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Work situation with two colleagues. Advice, or thoughts appreciated.

56 replies

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 15:14

I’m going through a situation at work with two colleagues, A and B. If I describe the situation to you, please will you be honest and say what you think is going on? any advice appreciated.

So as not to dripfeed, I work in a busy outpatient dept as a receptionist. I’ve done it a while now, so I have developed a routine where at the end of the day, the staff have what they need, and my work is complete.

Colleague A is a favourite in the dept, very loud and opinionated. She works mostly in the same department/room as me, but doesn’t do the same job. This doesnt stop her from interfering in mine. I don’t work there every day (thankfully) so the dept is covered by other people on my time off.

When I return from my time off, Colleague A always has to remark that things are done differently by the other colleagues who cover my day off “Gail does it this way/ that way etc, just thought I’d mention it”. With a smirk on her face. I reply with “well, until somebody tells me I’m doing it wrong, then I’ll worry”, which sounds brave, but I’m dying inside.

She always has to comment on my weight, or appearance.
Talks over me, and interupts conversations between me and other colleagues. If we end up in the same room alone, she goes silent, then an atmosphere develops. I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my head. It’s awful.

Colleague B. Another favourite. Works in an office in the same dept, different job than me, higher wage band. Always has a family emergency so rushes off at a moments notice, mobile phone attached to her ear constantly, and always shouting/hot tempered.

If I’m having a conversation with someone, she has to join in. She then pushes me out of that particular conversation, and carries it on with the other person, as if I wasn’t there.

Also, If I had to choose between two things, she always ALWAYS takes great pains to dislike what I’ve chosen, preferring the opposite. Fine, I get everybody has differing opinions, but it’s every single time, and always in a loud voice so everyone can hear. Plus, well, anything I do, really. “Oh, I’d have done this, I’d have done that”.
She has never really liked me from the beginning and always tried to undermine my work. When I was training other colleagues to provide cover for the dept, she told them I was doing it wrong.

Most of the time I roll my eyes at her, but lately, she is ramping up trouble. She has started asking me to help her do her job. I decline (very nicely) every time, due to the reasons mentioned above, and her being on a higher pay band and a different job, makes it a bit difficult.

When I decline, she then gets other staff involved, asking them to ask me to help her. Then it’s them against me, saying I’m not being helpful ☹️.

Again, it’s awful. I get my work done, I make sure everything is where it should be so they don’t have to ask for anything. That’s as helpful as I can be, plus any ideas that I’ve put across to help the dept in meetings, well, its just crap that I’m seen as being unhelpful.

Another thing: colleague A and B are friends, so I think they’re both in this together.

I’m sorry for the long post. Any advice, and opinions on what you think is going on would be very appreciated. I have two years left before I can hand my notice in due to pension reasons, but Im not sure if I can stand it any longer xxxx

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 13/01/2019 21:42

Over the hips thing just say I know, my husband adores my bum too...
He says it drives him wild....

Wordthe · 13/01/2019 21:45

Putting her hands on your hips I agree it is weird and sinister😶
I would make out you thought she was flirting with you
hopefully that will weird her right out and she will go away😂

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 21:51

@Scousequeen, I’ll check the Joe Lycett routine out, thanks.....and I like the idea of the squeal.

@mummy2017 😂 that’ll grind her gears!

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lljkk · 13/01/2019 22:34

Don't they have jobs to do? Why do they spend time noticing your body & such so much. Sheesh.

"I had a load of head lice cut out the other day. Not sure if they're all gone yet, though..."

"My husband is getting into VERY into fat girl porn and I just want to please him because then he'll try hard to please me. I'm sure YOU understand, don't you? Wink Wink." Say it super loudly in front of patients nicer colleagues.

hanbanbea · 14/01/2019 00:03

Hi, sounds like this situation is taking it's toll on you - there is nothing like an awkward atmosphere to chip away at you. Despite that, It is amazing that you are focussing on doing your job well and getting things done that you know will be helpful - This is so important as you have to keep your values when going through this.

Two things jumped out at me when I read your comment. The first is, don't assume the folk who are 'loud and opinionated' are favourites. People might be 'awkward laughing' or just going along not to make a fuss but it doesn't mean they agree. The second is that you can't worry about whether they are 'in it together'. People often create cliques and having a common topic helps. It doesn't mean you should worry about it - particularly when it happens at work.

I've been in a similar situation and found one thing invaluable. Find someone to speak with who is honest and fair and who you can sense-check with. Sometimes you can find this at work but often you can't. There are loads of free professional peer-mentor networks who could match you with someone to discuss this with. It sounds like you have a lot of experience and professionalism in your role which means you have a lot to offer. The peer-relationships could allow you to coach someone in their development whilst giving you someone to talk to about your challenges.

You have a lot to offer. Your job is obviously important to you and this says a lot about your commitment to your work. Don't let this go on too long as it might grind you down. The advice about speaking to HR is sound. Also get some support, through work or through a peer network (look online!) and keep doing what you are doing. It is amazing to think of someone like you in outpatient depts. It gives me comfort.

BreadstickswithHummus · 15/01/2019 19:32

Hi all, just catching up, as Monday and today have been extremely busy and everyone has kept their heads down.

@lljkk 😂 I love both of those. Yes, it’s like they have nothing better to do, is there?

My hair got mentioned by another colleague on Monday, and Colleague A jumped in saying how much she likes it, so I replied “so do I, she (my stylist) always does a good job” 😁 she didn’t say much after that, maybe it stumped her a bit.

I’ve kept out of their way the last couple of days, making sure I’m not in the same room as them for longer than I can be. Also, my other colleagues have been ok, I think now maybe they were just going along with colleague B just to humour her.

And the best news? They are both off tomorrow, yay !

@hanhanbea, getting on with my job is what keeps me going. It makes the days and hours go fast. Plus I like the job. And the rest of my colleagues.

I don’t think I’ll find anybody there that I could sense check with. The (very thin) walls have ears, so the best thing is your suggestion of peer mentor networks. I will contact HR for advice tomorrow.
The last paragraph you typed means a lot, it brough a lump to my throat, thank you 💐

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