child is but generally well behaved.

DC 3 (6 and a half) is a whole other kettle of fish. He gets really angry, I have not known a child like it, worse if he is frustrated.

He can go into a sulk and refuse to speak for ages even with his teachers in school. He can't be brought out of it until he is ready. This has improved as he has gotten older but it still an issue sometimes.
When he talks to you he has to stroke your arm or hop up and down or twiddle your clothes.
He cries if he is bored, proper upset cries not just whinging.
When he is engrossed in something he is really engrossed but only certain things that take his interest.
He is behind his peers at school (other 2 dc top of the class) but he is summer born.
He is a bad sleeper and struggles to go to sleep.
He says I love you a lot. Like it's a tic or something. He can literally say it every 2 mins at times.
He has issues with clothes, he complains about things touching the back of his legs or his arm creases to the extent he prefers to wear shorts even in winter.
He gets leg pains a lot especially at night.

I am wondering if he has ADHD but people around me say he is spoilt because he is the baby. I admit I have been a bit softer on him that the other two, I breastfed him and coslept with him for ages and he never had the push of a younger sibling to force him to grow up.

Does that sound like ADHD or more like I need to toughen up.

OP posts:
VelcroMummy · 15/01/2019 18:45

The sensory issues could suggest he's on the autistic spectrum. Doesn't sound like adhd to me

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 18:48

I have literally no experience of wither autism or adhd, it was the anger that made me suspect ADHD. It's so sad to see him fly off the handle. I don't know how to help him.

OP posts:
TinTinBanana · 15/01/2019 18:56

Can you speak to school or your gp about your concerns? If the anger is very disruptive and affecting his life in a negative way then you should definitely raise your concerns about ADHD or autism.

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Original poster
Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 18:58

I am thinking of speaking with the GP, I just wasn't sure if I was THAT parent, looking for an excuse for a naughty kid if that makes sense?

I did speak to his teacher last year and she said she thinks he is just immature with being a summer born.

OP posts:
TinTinBanana · 15/01/2019 19:00

I would keep a diary of when he gets angry. What happened before it, after it. Maybe you can figure out why he is being so angry and ways you can prevent it. Took me years to understand what my ds needed. He is a different child now. He has diagnosis of autism

breakthepattern · 15/01/2019 19:01

I've just posted about my own DS and I can see some similarities. The emotional rollercoaster - really angry and really soppy in equal measure sometimes.
I never thought about ASD because he's able to not do it at school.

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 19:04

I am going to look for your post, helps to know others in the same boat.

DS can't help it at school either. He had to be removed from the dinner hall today and put into the library because he was so angry and he ended up being rude to the teacher and dinner lady.

Thats a good idea tin tin. It seems to be when he feels something is unfair or he is not being listened to mostly.

OP posts:
KateGrey · 15/01/2019 19:05

I can see some sensory issues (I have two with asd and adhd). One does fly off the handle due to anxiety and stress. Are you keeping notes on what triggers the bursts of anger?

PickAChew · 15/01/2019 19:07

I'd speak to your gp. He sounds like he has some sensory issues. I agree about keeping a diary of what triggered the outburst, how long it went on for and what, if anything helped him to calm down.

His behaviour isn't exactly typical of kids in reception, so the summer born argument doesn't really wash.

MutantDisco · 15/01/2019 19:07

DS1 is 6 and the same as your son, except that he's somewhat ahead academically (fluent independent reader etc. HATES writing). He's quite neurotypical at home but struggles massively in school with all the sensory stuff/noise.

I don't know whether to get him assessed or not.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/01/2019 19:10

Sounds more like autism, not ADHD. autistic children can easily become angry because they are frustrated or anxious.

My asd dd has similar sensory issues. I can't see the connection with being spoilt or the youngest. My dd is the oldest at 7 but emotionally seems younger than 4yo sister.

PickAChew · 15/01/2019 19:11

never thought about ASD because he's able to not do it at school.

That can be a red herring. Not saying your dc does have asd but a lot of kids mask, in school, holding it all in, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, then let it all out once they feel safe, at home.

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 19:12

He is year 2 now which makes me even more reluctant to believe the summer born comment.

I know you shouldn't compare kids but the other two never had anger like this. Toddler tantrums sure but DS is 6 now.

It seems a trip to the GP is in order. Perhaps ASD is an option, I hadn't even considered it.

OP posts:
Superduper13 · 15/01/2019 19:20

ADHD is a cluster of symptoms which include inattention, distractability, hyperactivity, poor impulse control (shouting out in class, interrupting etc) and from your post, these do not really seem to match your concerns about your son.
I agree with other posters that there are features consistent with the autism spectrum; poor emotional control and not even containing this at school (his reactions sound disproportionate to the situation), sensory issues around clothes and touching, repetitive language (I love you). How does he manage with friendships? You mentioned he only has certain interests- can it be difficult to get him involved with things that aren’t his idea or involved with his interests?
Also it may be that as a younger child, he needed the extra closeness in terms of cosleeping and that you have responded to his needs well in this way. All children are different and have different needs and it doesn’t necessarily indicate he is spoilt .

veryverytiredmummy · 15/01/2019 19:21

The twiddling sounds like flapping which is an ASD thing. The anger can be born of frustration at not being understood or being able to make themselves understood. The clothing thing is also an ASD symptom - it's a sensory thing where things feel a particular way - sometimes they love touching things and with others it's that it feelings horrid to them. the leg pains are again possibly a sensory thing where they feel things more strongly than you would expect. Not sleeping might be the legs or might be that they're struggling to control the thoughts running round in the head.

The sulking bit is fairly classic I'd say - stubborn buggers.

The being behind might be that the thoughts whizzing round distract him from the class and he might be daydreaming in the same state he sulks in.

All in all could be ASD (probably what used to be called Aspergers type).

If he's fairly well behaved save for the tantrums then ADD is also a possibility or co-morbid.

You might want to read up on women with Aspergers and ask yourself a few difficult questions - it tends to get completely missed in girls.

Don't panic! ASD of the type you describe isn't that hard to manage if you've diagnosed it (even if that's just diagnosis by Mum) and you can give him tips to manage it.

And remember without people on the spectrum we would never have got to the moon.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/01/2019 19:22

It is definitely not because he was breastfed and co slept!! That is not the behaviour of a 'spoilt' child, and you cannot 'spoil' a baby.

Canigoonroblox · 15/01/2019 19:26

It sounds like you are picking up on things that you don't feel are quite right. Trust your own instinct and gut - you are his mum and speak to someone if you are concerned. X

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 19:26

I can't thank you all enough for posting, I have been feeling like a rubbish mum who has spoilt my son and like his behaviour is down to something I have done or not done.

He loves superheroes and will watch documentaries for hours about the films and stuff, he knows so much about it but he won't watch any of the films because they are too intense (his words).

I don't even know if I want to get any kind of diagnosis, to have him labelled but I want to be able to help him manage things better and to understand how to help him.

OP posts:
veryverytiredmummy · 15/01/2019 19:43

"He loves superheroes and will watch documentaries for hours about the films and stuff, he knows so much about it but he won't watch any of the films because they are too intense (his words)."

LOL - looking more and more like ASD isn't it?

(The other possibility is that he's gifted - don't let the being behind fool you - boredom or the wrong teaching for him will do that)

Superduper13 · 15/01/2019 19:55

@Dextrodependant
It sounds like you know your son well. It’s difficult when you are the only one in his world that is concerned, with others saying he’s immature or spoilt. But I really think that your gut instinct is right and that your son is experiencing the world in a different way than others and it may be that ASD is a potential way of explaining this. It’s your own decision re: persusing a diagnosis but one benefit is that it can allow for a shared understanding between family members, school about what the nature of the difficulties are.
All the best OP.

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 15/01/2019 19:56

I literally have no experience with ASD, I know people whose children have it or are on the spectrum but I don't know the children.

I think I need to do some reading don't I.

OP posts:
SexNotJenga · 15/01/2019 20:02

It's worth reading up on autism (the National Autistic Society has a decent website) to see if any of it chimes with your experience. There are a few other sets of circumstances and conditions which would explain the things you have described too, so keep an open mind.

I would definitely take him to the GP though and request a referral. It's worth getting checked out - if there is a particular issue, you'll catch it early, if not, no harm done.

hellabellabluebell · 15/01/2019 20:06

You're definitely not a bad parent, evident by the fact that you're concerned. He sounds just like I was as a child. My school suggested ASD but my parents ignored it, I got my diagnosis as an adult but it was a bit late then, my education suffered massively through lack of support. Do some reading, speak to a GP, and interact with your DS more, find out what his superpowers are - being special at something is a perk of ASD! Good luck Smile

Starlight456 · 15/01/2019 20:08

My Ds has Adhd . He has found school harder as he got older. More demands

Sounds more like aad than Adhd

TwinkleToes101 · 15/01/2019 20:11

I recognise about half of these behavioural observations in my 7 yo and never thought it outside normal.

How do you handle his tantrums?
How do you handle the bed time issues?

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