What's the most ridiculous insult you've ever received?

[fatoneatthegym]

When I was much younger, I split up with a boyfriend and he sent me a message saying I had really bad cellulite. Well oh noooooo, I'm so upset

When much younger, a (pompous) manager described me as articulate and truculent.

I told a colleague, later that day she gave me a Yorkie bar.

A friend said I had “an over inflated sense of my own originality”. It was designed to hurt and man did it! It was very cutting and at the time I was devastated. These days I’m not so arsed about being original 😆🤷🏻‍♀️

I was told, at school, that I was as attractive as an open can of dog food.

After finding out I had several dc, a man suggested to my dh I had a 'fanny like a welly top.'
Dh informed - actually quite the contrary - bless him!!

An ex of mine once said during an argument that I was 'an attention seeker'. Anyone who truly knows me would say that that is about as far removed from the truth as you can get. I am the complete opposite,much preferring to merge into the background. The thought of being the centre of attention is abhorrent to me.

I got called a naan bread maytr once. Because I sometimes make naan bread. I don't even moan about it, it's way easier than going to the shop to buy some.

My ex whilst going through child custody at court called me a "power hungry smock"

I still laugh 😂

Aprilshower. What an awful thing to say.

My DP's 10yr old cousin said to me he'd rather deep fat fry his face than play with me

He also suggested I was a fat minger.
I saw him in the local pub and introduced myself as dh's fat minger dw. . *size 8 back then.
He was laughed at!!

“Everything about you screams middle class”

My ex used to call me the " wrong side of 50" in arguments when I was in my late 30s . He's such an idiot!

Senior arsey colleague when I was very junior in my career told me after a call with the opposing side (in a legal negotiation) that I "lacked gravitas". It still hurts!! But I have since learned that there are plenty of different ways to successfully negotiate. My way is to make an emotional connection with the other side and negotiate in a friendly cooperative way

Not me, but DH; he was called a neo-liberal cock-jockey by a key board warrior . We were quite touched that so much thought and originality had been put into it and laughed about it for ages.
DH also was sent a whole letter condemning him and wishing “the boils of Egypt” upon him for rejecting an essay for a journal he was editing at the time. Comedy gold.

A girl who worked with DP, when we first started seeing each other, told him I was clingy, and that he would "Dodge a bullet if you'd prefer her". She happened to be the sister of a friend of a friend, and had met me in passing twice. Think she fancied him and was trying to get me out of the picture-didnt work, clearly!

A friend and I were once being 'propositioned' by some boy racers in the car next to us at traffic lights, and when I rolled my eyes the driver yelled 'fook off you fookin flat chested broad!!' 🤣🤣

Titless wonder

From a guy who was trying to chat me up!

Might be physically accurate (I won't be modelling any bikinis) but a bit rude I thought.

I was 18yo and at a bridesmaid dress fitting. Was very relieved to see the dress in question was actually quite nice and felt pretty good in it, when a relative (not the bride), suddenly decided to pass criticism on my weight......."You'd look better if you went on a diet."

I was 7stone3.

Also, during a childhood argument.....

"Yeah well, at least I don't look like ice cream!"

Tbf, I am very pale. Still makes me chuckle.

I'm a teacher.. I've been called allsorts. Dog and stinking fuckin bitch spring to mind.

"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE BLACK HAIR"

it's dark brown anyway

Once got called a ‘meff’ on an online forum, a bit bemused as I was actually drinking a quality red wine at the time.

I was being chatted up by a dishy Kiwi guy in a club and his short, ugly, drunk friend leaned over and hissed at me: "I've fucked much better looking girls than you!".

When I worked in a prison, one the nastiest men in there, a really horrible high profile piece of work called me 'a witch on a broom' which even I was thinking, c'mon son can't you do better than that???

DH also was sent a whole letter condemning him and wishing “the boils of Egypt” upon him for rejecting an essay for a journal he was editing at the time. Comedy gold.

😂

School bullies used to call me "Pineapple chunks." Yet they still wondered why I never spoke to them.

I slapped one round the face. Not my finest moment, but the point got across.