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Original poster

What kind of relationship do you have with your exH?

35 replies

luckiestgirl · 05/01/2019 11:56

Particularly if you have DC together, how much do you communicate?

Me and STBXH used to have a friendly relationship after we broke up, and now it’s less like that and we literally just pass the children over at the weekend, update on what they’ve had for dinner and how they’ve been sleeping and say goodbye.

I’m not sure if that’s normal? Feels very transactional and I think I’d like it a bit friendlier. Just wondering what it’s like for others?

OP posts:

Nnnnnineteen · 05/01/2019 12:32

Im in his phone under 'fucking bitch' and I wish he would spontaneously combust. Your way sounds very amicable to me!

Cuntcuntcunt · 05/01/2019 12:33

I hate his fucking guts and love that the kids are older and I don’t have to deal with him.

DiveBombingSeagull · 05/01/2019 12:36

Youngest is almost 15 so makes her own arrangements and we both just taxi her between the two houses. Eldest is 20 and drives himself on the rare occasions he sees his Dad.

We are amicable, no hostility but not friendly.

leaveituntiltomorrow · 05/01/2019 12:39

He’s an entirely useless waste of space. All communication is now through the teens (16&14). I know what they’ll have had for their tea though - beans on toast or pesto pasta.

Omgineedanamechange · 05/01/2019 12:40

I wouldn’t piss on the twat if he were on fire. Fortunately neither would adult DD.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 05/01/2019 12:43

We're friends. We spend time together on birthdays and Christmas, his DW is a great stepmother to DS13 and for a kid from a 'broken' home DS13 is doing spectacularly well.

I appreciate that not many families do this, or are able to have such an amicable situation. We're fortunate enough to have remarried lovely folk, which helps enormously.

maggienolia · 05/01/2019 14:20

Absolutely none.
Haven't laid eyes on him or spoken to him since 1994.

DaffoDeffo · 05/01/2019 14:22

Mine is transactional like yours luckiest

Athena51 · 05/01/2019 14:32

Marriage was beyond grim, we split up when DS was 16 and he wished we'd done it years before.

More than 8 years down the line I'd describe it as amicable to friendly. We are both happy with new partners and DS is grown up so no need for much contact. That said I went over to drop off DS at ex-h's house after Christmas and he invited me in for coffee and we had a really nice long chat. I get on well with his new wife, she's lovely and he likes my DP.

As my late, lamented DM once said 'how very modern...'

GTrules · 05/01/2019 14:40

When we first separated we were friendly for sake of our D but that soon changed especially when he got a new GF. We both move don with new partners and I don't communicate with him at all, D is 15 now and can make her own arrangements so no need. Don't ha e anything to say to the man so you better off than most.

Sadik · 05/01/2019 14:51

We've continued to run our family business, so necessarily amicable in that we work together, manage staff together etc. Hard work initially, motivated by the fact that it was basically that or be unemployed or in much lower paid work, but a few years down the line it's fine.

We also still move in the same small social circle which again was difficult to start with and needed a certain amount of forced determination to make work, but is pretty much unproblematic now. I'd say ex-H's new DP (who was the OW in our breakup) probably found it hardest, but I think these days life has moved on for everybody. (I would tell her how grateful I am that she took him off my hands, but I'm not sure it would be helpful )

madcatladyforever · 05/01/2019 14:54

Started off with me making a massive effort to be friendly but unfortunately he still insisted on being a massive dickhead so I've given up now and gone NC.

Sadik · 05/01/2019 14:55

OP, I think I'd find it hard to have no functional relationship - although ex & I split up largely due to having gone different directions in our lives as we aged, we spent 25 years together & did a lot of good stuff. I'd hate to lose that.

Also, I see many people around me who have managed to keep good relationships with their exes, & how positive that is for all of their lives - their children of course, but also as they age as part of their life story if that makes sense.

MattBerrysHair · 05/01/2019 14:57

Originally we both assumed it would be friendly, but then he was a bit of an arse and now it's purely transactional.

AdelaideK · 05/01/2019 15:02

Ours is fine. He came to see the kids open their presents on Xmas day, he'll pick them up if I'm stuck in work, he fixes stuff in the house etc.

But we are both single and I do wonder if he meets someone else things might change.

For now it's great though.

bastardkitty · 05/01/2019 15:04

He's blocked because he's abusive, DC is no contact, I contact CMS every time he tells them a new set of lies. When he dies I will have a little drink.

Dowser · 05/01/2019 15:05

Mines excellent .
He passed away 4 years ago.
Says it all doesn’t it?

Didn’t wish for him to die..would never do that. But it’s made life a lot stressful at family gatherings to know he’s not sitting there with a face like a well slapped arse and sending me hateful thoughts.

pegitout · 05/01/2019 15:11

We are civil in text regarding arrangements re the dc. But he ensures he is in no situation where he has to lay eyes on me. I find it difficult to imagine ever having a face to face conversation ever again. I dread to think of how weddings/ graduations will pan out. I think he probably hates me and I despise that he has come out of our split much better off than me. Knows I am struggling but offers no maintenance.

Phillipa12 · 05/01/2019 15:20

Ours was ok and now its transactional, which is what i prefer. Not helped by the fact that i just told him that any man who starts an affair is a bastard and any female that enters into an affair knowingly is a whore and i dont wish my dc to ever be associated with a whore. Not my finest moment but it had been coming for a long time, he shat on me from an almighty height, i am not his friend.....

HighwayDragon1 · 05/01/2019 15:28

I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

In front of DD I'm as nice as pie, through gritted teeth asd comes in handy here, she has no idea

BG2015 · 05/01/2019 15:44

Been divorced 11 years. Kids are older teens. Both now in new relationships.

We are friendly, speak about the kids and I share school information with him.

Don't go out of my way to speak to him but it's amenable.

Giggage · 05/01/2019 15:46

I text him if I HAVE to.
The kids have nothing to do with him. We like it like that.
No one talks about him. Even his parents know better than to mention him.

brainache78 · 05/01/2019 15:51

Brilliant! Mainly because we're not living together anymore. That was a disaster.

We have Sunday lunch together every week - me, our DS and my DD (who is not his), his wife and their 2 other DSs. His wife and I are close and she knows she can talk to me when he's being annoying and that I get it!

I helped organise their wedding and my DD was their flower girl.

Weird, maybe, but it works for us!

Wallywobbles · 05/01/2019 15:53

Last saw in court in 2016 when he lost his parental responsibility. I pity him. But he doesn't seem to pity himself. When I contemplate letting him know how amazing his DDs are everyone including his mother warn me not to.

MaidenMotherCrone · 05/01/2019 15:57

The same as @Dowser

He's dead and we get on brilliantly. Life is so much easier.

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