Am I the only one whose festive season isn’t a whirlwind of parties and visitors?

[IAmAlwaysLikeThis]

The Sunday papers are full of articles about surviving the party season, having housefuls of people etc.

Are people honestly out every night of the week/having people over every night etc?

Surely most people don’t know that many people (unless they live where they grew up or have very big families, I suppose? Even then, surely it’s not actually like they are honestly going from party to party for weeks on end?)

Starting to feel like an asocial freak!

Why is that miserable? You aren’t being very fair. Some people have real social anxiety, just don’t enjoy being around others, don’t drink, don’t want to be around drunks etc. There’s a whole host of reasons some people don’t want to party. It’s not for you to judge

@KMoKMo Thank you for that.

@greendale 17 Why am I a misery? The last time I was around a drunk person,he knocked me to the ground,I ended up with cracked rib and a black eye. It wasn't the first time but was sure as hell was the last. I choose not to be around drunk people now as those experiences have left their mark,physically and mentally. Just one reason why I choose not to go to parties.Besides which,I'd rather be in the warmth and comfort of my home. Is that ok by you? Probably not but I'm happy with it.

one of my resolutions is to try to establish more friendships/ socialise more in 2019. i do not want another xmas like this one! But its really hard. I have a very small family (just dm and brother and his family) Dh doesnt want to see his family. doesnt have many local friends and would hate to host a party, which makes it hard for me. Most of my friends have large families and better friends to spend time with at xmas/ nye, which leaves me with no one to see. I have quite a lot of acquaintances but few good friends, and struggling to turn one into the other

torty yes I’m in the same boat.

When I was a child it was totally like this. Our local friends seemed to be round each others houses every night, taking turns.

Especially for new year - if we had folk round to ours on Hogmanay, we'd be at someone else's on the 1st then another house on the 2nd. Although Hogmanay usually involved a few houses..

Adults in the living room and kids chucked through the back with 2L of coke, a family pack of crisps and some board games or a Nintendo (NES) if you were lucky...

These days we just fall asleep on the couch trying to be awake for the bells

I do think sometimes I should try to adult and invite neighbors round...

We don’t have any family around anymore (FIL would love to see us but his wife makes sure he can’t so we saw him for “Christmas” a few weeks ago).

Christmas has just been me, DH, DD and DS. No visitors, no visiting. We’ve been out for walks though.

We saw family for Christmas, but missed out on our one day seeing friends because of ill kids.

It’s all bullshit.

It’s about you and what makes you happy.

Fuck what everyone else does.

I am a real home bird and love spending time with my family.

I don’t party or have millions of friends round or go out for cocktails etc

I do what I want and hate all the pretentious bollocks that comes with all that crap

Bugger off

Us too- we love walking 😁

We don't have many friends and family are close enough that we see them regularly throughout the year so they don't have to come and stay over and neither do we need a big get-together so no, our Xmas holiday is just like an extended time off work with a bit of a "do" in the middle. Tbh having to go to lots of parties and social events would do my tits in.

“It’s about you and what makes you happy.”

Well yes but staying in doing nothing DOESN’T make me happy. I like going out and seeing people sometimes. We have other hobbies and do a lot but I’d also like to just go out and chat and stuff too.

We live 200miles from family which we see as a blessing. We had visitors a week before Christmas (small doses are ideal) and the kids had parties etc. I even asked a few friends over one afternoon. The house is spic and span.

Since the kids broke up I've been supermarket shopping a handful of times and the kids swimming with their Dad. We have been nowhere really, today I haven't even got dressed. I've really enjoyed the lazy days, slow cooker on. Nibbling at the Christmas stash. Films and board games. No pressure no stress. Tomorrow will be our first and last outing of the festive period when we go to the pantomime.

Years ago we drove 200 miles with young children there and back, played ping pong from one relative to the next trying to please everyone but ourselves. Sleeping on sofas and floors. Smoke filled houses! Late nights. We were like zombies and every year regretted it.

Our Christmas is our own now.

Yeah, we’ve been out loads as a family and separately over Xmas. Party tomorrow too. Many people go out

If you want things to change OP you will have to put yourself out there. I think of it a bit like dating. It’s really hard and not everyone will want to go out or see you again but you might meet someone amazing!

I am really (some would say overly) forward with arranging things and trying to make friends. I will happily set up group chats, messages etc asking if people want to go out. Usually with kids as trying to organise child free nights out just pisses people off at first. I got to know some of my mum friends by asking the nursery staff who my kids’ friends’ parents were and keeping in touch with who I clicked with. I am usually, although these days not always, the one who organises nights out.

I don’t stalk people but I do put a lot of work into it at first. Hopefully people don’t find me too annoying and I would never ask more than once if people want to meet up. I also do view school events as social occasions as you can chat to other parents.

I also love my own company though. Totally appreciate it probably depends on where you live as to whether this would work and loads of people on here would hate my approach!

I do what I want and hate all the pretentious bollocks that comes with all that crap I’m not sure that socialising can be dismissed as pretentious bollocks and crap. People have enjoyed doing it for millennia....

rainbow I know but having suffered with social anxiety/depression for years, it is hard to get started at times. Living in a big city doesn’t help.

I am going to try harder though.

I wouldn’t say I had social anxiety but I am actually quite shy and really overthink things. People usually think I am really confident until they get to know me. Even then they don’t often believe that I am shy.

It’s all just acting and forcing myself to do it at first.

Up until this year we had no gatherings at all; no works parties as Im a carer at home, extended family lived 100 miles away and despite us offering to have them stay with us for a few days they couldnt be arsed to ever visit us. Then we moved to be neared to eldest DD so we have had them round Christmas Eve and visited them on Boxing Day, plus we're at theirs tomorrow for a party. We still trailed back on a 7 hour round trip to see siblings and mum for 2 hours, we didn't even get offered a cup of coffee, let alone a mince pie! I wished wed have more places to visit and parties to get ready for but it wasnt to be. Now Im at an age where Im happy with the company of my kids and Grandchild, the rest can go fuck themselves. Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant!

Anyone else desperate for rainbow to be their friend?! I love people like her!

Awww Calledyou . I don’t always manage it. I’ve had 2 occasions recently where I should have spoken to people and just couldn’t get the words out / find the right time / figure out what to say.

Also not feeling like my own friend this morning. Have people coming round in an hour. I only know one of the parents well enough to have them over when the house is a total mess and no food ready so need to run around and make things presentable in this hour.

House not tidy enough. Only one child dressed. Not prepped any food yet. Wondering why I didn’t suggest meeting elsewhere???!!!!!

rainbow no offence but there is a world of difference between shyness that you can just push through and social anxiety which is an illness that often means you can’t even leave the house/hold down a job etc.

I am mostly over it now but it is not as easy as ‘just pushing through’.

Fair point.

Love how a thread about feeling a bit lonely and isolated over Christmas gets comments by those who *aren’t lonely and *have been invited to parties and get-togethers but are now socially worn out
Could only happen on mumsnet !

kat haha, well, yes, I didn’t like to say.

Gosh darling you just don’t know how exhausting it is!! I WISH I could just sit around for the next year watching tv and eating crisps!!!

@katerinablum66 Sorry but the original post was not about feeling lonely and isolated. It didn’t mention anything like that. It asked the question - is everyone really out every night of the week?

gimme read the room.