DD 7 , invited to sleepover with 9yo boys

[musicalfruit123]

My DD has been invited to birthday party sleepover for very good friend who is a boy turning aged 9. They’ve been friends for years and I am good friends with his mum. However my DD will be the only girl there amongst 4/5 boys. AIBU to feel a bit unsure about this? I was sexually assaulted by a boy when I was 7 , who was also same age as me...perhaps this is fuelling my anxiety. My daughter really wants to go. WWYD?

@musicalfruit123 you are not being over-protective at all!!! I think you are being sensible.
I'm sorry but even without experiencing what you have, for me the risk is still there. I wouldn't be happy for my dd to sleep over anywhere unless I really trusted the people she was staying with. That means no school sleepovers! I'm not even keen on her going to friends houses unless I know the parents really well.

At 7 she's too young for a sleepover with 9 year olds regardless of sex. I disagree. If the child is turning 9 then it's likely that some of the other boys are still 8 if they are in the same school year. My child camped with children as old as 11 when they started Cub Scouts at 7. Not having another girl there is what would bother me, a sleepover isn't fun if you are sleeping in a bedroom alone.

I wouldn’t even think twice about it. I think your experience is colouring your view (and that is understandable of course) but I’m surprised so many others are saying no. My dd’s best friend was a boy for years and he always came to sleepovers. It was fine. I kept an eye on the goings on as I would any sleepover anyway.

From when I was around 10/11 one of my friends DB was a year older. Whenever she had a girls sleepover her DB conveninetly would ask to do a sleepover with his friends.

Every time they’d come to her room and try to get us to kiss them and more. The parents were clueless that physical stuff was going on. I was quite sheltered and got really scared I’d have to kiss these boys I didn’t find cute at all.

So no I don’t think I’d send my DD to spend the night with a group of boys on her own.

I think I was about 8 when I went to mixed sleepover. To be fair I wasn’t the only girl but it was absolutely no different to any other sleepover I’d been to. Food, films, telling silly ghost stories.

I’m surprised so many people are against this.

My dd had a mixed sleep over for her 9th birthday but the difference was they were all the same age (well some would have still been 8). One mum, who I was most friendly with, said it wasn’t appropriate and picked her daughter up at 10pm- fine that was her decision.
All the kids were silly and noisy but it was fine. I think it partly depends on the children themselves and how comfortable you feel with them. I would probably not be happy due to the age difference more than anything else.

I don't have daughters but hate sleepovers anyway, I think the pick up at 9pm is a good idea, good luck OP

My dd had a sleep over at her friends house who is a boy. I think she was 10 ad him 8. I honestly never even considered anything untoward about it. Maybe i would have felt different if it was the boy who was older.

I was at my friends DD8s party the other day. 3 children went upstairs to see the birthday girls new bedroom. 2 minutes later a girl was screaming because a boy had "laid down on" her. 6 kids age 6-8, 3 adults. 2 minutes.
No way I'd let her go.

No I wouldn’t

Can I ask what happened OP?

No I wouldn’t allow this. Just say you have plans the next day you don’t want her to be tired for!

Not a chance. I'd let her go to the party part and collect her afterwards. Just say you think she's a bit young.

My son's best friends from aged 6 upwards have all been girls. One set at primary and one set in secondary (he is now 16). He's always been the only boy at the sleep overs. I've never had a problem having the girls over night here (one or more at a time) and for the most part other parents have been happy to have son at theirs over night.

I find it a little sad that when the sexes are reversed no-one has a problem with it.

Can I ask why people are against this? It isn't a girl and boy teenagers where obvious shockers like teenage pregnancy could happen. They're just children.

The only thing I would be miffed about is the 9 year old boys being very 'boisterous'

ALittleCrisp due to personal experience some posters would not recommend a younger girl having a sleepover with a roomful of slightly older boys.
I'd probably say the same - if there was a more even mix, for some reason I would be happier. But for one girl to be sharing a room with only older boys, I'd say no. Some of my DD9's male friends really are a lot more mature and boisterous than she is. Without knowing the other boys, I'd say 8/9 is definitely into the 'uncomfortable banter' age range even if it wouldn't get to 'spin the bottle' stage.
I think the mum would understand? Just say you're not entirely comfortable with DD sleeping over.

Age 8 is year 3-4. No idea why people think that boys that age have 'uncomfortable' banter. Girls were faintly icky until we were about year 7 to us. I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Sethis because I listen to some of the year 4 boys at my kids school? And the OP herself was abused by a boy of that age?!

Ds wanted his girlfriend to come to sleeping with other boys for his 14th. Boys slept in lounge and girl had his room. Would that work? Can you trust parent to police until bedtime?? After bed visiting etc?? If it's anything like mine I and boys got little sleep but girlfriend had a good night??

But I was completely ok if her mum had said no. But they've all been cubs/scouts together so used to late nights together 🙂

@Sethis I teach a Year 4 class - trust me when I say there are children of this age who know/say/do inappropriate things.