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Work situation with two colleagues. Advice, or thoughts appreciated.

56 replies

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 15:14

I’m going through a situation at work with two colleagues, A and B. If I describe the situation to you, please will you be honest and say what you think is going on? any advice appreciated.

So as not to dripfeed, I work in a busy outpatient dept as a receptionist. I’ve done it a while now, so I have developed a routine where at the end of the day, the staff have what they need, and my work is complete.

Colleague A is a favourite in the dept, very loud and opinionated. She works mostly in the same department/room as me, but doesn’t do the same job. This doesnt stop her from interfering in mine. I don’t work there every day (thankfully) so the dept is covered by other people on my time off.

When I return from my time off, Colleague A always has to remark that things are done differently by the other colleagues who cover my day off “Gail does it this way/ that way etc, just thought I’d mention it”. With a smirk on her face. I reply with “well, until somebody tells me I’m doing it wrong, then I’ll worry”, which sounds brave, but I’m dying inside.

She always has to comment on my weight, or appearance.
Talks over me, and interupts conversations between me and other colleagues. If we end up in the same room alone, she goes silent, then an atmosphere develops. I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my head. It’s awful.

Colleague B. Another favourite. Works in an office in the same dept, different job than me, higher wage band. Always has a family emergency so rushes off at a moments notice, mobile phone attached to her ear constantly, and always shouting/hot tempered.

If I’m having a conversation with someone, she has to join in. She then pushes me out of that particular conversation, and carries it on with the other person, as if I wasn’t there.

Also, If I had to choose between two things, she always ALWAYS takes great pains to dislike what I’ve chosen, preferring the opposite. Fine, I get everybody has differing opinions, but it’s every single time, and always in a loud voice so everyone can hear. Plus, well, anything I do, really. “Oh, I’d have done this, I’d have done that”.
She has never really liked me from the beginning and always tried to undermine my work. When I was training other colleagues to provide cover for the dept, she told them I was doing it wrong.

Most of the time I roll my eyes at her, but lately, she is ramping up trouble. She has started asking me to help her do her job. I decline (very nicely) every time, due to the reasons mentioned above, and her being on a higher pay band and a different job, makes it a bit difficult.

When I decline, she then gets other staff involved, asking them to ask me to help her. Then it’s them against me, saying I’m not being helpful ☹️.

Again, it’s awful. I get my work done, I make sure everything is where it should be so they don’t have to ask for anything. That’s as helpful as I can be, plus any ideas that I’ve put across to help the dept in meetings, well, its just crap that I’m seen as being unhelpful.

Another thing: colleague A and B are friends, so I think they’re both in this together.

I’m sorry for the long post. Any advice, and opinions on what you think is going on would be very appreciated. I have two years left before I can hand my notice in due to pension reasons, but Im not sure if I can stand it any longer xxxx

OP posts:
mytieisascarf · 13/01/2019 18:35

Every time they ask if you hair is different feign complete ignorance "No!" Then just get on. Every day come in with different hair...and just keep saying "No!" Culminating on Friday with a giant ginger afro...and still "Is your hair different..." "No!" 🤣🤣🤣

Kernowgal · 13/01/2019 18:46

Haha definitely do what mytie suggests!

No advice really, but I have a colleague like this, an arch manipulator (or so she thinks). The reality is that everyone knows what she’s like, and so her schtick only works on new people.

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 18:51

@KnittingSister @mytieisascarf 😂 at the hair suggestions.

Yes, I think Im going to have to look at finding a job in the nhs somewhere else, for the last two years.

It’s a shame because apart from toot and ploot, it would have been ideal to stay where I am.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

ForalltheSaints · 13/01/2019 18:53

Commenting on your weight more than once is not on.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 13/01/2019 19:05

I may be wrong here, but if your mother had narcissistic tendencies then you're likely to give off signals to other narcissists that you've been trained to accept their nonsense. As well as the advice up thread about informing HR and your line manager, and trying to ignore them outside of anything necessary to your job, I wonder if revisiting some of the advice about healing from a narcissistic childhood may help too. You've possibly been trained to ignore your gut feeling, to question yourself and to try to please whoever is treating you badly. It sounds like you've recognised this stuff already, but I wonder if there's still a bit more recovery that may help. I'm sure you're aware of great books and websites on being raised by narcissists. Maybe just having another read of one may help.

IfNotNowBernard · 13/01/2019 19:07

Write down EVERYTHING. Tell your line manager about the situation, plus someone from HR, when you have enough written down.
Note every single comment and undermining tactic.

Then go for the jugular: proper complaint, proper investigation. You do have a case.
I think big orgs like the NHS just attract these people because it's so damn hard to get rid of them once they are entrenched.
RE the hair-when you get the "..oh" you say " I know, I look totally hot, right!?"and sashay off. Just exude fuck you confidence. They hate that.
You're going to need some ovaries of steel to pull this off, but PLEASE take these people down. They always seem to get away with it, because people like you are too reasonable and nice, but that needs to stop.

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 19:14

@Forallthesaints, the weight issue lies with her (colleague A) She is on an endless diet.

I get “ooh, don’t you keep yourself slim” in a low tone that has a snarl to it. But jolly in front of anybody else.

Sometimes, as she’s passing me from behind, she puts her hands directly on my hips for a few seconds longer than a brush past (not sure if it’s to see how slim (she thinks)I am.
I wouldn’t mind, but at 5ft 3” and 10 and a half stone, Im not exactly sylph like, am I ??

OP posts:
BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 19:19

@SeaGreenSeaGlass yes, I need to dig out my Toxic Parents book, and maybe more. Thanks for bringing that up.
Things are going to have to change.

OP posts:
BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 19:21

@IfNotNowBernard, I agree.
That’s why I want to get out of the NHS in a couple of years time.
It’s rife with them.

OP posts:
BartonHollow · 13/01/2019 19:26

I got the opposite Breadsticks

I get Hungry Again?

In an OTT dramatic way, that has a silent, 'you fat cunt' on the end of it but not when anyone else can hear and how do you complain about that?

Silkie2 · 13/01/2019 19:37

I agree with the post above that others probably dislike them too - I would think most adults can see through false friendliness - but I think that the fact your DM was a narc means you react differently to the other workers which these evil eagles are homing in on.
Maybe some counselling? or at least read up on how to deal with it and practice the suggestions above.
It's such a load of bollocks, the things they are doing and saying, could you learn to laugh at it?. I mean who gives a fart what these evil harridans think or say about anything, there's a big sad hole in their egos due to something missing from their life up till now, which they need to fill by bullying. Should be pitied.

Onecutefox · 13/01/2019 19:39

Regarding your weight. I would scare them by "announcing" you are going on a diet and your goal is X stones. The number should be smaller than your colleagues' or about the same. It would wind them up and they would measure you every day Grin
Also if you have a haircut and A or B says something about your hair just answer, "Oh, Thank you. It looks so lovely." "Do you want my hairdresser's contact details? Oh, she so good. So may people love her, blah-blah-blah."
Do keep a detailed diary. Complain at some point.

Onecutefox · 13/01/2019 19:41

When it comes to doing a task for them then you need to find out if you ought to be doing it or not. Find out from you line manager asap.

Wordthe · 13/01/2019 19:44

weight and hair, it's always weight and hair they go for isnt it
mine also comments on my weight

mummmy2017 · 13/01/2019 19:55

I love the mumsnet comment...
.... Have you put on weight?
What an rude comment, did you mean to be rude?

Have you changed your hair?
Why do you keep asking that?

DareDevil223 · 13/01/2019 20:07

Why do people have to be like this? It's so unnecessary, toxic bastards.

Some great advice here especially keeping a record of things and maybe trying to move on if you can.

I will just say that you seem like a lovely person OP that any normal person would be delighted to have as a colleague Flowers

Wordthe · 13/01/2019 20:15

Have you changed your hair? Why do you keep asking that?

that would be a good one, but oh it would be such fun to show up with a Ronald McDoland wig :o

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 20:29

@BartonHollow and @Wordthe. I’m sorry that you are getting hassle about your weight too 💐. Weight is a sensitive subject isn’t it, for anybody whatever their size.

@Silkie2 I agree, it’s such a load of bollocks, and I do laugh about it sometimes. I’m not always cowering under her constant stare. Sometimes I stare right back. Probably makes things worse.

@Onecutefox I love your weight suggestion 😄. Maybe I should tell her I enjoyed a massive portion of pudding chips and gravy/ large portion of curry with a giant garlic naan bread for my tea on Friday (even though I hadnt sadly), but I could wind her up with that, I think, while I’m on a diet 😆. She’ll be wondering where the weight was going 😂.

OP posts:
hippoherostandinghere · 13/01/2019 20:41

Op I really sympathise. Although, sadly I can't say I'm surprised at this happening. I can just picture the scene well. I also work in the NHS and it's just full of these types of characters. Their managers are afraid of them because they are mouthy and dangerous and everyone else puts up with their crap because they don't want to be on the receiving end of it.

I was in a similar position recently when I did some bank shifts in outpatients. A couple of the staff took an instant dislike to me, almost assuming I didn't know what I was doing as they worked there permanently (I worked in another ward with a bit of banking of the side). It's not in my nature to stand up for myself as I believe I'm quite quietly spoken but after relentless jabs from one woman I just had to bite back. She's was complaining about having so much to do and I offered to help her out, she looked at me with total disdain and said what help would you be to me sure you can't do bloods. I said well actually I can but I'm not going to bother now you've been so rude and turned on my heels and walked off. I took great pleasure in telling them all I had got a band 4 post and wouldn't be back there again.

I also honestly believe that it can be a jealousy things as well, nothing better than the school playground. They're trying to run you down to make themselves feel better. Hold your head high, and always remember it's them, not you.

MulticolourMophead · 13/01/2019 20:45

Maybe I should tell her I enjoyed a massive portion of pudding chips and gravy/ large portion of curry with a giant garlic naan bread for my tea on Friday (even though I hadnt sadly), but I could wind her up with that, I think, while I’m on a diet 😆. She’ll be wondering where the weight was going

Sounds good to me Grin

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 20:50

On a serious note, I am taking note of what has been advised on the thread. You have all given me fantastic advice, though I suspect the road will be a bumpy one.

@DareDevil223., that’s a lovely thing to say, thank you 💐.

Anybody have a Ronald McDonald wig, by any chance?

OP posts:
Wordthe · 13/01/2019 20:52

She’ll be wondering where the weight was going

do it
tell he you just have a naturally fast metabolism
feathers will be spat:o

BartonHollow · 13/01/2019 20:56

I too work in a healthcare setting and have worked in NHS it's true that catty bitching and backstabbing seems rife in this sector and it's not wholly exclusive to women either

BreadstickswithHummus · 13/01/2019 21:13

@Wordthe, that’s it, I’m doing it. When I’ve got the hair business out of the way first 😄.

I think I’ve cheered myself up 🙂.

@BartonHollow, I’ve only ever worked with women in the NHS, though I shouldn’t be surprised really that men are the same.

@hippoherostandinghere, sorry you went through that also. Good for you for turning on your heel and walking off on them, and its fantastic that you got the band 4 job 💐.

OP posts:
ScouseQueen · 13/01/2019 21:27

When she puts her hands on your hips next time, squeal as if she's really shocked you and go 'Oh, you surprised me!' That might well stop her but if she carries on, do it again and say 'you must have really taken a liking to me to keep cuddling me like this!' Bet she stops then.

I would also give totally outrageous answers to weight questions, like saying you've put on two stone in the last week. Next time she asks say you're thrilled because you've now lost the two stone you put on the week before. Joe Lycett did a routine on tv last night about wrong footing people out to take advantage of you by 'being weird at them' - channel that!

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