Would you have another child if you were me?

[candleabraaa]

I'm a SAHM. 2 DC. Don't own any property. Don't have a good career behind me.

DH is in the military. We have £20k in savings and have around £1300 a month after bills are paid off but we are in military housing so paying a small amount in rent.

It's only a thought at the moment but want some opinions on whether another child would be a good/bad idea? Thanks.

I'm 30, meant to mention that.

Supposing it’s twins?

Do you want another ? I knew I wasn't done until I had 3. If the answer is yes I would crack on while you have a low rent and DH in the army. Once he's out and you are either in private rent (£££££££) Or Mortgage it will be much harder to afford childcare. Get babies out the way and then get back to work and some financial independence ASAP.

We both really want another but would also hate to get in over our heads and lot be able to offer them a good way of life.

Not many replies to go off 👎🏻

Last ditch attempt at getting some more replies 🙏🏼

No, I wouldn't. You currently don't have the means to support the two you have yourself should anything happen to your relationship etc.

Three children and two adults on one salary is a huge burden. When he leaves and you have to pay realistic rent their quality of life will likely be drastically reduced.

With 20k savings and £1300 left as disposable Income at the end of the month I would. You're in better position than most people!

Well, on a practical note, have you thought about housing entitlement? For example, will you be entitled to a 4 bed, or 3? Your children will have to share a bedroom until a certain age etc if not entitled. Are you posting anytime soon? Will you be using the CEA for any of your dc’s education?

Realistically if you want another baby, and can afford it then why not? If you’re not sure then I would look at what life will be like throughout the next 18 years, and take a look at some of the JSPs to see if you will get any additional support

If you want another and are not struggling at the moment then yes, do it now while your rent is low and you can continue with childcare. It will change once your OH leaves his job, more rent etc. so if you can afford it now then go for it. You will always find a way to manage. Meanwhile also think about what you’d like to do as a career and make some small steps towards that so when DCs are in school you already have an idea and/or some qualifications.

Depends on what your definition of offering a good way of life is. If you're talking a private education for all and regular holidays abroad and all the latest tech then you may struggle. Otherwise, assuming your DP has no immediate plans to leave the military and your relationship is strong then it sounds like you're in a better position than many to go for a third.

I would consider what happens when all three are school aged and when DP would be looking to retire from the military. I know this caused problems in my parent's relationship as my mum didn't have the confidence/skills to get back into the workplace once her 3 kids were old enough to fend for themselves after school and my dad resented being the sole bread winner.

No way!! But I am done with two so I couldn’t possibly even think of advising someone to have a third!

How long has your DH got left in the army? How good a pension will he receive if he serves for as long as he can? I would probably go for it as you’re young enough to study or learn new skills and get yourself earning again in the future.

No, honestly it'll mean a lot less for your other DC. You'll need a bigger home, car etc. You'll forever be restricted on holidays etc.

Obv you CAN afford it because everyone does in the end but I'd ask myself why.

Why would 3 be better than 2? Why do you feel the need for another? How old are your children?

3 seems impractical for so many reasons. I look at my 2 and how lovely they are together and cute too and think aw I'd love another but I know we can give them a better life as we are

No

My friend told me if I feel like I'm not done (I have 2 already) then just do to it and don't think about it. Funnily enough I have just found out I am pregnant

It depends on how long your DH has left in the army.

As a PP said if you both really want another, have one now whilst you live a lower cost military life and then you can return to work when the children are older in order to pay for private rent etc

Personally we stopped at two because we knew having to move a lot for work and having no family locally meant it would be hard to meet the needs of 3 (hard enough flying alone with 2 small kids to see their grandparents). Also you could like us have a child with additional needs, not easy to balance the different needs of my two! Only you know how you cope and also your dh's job prospects on leaving the military - few stay in past 4 or so

Are you planning to stay as a SAHM? If you want a third, I would. Three worked well practically for me (so well I had a fourth). Four is a different story.

What's his career plan? How much longer has he got left in? £1300 disposable income is good but £20k is going to diminish in value if you aren't topping it up well while paying dead rent. This is the reason we bought (military family too) but now with a mortgage our disposable income is much reduced and a 3rd child is off the table, and that's with me having a good career. Bigger families seem common in the military, I guess due to the lower outgoings, but I suppose you just need to ask yourselves what your long term plans are?

Children become very expensive, in the last year I’ve bought DC1 a house - a cheap one with a mortgage but none the less it’s my name on the paperwork and 10% deposit I had to find - and DC2 a car because my ex thinks it’s acceptable for two girls to walk 20 mins at 6am to get to the train station for school. DC3 will probably need private education, DC4 definitely will.
It’s a marathon not a sprint

@5fivestar oh crap if I was supposed to buy them houses I wouldn't of had any at all ha!

In your shoes I wouldn't have a third.

I'd use the £20k as a house deposit and rent the house out with the income in your name to use up your tax free allowance. Enjoy the two kids you have and look forward to settling down in your own home one day.

Don't do it. Two is manageable, three changes the dynamic and you will be spread more thinly. And speaking as ex army, it's a bloody big shock to go back to private rentals!! If you can, start saving into a LISA now, with a view to buying in the medium future. The more you can deposit, the lower your monthly mortgage bill will be.That's before surveys, solicitor fees and stamp duty! At 30 you are in a good position to start looking at your career again - consider starting a self employed business that you can do with the postings. My mother was a mobile hairdresser, I still work from home,freelancing on the internet. Distance learning is another thought: especially if the kids go to school. Savings are good, but they are no substitute for a good job against life changes such as death, divorce or disability. I hope these circumstances will never happen to you, but even the more cheerful expenses such as university, cars and housing help for kids are more manageable on two incomes.