Am I a terrible mum?

[CantStopTheFeeling2]

I'll give you all some backstory...

I've been on my own with my 2 DC for over 6 months while my DH works away.

DC are 5 and 2.

Quite a lot of the days in the school holidays, I have been putting a film on for my eldest while my youngest naps, cuddling up with her while the movies on and I've ended up napping myself. I am normally busy and out with them in the mornings... for walks, to the park, scooter rides etc and come mid afternoon I am completely wiped!

I'm feeling so guilty about this 😩 and feel very ashamed of myself. I'm just so so exhausted even with a decent sleep at night. There's always just so much I need to do and I have no one who I can lean on. It doesn't help that I can't drive and walking everywhere is also really tiring.

Literally feel like the worst parent ever!

Just do what gets you through. Maybe see the gp just to check your not anaemic or some other medical cause though.

The children are fed, loved and bonus, exercised. What more do you expect from anyone?

I would be looking at what you can drop to make yourself less tired though. Anything housework.

I feel guilty as we don't go out unless it is a supermarket! Too cold, dark and zero money to entertain a severely disabled child. He doesn't go to school now either as he left in July last year. I have to tell myself I am being irrational feeling so guilty and that works until the next day. Things will improve for you and I. We are doing the best we can for our children and that's enough for now.

I cannot believe you are feeling bad about this! If I gave my DCs busy mornings like that I'd feel like I was winning! It sounds like you're doing a top job. I have no doubt your eldest loves the film and a bit of calm, and I don't think there's a 2 year old ever that didn't enjoy some cuddle time.
Stop being so hard on yourself! Looking after small children is tough. Add holidays into the mix and doing it on your own... You need a medal!

I am learning to drive as soon as DH comes home. The school run alone is 6 miles walking a day with the pushchair. Obviously doing food shops on foot a lot of the time and carrying it home (I do get the odd online delivery too but I'm not always organised enough).

DD said to me today, "what film shall I watch today when you guys are napping". That made me feel absolutely dreadful and I'd be mortified if she told anyone.

I hired a cleaner. The spare money goes on her and she has made such a difference to my life. I feel happier.

She is keeping herself occupied. Normal family life.

It's ok, we do that. You've been out in the mornings. She needs to unwind a bit while she's off school right? Don't be hard on yourself

I do it all the time! Especially when my DD3 is up at 5:30, afternoons are film/ipads while I/we snooze on the sofa. Door is locked house is safe and I'd wake if he got up and left the sofa! You have to do what you need to do to get through the day with your sanity!

Sounds good to me! You have activity in the day and time to unwind. Films are a decent use of these short, dull afternoons and long evenings.

It is draining spending all day walking around. I often feel more tired at the end of a backwards and forwards day on foot than I do after a long run!

Why do you feel guilty? DC2 is asleep, DC2 occupier after a busy morning of no screen time, fresh air, exercise etc. Perfect time for a nap IMO.
I love naps and am happy for DS to watch something while I have one

I agree with everyone else that this is not a problem - sounds like some good memories made and a balance of active and quiet time.

With regards to the tiredness, I think it's worth getting iron and thyroid checked to rule anything out. If the 2yo goes to sleep earlier, maybe you can have some boardgames with the older one? Mine love that bit of alone time.

I do this all the time and I have never thought I was a terrible mother for it! I am often at work and so tired on my days off esp with an early riser I don’t think I would function without it. My kids are the same age and I am not sure what I will do when youngest drops the nap!

Nothing wrong with cuddly, snoozy time in front of a film.

I'm honestly feeling so relieved that others are doing this too! I thought it was only me 😅 thanks everyone.

Most probably I am anaemic, I'm often anaemic or low ferritin when I get bloods done but I can't tolerate iron tablets, they don't agree with me at all.

Not at all. I reckon you'd still feel guilty even if your afternoons were packed with baking, flashcards, clay modelling and children's TED talks if such a thing existed...dunno maybe it does...but who cares, because I too have the left the house today and am now rewarding myself with wine. There is too much guilt and ridiculous expectation (real and imagined) to parenting. NY resolutions; stop over-thinking, stop analysing parenting, enjoy life.

I do that with my 3yo and 5month old sometimes when my eldest isnt at preschool... just whack a film on for eldest so can have a nap with youngest.... my husband works 12+ hour shifts and have no family help so it's just me all day from getting them up to putting to bed.... and it's so dark and the weather is so shit we often cant all just spend ages outside... I feel your pain it's a tough few months in the winter when you're essentially doing it on your own! X

Honestly no idea why you'd feel guilty about this. Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

T’is the season for cosying up on
the couch.

We’ve had a lovely few days warm in the house and achieving very little.

To compensate, we attempted a museum visit today-utter carnage-wish we’d just stayed in the house!

I think that sometimes (especially when it’s dark and cold) we all just need to hibernate a little.

Back to school tomorrow though so that’s the end of that ....

As an aside, apologies to the good people of Glasgow who had to witness our 3 year old son having a breakdown over his wellies in the vestibule of KG art gallery-we should have stayed at home !

I’m a LP, with some latent mental health issues, a full on job and I’m anaemic.

On Saturday morning DS (2) woke up at 6am. We cosleep so I was immediately up too. I hadn’t gone to bed until 1am as had to catch up on housework and laundry.

I shuffled downstairs, got him a banana and a cup of milk, put a Julia Donaldson film on my laptop, and got back into bed with him cuddled up and dozed until 7.30. Woke up fully a few times to change film.

I used to feel guilty when I did that, but realised (slowly) it was 90 minutes of shit parenting, or a full day of exhausted shit parenting. As it was, that extra 90 mins gave me the energy to get up, walk 3 miles to the park, play at the park and then go visit grandma.

Some days it’s just about survival.

Some people just nod off very easily. I would always nod off with my dc in the cinema or watching TV. If l keep going l'm fine but sit down and l'm dropping off. But a nap in the afternoon is good as when your little one wakes up you are ready for action again. I see no harm in it.

Children need quiet time too! Don’t feel bad! By the sound of your little girl’s comment, “what film shall I watch today while you’re napping?”, she enjoys it. If she didn’t then you’d know. You are busy most mornings and walking everywhere, a little lie down and a film mid afternoon sounds very healthy for a young child.

It sounds like a very sensible thing to do. You're listening to your body. We should all do more of that.

I'm very impressed with the fact that you manage to keep going at all, given the distances you're walking, the fact that you have two young children and you're doing all of this on your own.

My children are teenagers, DH has been home most of the Christmas holidays, and we've all been getting out of bed between 10am and noon, and doing basically nothing most days. It's been incredibly restoring. I don't feel the slightest bit guilty.

Thank you all so much for all the reassurance. The good thing about mumsnet is that I know you'd all be the first to tell me if it was out of order.

Some people just nod off very easily

Honestly, I was on the phone to DH today and I was saying to him, I literally couldn't watch the movie with DD and keep my eyes open. As soon as we start snuggling up, I'm out of it. Basically, if I want to stay awake the whole day, I have to be busy the whole day.