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Original poster

DD 7 , invited to sleepover with 9yo boys

46 replies

musicalfruit123 · 06/01/2019 12:29

My DD has been invited to birthday party sleepover for very good friend who is a boy turning aged 9. They’ve been friends for years and I am good friends with his mum. However my DD will be the only girl there amongst 4/5 boys. AIBU to feel a bit unsure about this? I was sexually assaulted by a boy when I was 7 , who was also same age as me...perhaps this is fuelling my anxiety. My daughter really wants to go. WWYD?

OP posts:

Pinkprincess1978 · 06/01/2019 14:51

Unless family and a mixed group I don't know that I would be comfortable either. Could she not go for the evening they you go pick her up? Or if you see good friends with the mum could you stop for the evening and catch up and leave the kids to play?

Original poster

musicalfruit123 · 06/01/2019 15:56

Thanks for your reply @Pinkprincess1978 . I might suggest if they could possibly invite another girl along... I don’t want to offend my friend as she made the invite as to ‘not leave DD out’ but something definitely doesn’t sit well with me about it.

OP posts:

drspouse · 06/01/2019 15:57

Can you ask if she can have her own bedroom?

YogaWannabe · 06/01/2019 16:00

I have this exact struggle too OP.
My DD is the same age as yours and most of her friends are boys the same age as your OP.
On one hand I don’t want to curb her experiences (as in sleepovers with friends etc) just because of genders but I also have the same worries as you.
I remember being her age and the boys I played with being a bit inappropriate at times.

Original poster

musicalfruit123 · 06/01/2019 19:31

@yogawannabe - it’s hard isn’t it? I think when they’re younger it doesn’t matter at all but around this age things are starting to change. I think particularly as the boys are a bit older than my daughter , it adds a bit more of a concern. I tend to be quite ‘over’ protective as it is, so I need to balance that with rationality.

@drspouse - unfortunately not really an option as they don’t have a spare room.

OP posts:

Dogsmellssobadbob · 06/01/2019 19:33

Nope this would not happen for my Dd

Not a chance

I’d let her go for the evening and then collect her at say 9pm

Don’t put your daughter in that position.

YogaWannabe · 06/01/2019 19:35

I think in your case I’d probably say no tbh. That she could stay till 9/10 and you’d collect her. I just can’t say it’s worth the risk and I hate to sound like I’m tarring all boys/men with the same brush but so many women I know have experienced differ t levels of abuse. It really pains me to say!

Redtartanshoes · 06/01/2019 19:37

I’ve got an 11yo DS. Wouldn’t advocate this. I know it shouldn’t be a problem but why take that chance?

Pick her up at 9 or 10, take her back at breakfast time if you really want:

What are her thoughts on it?

What are the proposed sleeping arrangements?

Original poster

musicalfruit123 · 06/01/2019 19:55

Thanks for your opinions all - it helps to know I’m not alone in my worries.

The sleeping arrangements are that they have individual sleeping bags in same room...

My DD definitely wants to go but in her mind why wouldn’t she? As I said in the OP, I too have had personal negative experience as a child with a boy of the same age.

My DD’s dad said he didn’t personally see a problem with it however i think I’m going to have to really think this over some more.

And also think of a way to tell my friend without upsetting her...

OP posts:

Original poster

musicalfruit123 · 06/01/2019 19:58

P.S. I did initially query with my friend whether or not it was appropriate now they’re a bit older but she said of course it was fine and in her opinion there’s nothing to worry about until they’re 12 or 13?! She said they’d be going to the cinema then play games etc so not on own until going to sleep - however maybe still not worth risking...

OP posts:

goldengummybear · 06/01/2019 19:58

Does she have another sibling attending by any chance? Personally I'd pick up late- 9pm? 10pm? It's not because they are boys- I think that the age gap can be a problem when adults aren't supervising.

NotANotMan · 06/01/2019 19:59

At 7 she's too young for a sleepover with 9 year olds regardless of sex. They will be up really late and probably being macho and annoying the way 9 year old boys can be; swearing and making fun of each other often happens when they don't think adults are listening. A 7 year old will probably be too sensitive to enjoy that atmosphere

Original poster

musicalfruit123 · 06/01/2019 20:07

No she is an only child.

Picking up at 9/10ish sounds like an ok compromise. I’m not sure how to broach this with my friend without making it sound like I don’t trust her parenting/supervision...

OP posts:

NotANotMan · 06/01/2019 20:10

Just say that you think she's too young for a sleepover with older kids, she will probably not sleep well and may get homesick.

Biologifemini · 06/01/2019 20:13

I think it is unfair for the other parents to put exploratory kids in this position.
The boys are likely no risk but anything can be misconstrued or discussed and then they will be in trouble too.
She is too young for sleepovers anyway so you can just use this as an excuse.

NewPinkSocks · 06/01/2019 20:14

From experience I wouldnt let her go.

I would pick up after the cinema etc

mondaysaturday · 06/01/2019 20:15

No. Not under any circumstances.

Hell would freeze over before I'd allow that.

Beamur · 06/01/2019 20:16

I'd only agree to this if she was in a separate bedroom.

lorisparkle · 06/01/2019 20:17

When my ds was a Beaver (aged 6 - 8) the boys and girls always slept separately on sleep overs. I also think 7 is quite young for a sleep over.

Notmorewashing · 06/01/2019 20:18

No way. Pick up after cinema

C0untDucku1a · 06/01/2019 20:20

I would pick up late. Maybe say youve xyz planned the day after and you need to leave early and need dd to get enough sleep as she would be far tooe excited to sleep at the sleepover.

AllyPallyMally · 06/01/2019 20:21

I am going against the flow here but I say let her stay if she wants to. Yes the Birthday Boy is 9 but the others may well still be 8 so it's not like there is a huge age gap. Also you've already broached the subject with the mum, she's tried to reassure you so whatever you say if you pull your child out will cause offence because you are saying yo udo not trust her to care for your child. The fact that your daughter's father is ok with it is quite significant to me too.

titchy · 06/01/2019 20:21

I don't think it's the fact that there's a boy there - it's the fact that there are several and presumably she isn't as friendly with the others. The dynamic will be very different from the usual one with her friend. They'll be showing off and tbh having a younger child, regardless of sex, might cramp the other boys' style a bit.

If you're concerned about offending your friend can you suggest a sleepover with just the birthday boy for another day?

Goposie · 06/01/2019 20:25

Say your dd has started having nightmares so a sleepover isn’t a good idea... or say you have a family event the next day that requires a good sleep the night before and early start

AllyPallyMally · 06/01/2019 20:31

All the helpful people who are giving OP ideas for excuses to make have missed the point. OP has already queried the arrangements with the boy's Mum so she is going to know that it is all lies/excuses. As OP says this is someone she knows well I don't think lies will help. If she does pull her daughter out she needs to be honest about the reason why.

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