Worst Chat Up Line Ever

[HouseOfGoldandBones]

Was in the barbers this week with DS(14) & while he was getting cut, I was sitting waiting, just playing on my phone.

A man came in (about 10 years older than me) & started chatting to me, he seemed a little socially awkward, but we were having a pleasant enough conversation about the festive period, and he was definitely flirting. I offered up that I was just getting over the cold, but still had a bit of a cough & a runny nose.

His response was "ooooh, I do like a bitch with a wet nose"

He wasn't being malicious, but a poorly judged comment.

I think this is definitely the worst chat up line I've ever received.

In a country pub in Ireland after Christmas... you’re not a bad looking woman for your age(not that I’d told him my age) I bet you were really good looking when you were young 😏

Him "What's got two thumbs and fucks like a tiger?"

Me

Him

I would have too had I not been with friends.

Him "What's got two thumbs and fucks like a tiger?"

What? You're going to bite me on the back of the neck and have a barbed penis? And last about 15 seconds?'

Who talks french and is great in bed?
Moi!

'"Hello my name is Boris Johnson' would seem the worst."

I see your bojo and raise you

"Hello I'm Jacob Rees mogg"

My ex won me over with

"My mate fancies you...but I'll worship you" he didn't!

When i was abot 35 Me and DH has taken a mutual female friend out for a birthday drink you are just coming back from the loos and passed a group of guys all in there 70s ish one of them packed up and said if I was 10 Years Younger and asked you both out, instant reply from me so if you were 10 years older I would have accepted.
It cracked up both the group of men and me and my friend and my DH who was only sat a few feet away

At the Danse de Palais (known as the pally) circa 1975 a sleazy and boozy young man approached me, looked my generous bosom up and down and said, "By 'eck, you don't get many of those in a bucket!"

Charming, or what?
"Am I in heaven or did an angel just float by?"

In either case, pass the sick bag.

I was out with some friends at a pub in Manchester. Im only 5' 2" and quite slim, my LBD was doing it's best and my push up bra was screaming "we're bigger than we look honest!".

A guy comes over to our table, puts a half pint of beer in front of me (i don't even drink beer, and if I did it would look like I was holding a bucket) he then looks me up and down and says

"I don't normally go for titless wonders, but you're alright, not like you're getting any other offers is it"

Got him to buy all my drinks for the rest of the night

And (somehow) his iphone ended up smashed on the floor after I accidentally dropped it while taking a picture of him (oops! clumsy lemming .

The BEST chat up line I ever had was from an Irish guy when I was away for a weekend in Dublin. Another LBD and push up moment (yeah, im that kind of girl). Guy leans over to me and says

"Sorry, are those real?"

Well, lets just say he got it both barrels! I don't tolerate that sort of crap!

After I had finished lecturing him he looked me straight in the eye and said

"So, they're not contacts then? that's really the colour of your eyes?

I was so embarrassed and started to back pedal furiously

Me "Sorry, I thought you were talking about my tits"

Him "I've only been talking to you for 30 seconds and you're already discussing your tits, a bit innapropriate isn't it? I'll overlook it this time and buy you a drink, but just keep the dirty talk to yourself until we get to know eachother a better"

Took me until the following day to realise he set me up from the his first word!

It was a VERY good weekend!

That's quite clever Lushlemming

I actually really like "you'd give a snowman the horn" line as well.

I don't have any interesting ones to add.

As I was getting my coat and the song it takes 2 baby was playing a bloke came and mumbled something at me. Sorry what? I cant understand you. Several times. He was saying it takes 2 baby so how about it? I said thats actually quite funny. Go and try it on someone else and enunciate clearly. He looked really chuffed and said ok thanks!

Definitely an Iranian doctor I met on holiday in Rio whilst DH was working.

He came over to my table and asked if he could join me. Then kept clicking his fingers saying the lady behind the bar should come to him, he shouldn't have to walk 10 metres to the bar. He then tells me he's been hassled for prostitutes but doesn't do them, he has a girlfriend "but they live seperate lives". Then says he's been watching me for a few days and has seen my DH and he's nearly bald so I must like nearly bald men and he says he is too. He then adds that my husband is very lucky to have me "as I know when to shut up but most women don't".

Someone approached me outside Greggs and offered to buy me a sausage roll if I gave him my number.
I declined.

Worst had to be
“Hi what’s your name?”
Me: “Overnightangel”
“Oh right thanks, I just wanted to star in my next 10 wanks”
😳

back in the days of call boxes i got "here hen,theres 20p,away phone your ma tell her you'll no be home tonight" (fail) and "lets go" i stupidly asked where..."back to mine-you can jump on my love rocket and i'll take you to the moon"(er,no,you wont)...my fave was first day of work ,having left home age 17 the night before,still drunk cos the boss insisted we had a early 18th birthday party pub crawl so i wouldnt get insta-segregated socially from rest of staff(best job ever) live in job at hotel...so..day 1 at the hot plate,met the chef...he said "hi.whats the difference tween a chicken leg and a penis"....i said "dunno".."wanna come for a picnic later" . lol

Name changed as this is totally outing.
I have a very Roman nose, I look like Julius Caesar in profile.
I was approached at a club by a well battered Rugby playing type- his nose had definitely been on the receiving end of several elbows and head butts.
His line?
"I'll tell you how I broke my nose if you tell me how you broke yours"

Reader, I married him.

Someone once shouted at me in a packed pub “get your rat out”. And they say romance is dead.

My worst probably had to be “I do like a young man in drag” I’m very much female with little make up.

To me as a rather developed fourteen year old.
"How old are you love?"
"14"
"If you say 16, I'll make it worth your while."
He was about 50, by the way.

Definitely not the worst, but it entertained me:
Drunk man: errrr...are you Gillette?
Me: what?
Drunk man: are you Gillette? 'Cause you're the best a man can get!

John Claud Van Damn you're fine!
Yes really oh dear 😱

When I was about 20 a guy said to me I really fancy you as you look like you are 12

Sounds like a shit job @tolerable

As a friend walked past some guys in a club one of them said ‘ere darlin’, can I get in your knickers? to which she replied ‘no thanks, there’s already one arsehole in there’.

My friend was asked by a guy
"Do you want to go to a party?"
"Where"?
"In me pants"

I had dated a guy for awhile.First time we went into his bedroom, he said " Welcome to my Pleasuredome". I did actually find it funny.

"How much to cum on your tits?"

Ah, online dating...