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Original poster

Why don't I like people?

65 replies

Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 18:00

So full disclosure, I'm drunk. But this is genuinely how I feel and need options from outsiders because I'm in a very bad place mentally right now.

I am mid 30s, suffered with depression and anxiety for at least the last 10, and I've realised today that I don't like people, or being around them, or listening to them drone on about shit that, in my (wrong) opinion, is not important (what happened at work/with people I don't know etc) I love my friends and family very much, but will push them away at every opportunity and it tends to be everyone else that arranges to see me because my confidence is so low I think nobody wants to spend time with me, despite them telling me differently.
I go through phases where I really make an effort but then I hit a low and don't want to see or talk to anyone.
I am surrounded by people who love to talk about anything and everything and I get jealous/think that there is something wrong with me because I'm not the same.
I also have a bad relationship with alcohol (as does my whole family).
I feel hopeless and don't know how to get out of this rut.
My question is, has anyone else got any at from feeling like this and what helped the most?
I've had counselling and am on medication which both help, but not enough and I can't continue this way 😩

Sorry and thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Herja · 28/12/2018 19:57

I don't like people. I like a few specific people, some of the time. I don't actually see this as a problem. I'm perfectly able to interact with people in a polite and friendly fashion if I'm required to, I just don't like it. Do you actually want to like people OP?

70sbaubles · 28/12/2018 19:57

Feel the same x

Original poster
Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 19:58

wowserme that's what I have done, i hate myself but at the same time I dont care which is horrible xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 20:01

herja yes that's the worst thing, I want to like people, and I am fully capable of pretending to. Nobody has any idea that I hate being around people until I tell them. Nobody has a clue that I'm depressed until I tell thegood at hiding it apparently xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 20:03

broom I can relate to your post so much 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 20:05

Love to everyone who feels the same xxxx

OP posts:
BroomHandledMouser · 28/12/2018 20:08

2019 Gin

Tink1990 · 28/12/2018 20:15

I also feel like this! I really dont like anyone. I find people bitchy, selfish and spiteful. There are very few people in my life i find to be ok. I thought it was just me who felt like this i really did Sad.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 28/12/2018 20:21

I could have written your post as well. I am planning dry January. I'm also autistic, is that a possibility, do you think?

mountainlakes · 28/12/2018 20:34

I'm autistic too! I find small talk boring and exhausting. I have to remind myself that this is how neurotypicals bond.

Original poster
Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 20:37

I do think I may be a little autistic, but when I ask people they say im being ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowsubmarine79 · 28/12/2018 20:39

Thanks so much for replying I feel a bit more normal!!

OP posts:
Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 28/12/2018 20:42

I can do small talk etc but I need alone time afterwards.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 28/12/2018 20:42

And I like people, but I find it draining to be around a lot of people for an extended period of,time

Wowserme · 28/12/2018 20:48

I have zero tolerance of people, I see a negative trait in them and then that’s i repel!!!
I generally do not have any time for anyone. I think I’m super sensitive and possibly depressed.
All I know is that I’m very unhappy and don’t want to feel like this anymore. 😩

Wowserme · 28/12/2018 20:50

I agree it’s reassuring that it’s not just me that feels this way but it’s also incredibly sad that so many do.
Sending a big group hug to you all x

Tink1990 · 28/12/2018 20:51

^^this is me too! One wrong move and i totally dont wanna know them. I also feel sad just now with noone to turn to.

Wowserme · 28/12/2018 20:53

Do any of you have any idea why you feel this way? X

MiniMum97 · 28/12/2018 20:54

I don't like many people. I also don't trust them either. Anyone really. It's sad. I have a chronic health condition and since this started all the "friends" I did have have fallen away. I am desperately lonely but socialising when feeling unwell is too exhausting. I found it exhausting anyway and it's too much when also feeling fatigued. I also hate small talk and talking on the phone.

Wowserme · 28/12/2018 20:56

I’ve had so many health issues and scares this year... 2 unrelated cancer scares with a third on going one.
I wonder if it’s because I know I won’t make old bones therefore can’t be bothered to deal with anyone’s shit.
But I’ve gone to the extreme and now I’m dismissing my family. I will literally have no one left in my life.

MiniMum97 · 28/12/2018 21:00

@wowserne my son is autistic so sometimes think that may be the issue for me in terms of relationships and liking others - along with feeling physically unwell it's all too difficult.

I also worked with a counsellor recently and talked about attachment theory. I appear to have developed a disorganised attachment style. My mum (single mother no siblings) was abused and had mental health issues so did her best but has attachment issues herself (and is likely undiagnosed ASC) and was critical and very inconsistent. I was also bullied very badly at school. Learned really not to trust or like people.

MiniMum97 · 28/12/2018 21:01

I too dismiss anyone who makes one wrong move.

OpalIridescence · 28/12/2018 21:08

I'm sorry for your loss and that you are feeling unhappy.

I am from a huge family and after Christmas feel utterly, utterly exhausted.

I can be around people but need quiet time to myself to recharge. I cannot stand being in a room where multiple conversations are happening, it makes me panic.

As I have got older I think self acceptance has helped. Some people like to be around others all the time and like to have busy social diaries. I really don't so I have learned to say no to things I don't want to attend instead of trying to force myself into being a different person.

I have a core of people who I enjoy but even then I have to withdraw for a rest.

There really isn't any reason you have to like alot of people or force yourself to pretend. Don't waste precious time trying to fit a mold that isn't you.

Itsacakebaby · 28/12/2018 21:12

I want you to know that you are not alone and don't feel bad for feeling this way. I too have depression and am on ads (low dosage) but know I drink too much. I find people exhausting too. Even Christmas Day was a drain although I was with close family. Having to make conversation seemed so draining. I love my own company and I can really relate to how you feel when you're with people who are just talking for the bloody sake of it (and talking mainly crap!!). I can't really give you any advice but I just feel as long as I'm not rude I should just be myself. Mind you, it's taken me along time for me to be true to myself. Flowers

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 28/12/2018 21:16

@Wowserme yes it's blindingly obvious I'm autistic. (or have aspergers under the old guidelines). I have severe executive dysfunction and always have. The only reason I managed 2 degrees is my incredible memory; I can remember being two years old. I can remember how I thought, I remember hearing on the news John Lennon was shot. This unnerves people and they tend not to believe me.