Would you have another child if you were me?

[candleabraaa]

I'm a SAHM. 2 DC. Don't own any property. Don't have a good career behind me.

DH is in the military. We have £20k in savings and have around £1300 a month after bills are paid off but we are in military housing so paying a small amount in rent.

It's only a thought at the moment but want some opinions on whether another child would be a good/bad idea? Thanks.

Use as much of the £1300 disposable income to boost your deposit money rather than,having another baby. I would use that disposable money to do an open university course if I were you. Educate yourself now for a professional career now while money isn't too much of an issue. That way you can support the family that you have when your partner retrains after leaving the military.

You also have to think of a contingency plan if your 3rd child has SEND. One of my dc has SEND which meant I gave up working full time and have recently gone back to p/t work after a five year break. My life as a parent of a child with SEND is different, I have hospital apts left right & centre. If your partner is away on duty, who would be your practical support if you're at a hospital apt. These things aren't easy and something to consider.

How old are your two DC?

DC are 5 & 2. DH will do about 10 more years in the military.

UserMe18 - it’s not compulsory but circumstances change, I was a right smug bastard when my kids were little, private schools, pony riding lessons, centre parks every year. Never thought for a moment ex would be shagging around before the ink was dry on the wedding thank you cards 🙄

Suddenly on you’re own with 3 or 4 children, it’s challenging to say the least and I did have a good education and solid career history behind me.

I would. That's a good age gap and you can clearly afford it. If you want another go for it.

Hi. Well I had another baby at 42, after a miscarriage. Before that I only had DS who is now 23 at uni. I brought him up on my own from age one after he & his dad split due to abuse. It was very hard & I struggled with depression pretty much all way through.

Back to present. We have no savings, Dp is just divorced after a long marriage & has quite a few children (some adult) with ex wife. He has no access to them as she won't allow it & basically lied saying he was abusive etc, so courts believed her over DP & that was that. He is a good man hard working & not abusive in the slightest. We will have been together 3 yrs next may, our son turns 1 in January.
I have a job in care, its low paid & I don't enjoy it anymore but I do like working as always have.

Point is, did I really think through the impact of having another child? Er no.
I don't regret him he is a wonderful joy in our lives, & yes we have /probably will struggle on future but we are strong as a couple & we will be ok.
You as the woman will be the main one who is affected, has to carry, give birth, & do most care giving so are you prepared to do that & to give up things that can't do with a little one, unless a babysitter of course! You don't have to not go out for rest of your life altho it sometimes feels like it

Just my two penny's worth. Gd luck in your future whatever you decide. Xxc

@candleabraaa so you need to think about what you're going to do in 10 years time, if you're not really topping up that £20k well you could find yourself priced out of the property market in 10 years. I wouldn't see that £1300 as disposable, you need to be investing part of it one way or another. We bought at this posting and will rent it out on future postings if we choose to go, otherwise house prices were outstripping what we were saving. Obviously you've got a lot of "head" responses to what is essentially a heart decision, but I think if going for a third you must think ahead those 10 years first, barring in mind the expense of teenage years. Also are you happy to not have a career? There's no reason you have to choose between career and SAHM military wife.

Depends on what job prospects your DH has when he leaves the army also... a lot end up in relatively unskilled low paying work which combined with rent/mortgage and 3 kids will be a struggle.

I wouldn’t have another. I’d concentrate on upskilling yourself, investing the disposable income you have, and think about the relatively great, comfortable life you’ll have in 10 years, kids almost grown up, decent investment income, 2 wages coming in, nice holidays, time together, no school runs. Oh yes that would be my choice every day of the week!

Yes I would. You can basically afford it ans I don’t over think these things.

Yes. You really want one and it sounds like you can afford one, I think you’d regret it later if you didn’t go for it

What do you class as disposable.

For us disposable is what's left after mortgage and all house related bills, money for cars, children's pot for clothes, school, pots for holiday, Christmas, birthday and savings - for general expenses and savings for longer term. Taking out weekly food budget etc as well.

What left after all of that is our disposable income which would then get fed back into our pots. We also budget weekly for outings etc and petrol. It's all nailed down.

So realistically what is your disposable income

Yes. Assuming you are saving the majority of the ‘spare’ money for property once DH leaves the military.

If you have 20k in savings, why not use some as a deposit.

I want a third but can’t have one so I say go for it helpful

Oh and yes def buy a house with that 20k and use the rent to pay the mortgage/rebuild nest egg