1st child challenging so not having any more?

[DuffBeer]

I have one child. Almost 4 years old.

The whole thing so far has been bloody hard work. High needs baby, very challenging toddler and now going through an awfully cheeky/rude phase which is causing us great stress. Although we are desperately trying to ride it out.

People tell me it's because he's clever. He is a bright kid, there's no doubt, but the journey so far has been so hard.

Im now at the stage where my hormones are screaming to have another baby.

Part of me thinks it would be good for my son not to be the focal point of our universe and that it would be good for both us and him because it all feels so intense right now. The other part of me is terrified that I will end up with another live wire and it'll tip me over the edge.

Has anybody stopped at one child because their first was challenging and exhausting?

inforthelonghaul this is how i feel

Just have one, it's great.

I see so many parents struggling and stressed with two, I don't understand why they put themselves through it? To give them a sibling they may or may not like? You may have another and they might be the same or harder, this can put strain on your marriage etc.

I see couples struggling with one baby and then they are pregnant with their second, it has ended with divorce and very unhappy marriages.

Having one is such a great balance, more money, more time, 2 adults to one child etc. Also they do chill out as they get older so you then get to relax, if the first 4 years have been tough.

It's very comforting to hear of other people's experiences. Thank you for sharing.

I guess part of me would like another child in the hope that I might get lucky and have one with a similar character to me.
The more logical part of my brain tells me not to risk it.
Part of me thinks that another child would be good for the family dynamic. The other part tells me that it could ruin us.

This is so hard and is consuming my thoughts. I'm also annoyed because I was SO sure that I only wanted one.

I'm late 30's so I do have time, a larger age gap wouldn't bother me.

My ds who is now 8 was exactly like this a whirlwind throughout the day constantly talking, fidgeting and wanting attention (I don’t think me and dh have managed to have a conversation without him butting in since he was 18 mnts) but an amazing sleeper. We put off having another for the reasons you have mentioned, then when he was 5 decided to have another before the age gap got too great. Ds2 is just 18 mnts totally different but just as difficult as ds1 was but the difference is I know how to manage it better even though it won’t feel like it you will be learning how to manage ds1 daily which will make a 2nd easier. The interesting thing is DS1 has calmed down a lot and takes his big brother responsibilities seriously he can still be a nightmare but it’s brough the best out in him and it helps you to see through the other stuff and makes the challenges easier. That been said it’s hard work and I would not have been able to do it if they had both been at home all the time you have to do what feels right for you cos it’s bloody hard work sometimes but worth it x x

DS1 was and actually still is, extremely high needs and difficult. We had DS2 when the first was 2.7.

Amazingly DS2 had a very positive effect on DS1. Sort of diluted him. DS2 is an easier child but not easy.

We could no longer make DS1 the center of everything and that helped him and us. Also made me realize I'm not a complete failure as a mum.

Have you tried reading the Explosive Child? I found it very useful

DS1: challenging. He's 6 now and lovely. He's also a brilliant big brother to DS2 (2.5) who is a laid back little person!

DS2 reminds me at every stage that DS1 was hard work. I suspect DS1 has ASD although no diagnosis. But they genuinely are best pals.

When i look back i think it would have benefitted DS1 to go to boarding school. He thinks so too, he's always bored and as soon as one activity finishes he wants the next. He's never satiated and always looking for a bigger thrill. He also can't be alone ever and seeks 24/7 companionship. I hope he finds a really, really clingy wife!

Yeah give another couple of years and see if your DS is a bit more chilled out then and see how you feel about the dynamics.

There is an One child family topic on here, come over and read some of the stories they will probably make you feel good about sticking with one if that's what you are considering.