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Original poster

What kind of relationship do you have with your exH?

35 replies

luckiestgirl · 05/01/2019 11:56

Particularly if you have DC together, how much do you communicate?

Me and STBXH used to have a friendly relationship after we broke up, and now it’s less like that and we literally just pass the children over at the weekend, update on what they’ve had for dinner and how they’ve been sleeping and say goodbye.

I’m not sure if that’s normal? Feels very transactional and I think I’d like it a bit friendlier. Just wondering what it’s like for others?

OP posts:
EastMidsGPs · 05/01/2019 16:43

Last seen over 30 years ago. I know not whether he is dead or alive (or remotely care).

eve34 · 05/01/2019 17:02

Think ours is much the same. If I have to deal with him face to face I will.

I message through text anything about the children.

I haven't spoken to him directly since September. When he stopped paying child support as he couldn't afford it. Bit he has had had several holidays since. 🙄. Sadly I still don't trust myself not to say something I might regret. So find it best not to say a word.

ShortandSweet96 · 05/01/2019 17:06

Love mine, my first 'proper' relationship when I was 15, lost my virginity to him because.. And I quote "its not a proper relationship until you do it" so why not right? Wrong. he took of photo of me getting changed once when we were together. I knew about it and asked him to delete it as I'm quite self conscious and don't do the whole 'send me nudes' thing.

We broke up and he put that one and others I didn't know about on Twitter.

Yep, he's a pretty cool guy.

JacquesHammer · 05/01/2019 17:10

We’re good friends. Chat regularly about DD and about other things.

I sometimes socialise with him and his wife.

PortiaCastis · 05/01/2019 17:19

Very rarely, when dd was younger I neither saw him nor had a penny from him but when she turned 18 hey presto he showed up a) because he knew she had a trust fund which she'd have access to as an adult and b) because he thought he could worm his sorry arse back into my life

Runwayqueen · 05/01/2019 17:51

I work with xh, our management team warned us both at the time of our separation that we needed to be professional with each other, which we have been for the last 7 yrs. In some respects that has been good because we are able to get on very well together, but it also means I've been unable to challenge him on his poor contact with DD. He has just handed his notice in though. Great!!! I can now tackle the issues without it being turned into a work drama. I will also be challenging his new maintenance contribution, he told me his new salary would be the same as current but has boasted to colleagues that it's 11k more. Times are changing for us that's for certain

Seniorschoolmum · 05/01/2019 18:05

Similar to you. We flex reasonably around holidays, can be civil while in the same room and ds has very seldom seen us argue.

Any friendlier and ex immediately tries to take advantage. I know our dc will never be his priority, so transactional works. I think we do reasonably well in the circumstances.

darkhorse2016 · 05/01/2019 18:12

If I never saw or heard from him again it would be fine by me. Divorce is nearly finalised and it can’t come too soon. I will only deal with him by email and just want rid of the alcoholic abusive waste of space that he is and sorry that I didn’t choose a better father for my wonderful kids. Just thankful that my children are older and very sensible and can decide how much they want to see him (not much!) and seem to be happy.

KurriKurri · 05/01/2019 18:30

Zero contact, zero relationship - and that's how I want it to remain. I dread meeting him at a family occasion in the future, he is a very nasty piece of work and I fear what he might do or say to me.

VeryFoolishFay · 05/01/2019 18:35

We divorced 12 years ago, at my request. It was ok for a few years, always polite. We have always been decent to each other and no backbiting in front of the DC's. I am quite fond of him but just couldn't be married to him.

The DC are now in their early 20's and he's just been been and stayed here at Christmas, as he did last year. My DH is ok with it, we have quite a houseful including my parents too.

Its for my sake mostly, I like to spend Christmas with my DC's and they like it too. But they would feel sad if they thought their dad was lonely and having a TV dinner for one (though he gets loads of invites from friends for the festivities) so they really appreciate him being there - which they expressly told me again this year.

It's not for everyone but it works for us.

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