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Original poster

Please can you unscramble what my boss said to me?

48 replies

Jennellofire · 14/01/2019 22:18

I am on an extended probation at work due to not yet having all the skills for the job, but rather learning them “on the job.” Getting paid well, enjoying it, got my own office, and no complaints, but the feeling of not being completely integrated/belonging yet is taking its toll.

I had a review with my boss today who told me the following, word for word, in this order:

He took a risk hiring me because he saw potential but there is always a chance that other people won’t see it so I need to meet more people at the company to see if they see the potential he sees before I get a contract.

So far everyone at the company I have met thinks I am great, and all feedback has been 100% positive. All the work I have done has been great.

He worries I am not strategic enough but he also thinks it’s something you can learn and he can teach me. He feels that others may think it is not something that is possible to learn and it is just innate and you either have it or you don’t.

He wants me to believe in myself more. He thinks I have presence when I walk in a room but he needs me to have more self belief and not be “vulnerable.” He said stop being scared of fucking up. Then he told a story about a woman who was silent in a meeting while men talked, then at the end she was asked her opinion and she blew everyone away. Then he said there is a middle ground between hiding your light under a bushel and being in everyone’s face.

Years ago I would have thought I was just dumb and that I didn’t understand what he meant, but I feel here like he is telling me to do conflicting things which is maybe why I feel confused.

I have been working 60 hour weeks for 6 months to prove myself. They want me to relax and be a “presence” at work and act like I own the place, but no-one has even given me a contract yet. I don’t know anyone who would make themselves at home and put their feet up around the fire in a situation like the one I am in.

OP posts:
thewinkingprawn · 14/01/2019 22:30

All of that sounds like vague waffle to me. I’d ask him for more concrete examples of what you need to do to pass this probation. People saying be more strategic is a bug bear of mine - they often have no idea what it really means. Ask him what it means in the context of your business and what he means by you need to be more strategic. Get examples from him.

TwitterLovesMAPs · 14/01/2019 22:33

That’s all staff.

He needs to give you concrete examples and clear objectives that you can be measured on in order to pass your probation.

Ask him to work with you to set them.

TwitterLovesMAPs · 14/01/2019 22:33

Not staff, spaff. Management spaff.

SouthWestmom · 14/01/2019 22:34

What's your actual job? No point being strategic if you're actually low level operational with no power

fiorentina · 14/01/2019 22:35

I’d ask for some specific SMART objectives.

He’s could be implying that someone has expressed doubts but that he believes in you, and he wants you to show your worth.

Don’t be shy to ask him for specifics and also show your value. As the PP said, what strategic direction is he hoping you will give?

Shadow1986 · 14/01/2019 22:36

Sounds like he wants to give you the role but others have obviously expressed to him that youre not up to it. So he’s basically telling you, you need to speak up a bit more and prove them all wrong. I think?

thewinkingprawn · 14/01/2019 22:36

Another thing - I manage big teams at a fairly senior level and I would never tell someone I took a risk hiring them btw even if I had. I think it’s designed to make you grateful to him and make him the big I am.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 14/01/2019 22:41

I agree with Shadow

Cauliflowersqueeze · 14/01/2019 22:42

Also agree with thewinking

jessstan2 · 14/01/2019 22:43

Sounds to me like you are doing quite well, encouraging comments.

ElvisParsley · 14/01/2019 22:45

I'm reading it as you need to network more at work, get to know a wider group of colleagues, this would a strategic move. At the moment, you are keeping to yourself, not speaking up, so it is hard for others to see your capabilities. Same thing is happening in meetings, you aren't offering an opinion. He believes that you have a lot to offer and know as much as anyone else in the room, but you aren't demonstrating it. You need to show this to others, not just him. You need to be more confident and outgoing, without being obnoxious and arrogant.

PicassoWouldBeProud · 14/01/2019 22:49

Yes vague waffle. I think what I would take from that is that he wants to hire you but he doesn't want to take responsibility for the decision, so he is looking for others at his level to agree.

Considering you've been working so hard and have had 100% positive feedback I don't see what else you can do. I certainly wouldn't start trying to behave a certain way, that's just going to make you self conscious. Sometimes I think bosses and companies are ridiculous with their expectations to be honest and he sounds a bit irritating.

Carry on doing what you're doing and see what happens but as long as you're trying your best what else can you do?

Zebrasinpyjamas · 14/01/2019 22:50

I think that is broadly positive but you need to strengthen telationships with other senior people in the company and build your profile. He wants to have an opinion and speak up in group situations and meetings which will help with this.
Having your own office will make most of this much harder. I'd consider if rotating where you sit (even temporarily) will make a difference. You might feel more secure too if you are closer to your colleagues.

Shadow1986 · 14/01/2019 22:53

Do you think you could figure out who has reservations about you? Could it be directors in the company, or would you be managing people? Maybe the reservations are coming from those you’d be managing. I know when I was applying for a higher role, I heard people, particularly those I’d be managing, had reservations as I was quite young at the time.
Who else would be making the decision on the role, sounds like they need to get to know you better.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/01/2019 22:58

Helps if you know what the reservations might be. I know if I get given that statement it's because I'm a bit gobby and rubbish at sucking up to anyone.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 14/01/2019 22:58

It’s really clear. You are doing the classic female thing of being a decent, careful human being, rather than coming across as confident, impressive and forceful. He thinks you have the talent, now you got to fake it till you make it. It’s classic feedback to a woman - basically show more of what might be seen as masculine behaviours.

WH1SPERS · 14/01/2019 23:00

Yes I thought that too. He wants you to be more like a man.

Sigh .

Grannyannex · 14/01/2019 23:04

Confident in your abilities. Drop any nerves and put across ideas

Yabbers · 14/01/2019 23:05

I agree with @ElvisParsley. Do you come out of your office much? It’s hard to network with colleagues if you are shut away on your own.

SophiaLovesSummer · 14/01/2019 23:07

That's an utter pile of waffle with zero actual key points. I'd e-mail him saying you're obviously keen to take his notes but could he please clarify - with clear specific examples - precisely WHAT it is he is saying?

And 6 months is a huge probation period already - how long is he intending? I think you have a right to know when you can expect terra ferma under your feet.

blueshoes · 14/01/2019 23:07

This is such w_nk. It is a male dominated company at senior levels with a patriarchal structure?

Anyway, deep breaths ...

I think it is what Elvis said. I also agree with Picasso that he does not want sole responsibility for making you permanent and wants you to sell yourself to other decision-makers so that his job chickenshit is easier.

You said right from the start that you have a "the feeling of not being completely integrated/belonging yet is taking its toll". Why is this? That others keep to themselves or do you keep your head down, no doubt to do the job. Do you speak up at meetings? Do you go for after hours events?

DishingOutDone · 14/01/2019 23:08

Is his name David Brent?

TatianaLarina · 14/01/2019 23:12

Get out and network more within the company. Have more self confidence be more self assertive. Don’t show your anxieties and vulnerabilities.

And yes he is David Brent.

strawberryredhead · 14/01/2019 23:14

It sounds so vague and unhelpful. Either you’re not doing a good job or you’re not. I don’t like the sound of it at all. You’re working hard and everyone thinks you’re great so what’s the problem? Is there a reason they’d keep you hanging, that serves them? I know people who’ve worked in jobs like this, the elusive promotion always dangling in front of them but never materialising. Not because they weren’t good but because that’s how the company treated people. But hopefully that’s not the case in your case.
Do you work in PR by any chance?

cdtaylornats · 14/01/2019 23:19

He's telling you to network more.

What may have happened is someone senior has complimented him on some piece of work and he has said "Jellonofire did that" and has received back a comment like "who is that" or "is that the quiet one who never speaks at meetings"