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Original poster

Dd sleeping in with me ...

35 replies

thaegumathteth · 15/01/2019 09:25

Dd is 8 and has been going through a phase of getting worried and upset about anything and everything at bedtime. She’s been doing better recently but last night wasn’t great.

For background in the last 3 years she’s had 2 close family bereavements and in the last 6 months we’ve lost a pet and I’ve been ill and in hospital a couple of times.

Last night she was still awake at 11pm and obviously upset, school in morning etc. I told her to come into my bed where she fell asleep immediately.

Mentioned it to my mum this morning and apparently this is weird and not to be encouraged.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Queenfreak · 15/01/2019 09:28

I think that you have your daughter's wellbeing and mental health in the forefront of your mind, and you should do what works for you both. 8 is very young and when she needs reassurance you should give it. I wouldn't hesitate to do the same

Original poster
thaegumathteth · 15/01/2019 09:52

See I think she’s still young but my mum insists she is ‘far too old’

OP posts:
Eatmycheese · 15/01/2019 10:14

What @Queenfreak wrote.
Your mother's attitude i find far more weird

Hope your daughter is ok

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Original poster
thaegumathteth · 15/01/2019 10:50

Thanks
She’s fine during the day it’s just when it’s bedtime she seems to get stressed

OP posts:
Original poster
thaegumathteth · 15/01/2019 10:51

It’s horrible especially because she’s always been so laid back

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikesflowers · 15/01/2019 10:52

My daughters nearly 13 and still gets into bed with me sometimes if she's feeling stressed or upset.

Ignore your mum and maybe just don't tell her next time.

treaclesoda · 15/01/2019 10:52

My daughter is much older and still likes crawling into bed with me if she is feeling emotional. She's not a cuddler at all, she doesn't want physical contact, she just wants to feel safe.

I think it's a shame that people see that as strange.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 15/01/2019 10:53

Your mum is mad. Your child should know that at any age, she can sleep in with you if she is poorly or upset/worried.

Yabbers · 15/01/2019 10:54

Not weird. DD9 does this from time to time. That way we both get some sleep. Lovely for them to know you are there if they need you. She'll stop when she is ready not when "society"
decides she is too old.

Batteriesallgone · 15/01/2019 10:56

Just don’t tell your mum

Not worth it

OrchidInTheSun · 15/01/2019 11:01

Isn't it weird that we think it's perfectly normal for adults to share a bed but not for children to want comfort?

Ignore your mum.

Celebelly · 15/01/2019 11:02

I went through a phase of this at the same age. From what I can remember, I was really worried that my mum would die. I grew out of it again but for a few weeks I just slept in the same bed as her.

I'm now a (reasonably) normal adult!

Apileofballyhoo · 15/01/2019 11:03

When I was that age one of my grandparents died, and I started waking up every single night in the middle of the night petrified. My DF said I was too old to wake my parents or get into bed with them. So I woke up petrified in the middle of the night for 2 or 3 years, turned on the light and just waited till it got bright before going back to sleep. I dreaded going to bed because I was afraid of the fear. So I started leaving the light on so I wouldn't be afraid when I woke up. Once I put a system in place I wasn't as afraid, but I did worry that I wasn't getting enough sleep to grow.

Eventually I asked the dead grandparent to help me and I started sleeping through. Slept with the light on till I was 13.

Your DM doesn't have a clue.

EmMcK · 15/01/2019 11:06

I still remember how safe I felt in my parent's bed when I was worried about things as a child. Your daughter is still so young, let her rest well with you.

edwinbear · 15/01/2019 11:08

DS(9) loves sleeping in my bed, I often find him curled up in there when I go to bed, having snuck in after I've put him to bed in his own bed. I love it when I find him there.

flissfloss65 · 15/01/2019 11:08

My ds often came in my bed until he started secondary school. He just gradually stopped doing it. He is now 18 and very independent.

CarolDanvers · 15/01/2019 11:10

Tell your mum to butt out. My dd is 12 and regularly bunks in with me. We both like it and I am sure she will be off to her own bed never to return in a year or two. It's fine.

OnwardsAndUpwards10 · 15/01/2019 11:11

What is weird about comforting your DD? It makes her feel safe, she gets her sleep. Win:Win. We are in the same situation with our DD, we make no issue of it. She'll eventually move out. At least she feels relaxed, safe and sleeps. We too had 2 bereavements the last couple of years and this kind of stuff does play on her mind.

ShowOfHands · 15/01/2019 11:13

Your dd just needs comfort and closeness right now. There are hundreds of threads with adult women hating sleeping alone. Why do we expect children not to have similar wobbles?

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 15/01/2019 11:16

Totally normal, we do it occasionally when DCs are upset/struggling to sleep/poorly.

I don't get much sleep now they're bigger, but hey, it helps them!

Daisywho · 15/01/2019 11:36

Well I’m nearly 35 and night time is when all MY worries and anxieties start to surface so I can’t see why it should be any different for little people! I feel better when my DH is there than when sleeping alone so I can totally see why children want to come in with their mums (and/or dads) - it makes total sense to me!

You sound lovely, OP, I hope my little DD feels the same comfort and safety from me when she is that age.

Ncforthisthing · 15/01/2019 11:39

My 10 year old DD sleeps in my bed most nights.

Gymntonic · 15/01/2019 11:43

Your dd is anxious and is reassured by being physically close to you in order to sleep. Give her what she needs right now or that anxiety won't go away - it'll just find another way to show itself

SoxonFeet · 15/01/2019 11:47

My DD is struggling emotionally for similar reasons to your DD, she is also a similar age. She absolutely sleeps in my bed as it’s soothing and same if she wakes in the night.

I figure it is temporary until she feels secure enough to go back to normal. And it’s probably the quickest way to ease her worries meaning she will return to her usual self much sooner than leaving her.

CandleConcerto · 15/01/2019 11:49

I always used to worry that I was building a rod for my own back when I let DD fall asleep with me (she’s 6). Last week she told me that our chats at bedtime are the favourite part of her day. It’s the best thing we do.