Why don't I like people?

[Yellowsubmarine79]

So full disclosure, I'm drunk. But this is genuinely how I feel and need options from outsiders because I'm in a very bad place mentally right now.

I am mid 30s, suffered with depression and anxiety for at least the last 10, and I've realised today that I don't like people, or being around them, or listening to them drone on about shit that, in my (wrong) opinion, is not important (what happened at work/with people I don't know etc) I love my friends and family very much, but will push them away at every opportunity and it tends to be everyone else that arranges to see me because my confidence is so low I think nobody wants to spend time with me, despite them telling me differently.
I go through phases where I really make an effort but then I hit a low and don't want to see or talk to anyone.
I am surrounded by people who love to talk about anything and everything and I get jealous/think that there is something wrong with me because I'm not the same.
I also have a bad relationship with alcohol (as does my whole family).
I feel hopeless and don't know how to get out of this rut.
My question is, has anyone else got any at from feeling like this and what helped the most?
I've had counselling and am on medication which both help, but not enough and I can't continue this way 😩

Sorry and thanks in advance.

I drink to blot the bad memories out. The rapes, the abuse. Sorry for being so dark.

Deg, you need to be careful with drinking to forget. I eat to forget and I'm five stone overweight! But you need to feel the pain and let yourself grieve. I spent four years avoiding feeling it and I made myself feel ill with depression and anxiety and I've got very overweight. You have to listen to yourself and learn to feel the pain and anger to move on. It's very difficult. 💐

I know I do.

I feel the same. I've been hurt so much I don't trust any more and think most people are being false a lot of the time, saying stuff to put themselves in a good light.

I keep to myself, it's best. I also watch and listen closely to new people so when I see a trait, an indication of character I don't like, I'm gone. I just bother with a few people, close family .

I find people hard work.for example, I cringe if I see a msg on messenger or any of these things because I always imagine someone wanting something.

I am on the spectrum which may explain it...I generally just want to be left alone. It's not that I vehemently dislike people, I just CBA with them.

I try to get up super early so shops etc are nice and quiet.

For you Yellowsubmarine and everyone else on this kind and empathetic thread.

I find 'people' generally hard work too. You are clearly not alone though, which is something positive.

I am in tears reading your replies. I totally expected to be told I am miserable and a horrible person. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and reply. I have woken up (a little hungover) but feeling a little less alone in this world.

For you, Deg

Thanks

I have just been googling the best drugs to overdose on. What is wrong with me 😔 why can't I just be normal 😢

You need immediate help then OP. Be mindful that if this turns into a suicide planning thread then MNHQ will delete it, perhaps open another in mental health x

Thanks for the advice. I'm definitely not going to do it as my dd is here. I will seek help x

That was a stupid thing to say/do. I have messaged my sister and she is on her way to keep me company x

If it helps I feel exactly the same as you, the time of year doesn't help, I feel totally alone and isolated but also am driven to isolate myself.
I don't know what the answer is, but hope you find it. And if you do, do tell me

Oh trust me, I will!

Just spoke to samaritans and feel tonnes better. Nice to speak to someone who just listens and doesn't feel the need to tell what I'm doing wrong.