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To the man at the station who hurled abuse at me this evening..

50 replies

YellowCoatNoKnickers · 10/01/2019 19:28

I started miscarrying a baby I didn’t know I was pregnant with and have been trying to conceive for 2 years yesterday, so forgive me if I’m walking a bit slower than normal.

Yes, I was looking at my phone screen as I walked and at dining chairs, because I bled all over mine last night at the dinner table so I need to replace them with money I don’t have. It’s also a great distraction and a way to keep my head down, so when I inevitably burst into tears again at least my hair covers my face if I’m looking down.

I also look and feel like absolute shit due to the amount of bleeding I’ve done in the last 24 hours, yet still had to go to work today because right now telling my boss what’s happening is too much to deal with. I suspect that will need to change now since your moment of rage has left me too scared to travel by myself.

So yes, I probably was holding you up today as I walked up the stairs over the footbridge but shouting at me and calling me what you did was never going to speed me up. If you’ve ever tried to walk quickly whilst simoultaniously passing a blood clot, you’ll understand why.

You don’t understand though. You probably also don’t understand that shoulder barging me on your way past me and turning around to shout at me again to reiterate that I’m a ‘fat cow’ and ‘fucking oxygen thief’ also won’t speed me up, because today is a day for quiet and slow, not for speed.

I was quiet. I didn’t say a word to you because I knew if I opened my mouth all this would come tumbling out of me like pain vomit and you probably still wouldn’t get it.

Just know that today, you made a shit day worse and now I can’t leave my house because I’m frightened I’ll see you on my commute tomorrow or the day after or in a month and you’ll be there with your eye roll and shoulders. Even if you don’t acknowledge me or recognise me, seeing you will bring back this day and if there’s one day in history I never want to know again, it’s this day.

To the rest of you who saw what happened and left me silent and on my own to face him: fuck you too. I’m fat, it doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of protection or deserving of abuse. Even an ‘are you ok’ or another human by my side would have been enough. But you all stayed quiet and kept waking with your heads down. I didn’t even see a frown.

On a related but separate note, does anyone know how to make yourself feel safe?

Sorry, I needed to put that somewhere. Thanks for listening. Flowers

OP posts:
WitchWatch · 10/01/2019 19:32

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Close your eyes, deep breaths and imagine you are surrounded in a bubble of glowing golden light that keeps you safe inside that nothing can enter. Flowers

YellowCoatNoKnickers · 10/01/2019 19:37

Thank you Flowers

I just feel panicked and frightened which is ridiculous because to him it was a fleeting rage moment and he won’t think about it again, so he’s not going to turn up at my house and hurt me, but I can’t shake the adrenaline fear feeling?

OP posts:
Shockers · 10/01/2019 19:37

Take the day off tomorrow. Not because of the twat who shouted at you, but because you need to rest.

He was an arsehole.

I shouted at a lady for humming too close to me when my mum was dying. I’m not proud of that and I wish I could apologise, but I wouldn’t recognise her again. I was horrible.

Just as you had other things going on, he might have too.

He was a twat, but he might’ve been a really sad or stressed twat.

Or he could just be a right arsehole Wink.

Tink1990 · 10/01/2019 19:39

Flowers for you. Take it easy xx

YellowCoatNoKnickers · 10/01/2019 19:43

I can’t take a day off because if I do I’ll fall to pieces and I’m not sure I can pick my bits up again, so I need to carry on. If I get out of routine right now I dont think I’ll be able to cope with everything, so I’m better with a distraction.

I’d love to believe he was going through something horrid which made him an arsehole and no one is that callus, but I actually think he just saw a fat person in his way walking slowly and took umbridge.

OP posts:
Cherry321 · 10/01/2019 19:43

WineCakeFlowers

Sounds like you've had a really shit time and that wanker was the last thing you needed. I'm a great believer in karma and he will get his comeuppance.

Hope you can take tomorrow off and try and relax over the weekend. Maybe catch an earlier or later train for a little while if that helps?

ltk · 10/01/2019 19:46

Flowers Flowers And hugs too.

Harebellmeadow · 10/01/2019 19:49

Really sorry that happened to you. The man was wrong. Hope you can forget him in time. 💐 💐

IdentifyasTired · 10/01/2019 19:50

God. How horrible. People can be such arseholes. Flowers for you. So sorry for your loss.

Alanamackree · 10/01/2019 19:52

Sorry that happened to youFlowers be kind to yourself for now. You need time to heal both from the miscarriage and loss and from the trauma of being assaulted by a stranger. Be gentle with yourself. You’ll be afraid for a while but only for a while.

flapjackfairy · 10/01/2019 19:54

Oh you poor thing. What a nasty piece of work and at the v worst time for you as well.
So sorry for your loss. Take some time to grieve and rest . I hope in time you can forget that idiot and feel safe again. X

Showchin2 · 10/01/2019 19:54

ThanksThanksThanks

Spudlet · 10/01/2019 19:55

Oh god, I'm so sorry all that happened and is happening to you. You poor love. What a nasty little wankstain that man must be.

I echo what Alanamackree wisely says - be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to heal.

Flowers
sunshineandmojitos · 10/01/2019 19:57

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He was totally out of order. Miscarriage is a shitty, lonely and horrific place to be without what you've experienced today. Make sure you look after yourself Thanks

Winkybum · 10/01/2019 20:51
Flowers
Queenofthedrivensnow · 10/01/2019 21:00

His behaviour is just so fucking out of order anyway. I feel for you op. A bloke had a go at me about my driving the other day and I nearly cried. Big hugs xxxxx

Schmoobarb · 10/01/2019 21:02

What a horrible person x

You know, falling to pieces really is OK. You’ve been through a completely horrific experience. You’re allowed to need to take time to heal

I’m so sorry Flowers

Gunpowder · 10/01/2019 21:03

Flowers how horrid for you. I’m sorry OP. When I was little my mum always used to tell me that bullies were probably miserable and that’s why they were bullies. I know it doesn’t make it any easier though.

Perthshire2 · 10/01/2019 21:05

Big hugs op xxxx Flowers

PearlandRubies194 · 10/01/2019 21:05

Horrid man....

Sending a very yn-MM huge hug. Please look after yourself 💐

AWishForWingsThatWork · 10/01/2019 21:06

I'm sorry, OP. The man was an absolute shit.

Flowers
PearlandRubies194 · 10/01/2019 21:06

*un-MN

sideorderofchips · 10/01/2019 21:08

Take tomorrow off. Sometimes we have to fall to pieces. He was a dick but you’re right will probably never think of it again. Sending many hugs to you xx

mellicauli · 10/01/2019 21:14

I think you need a clear week off after MC. I remember my boss being really amazinngly supportive, I am sure yours will be too.

That man's comment was reflective of his internal state and was nothing to do with you.

TheBigFatMermaid · 10/01/2019 21:35

So sorry or your loss. Sorry you came across this particularly stressed and angry person today, when you needed not to.

As for buying chairs, when you can't afford to. Give the chair a good soaking with cold water and salt, rinse, do again... Easier with loose fabric, but manageable with chairs though.