Son finds it difficult having posh and not posh sides to the family?

[arrian]

Hello, hope you are all having a good christmas. Just had an interesting conversation with 18 yo ds in the car home from relatives.

He was saying he finds it really difficult having two very different sides to the family
. I think it’s exaggerated, or more obvious by the fact that he saw both my family and dh family today.

I was brought up on a council estate, went off to university, got myself a fairly good professional job. I am much better off now than when I was growing up. My sisters didn’t move from the town.
My parents are both very through and through normal caring working class.

My DS adores his grandparents, but complains they’re a bit boring sometimes. They’re your stereotypical northern, ex-miner brexit voter. Even in my view, quite close minded, but still lovely as family.

DH on the other hand has had a very different upbringing. He went to a top boarding school, and comes from a family that has always had a fair amount of money. His family are very educated, professionals and spread all over the world.

My DS is more like my husband, as he was brought up in a stable home in a nice area and we both had decent jobs. He is currently at Cambridge, following the foot steps of many of his paternal family members and so has a good topic to chat about.

In my eyes, I’d deffo say that DH was a posh git.

My son has told me that he finds it difficult moving from one social setting to the next.

He gets funny looks from my side if he uses a long word, drinks wine, or offers an opinion on something in the news etc. They’ll make half joking comments about him being posh. My dh plays it down completely, and imitates their behavior.
Yet my son said it’s not fair that he should put a false face on.

Don’t get me wrong, he has a great laugh with my family, yet says they’re “boring” and finds conversation to be quite uninteresting; “sandra from the shop is going to Salou, she said it’s lovely”.

It doesn’t help that my parents hate my in laws with a passion, as they think they’re snooty, and will always have more money to spend on gifts, meals out.

My friend’s son is at Newcastle BikeRunSki and has met a few hooray Henrys. Unfortunately the ones he came across were very snooty about his Barnsley accent.

More fool them. I can’t stand that attitude.
.

I can imagine exactly the kind of person you mean; they were no less snobby 20 years ago.

One of them was actually called Julian

Well, my dad is a Doctor of Physics and dresses in a suit everyday, even though he works from home and reads the FT.
But he lives on a rough council estate and his house is a hoarders paradise.
On the other hand FIL is very working class, but now lives in a posh part of Bristol and his house is immaculate.
My DDs are not confused by it all. Some people seems to be so 'hung up' on class.
This is the 21st Century people!

And my dad chooses to live where he is because he can't stand the so called 'upper class'.

"They were extremely locked into their own rituals and routines and hugely incurious about their children's lives"

That is so sad to read Harriet. I wish I was less curious about DD's life. I would worry about her less. We are a small and scattered family, and I want DD to feel safe and secure in her life - education, lifestyle choices, friendships etc. I try not to be over involved, but I can at least say that I am not at all uncurious.

This is for anyone who feels a little inferior because, like Prince Harry they didn't go to

Waves sympathetically at isitmybathyet. Like a lot of these things I've learned to live with it. The time of year brings back old memories and also my daughter graduated in the summer - so perhaps I've been in the past a bit more usual.

And my dad chooses to live where he is because he can't stand the so called 'upper class'

But that sounds like your dad is “hung up” on class.

Judging anyone for their actual or perceived class is silly.

My friend’s son is at Newcastle BikeRunSki and has met a few hooray Henrys. Unfortunately the ones he came across were very snooty about his Barnsley accent.

My friend’s son is at Newcastle and he’s met a few other students. They wrote him off immediately and sneered at him because they perceived him to be ‘posh’.

Bearded mum I didn’t say one side was more real . Real families are diverse . Just like the world is diverse .

I have a family that are split like this also. One side is upper-middle class whilst my other half is working class.

My dads side of the family are exceptionally wealthy, private schooled entrepreneurial types who have travelled the world and experienced many different cultures. My other side of the family do not have the means to travel the world and their outlook is different.

Growing up I always wanted to do well in school and became a lawyer. Dads side of the family were thrilled but my mums side of the family didn’t like it so much and commented that my accent had changed and I was now ‘posh’ (I’m really not!). I always felt like my mums family had a bit of a chip on their shoulders and rather than be happy for me they were pretty negative about my career progression etc.

I don’t think your son is snooty in the slightest he just has more in common with the one side rather than the other

The worst snobs in my family are by far the inverted ones, talking about people getting above themselves but also really really lovely. But I feel for the son being made to feel different by things out of his control.

Your parents shouldn't make him feel like this!

Loving the inference in the thread of your typical brexit voter, uneducated, poor and northern. Not like the educated guardian reading superior mumsnetter.

Reading one paper and gleaning all the your knowledge from it is in itself a very narrow minded thing to do. That goes agaisnt general education which is research and looking at all different sources. (sp) 😂😂

“I thought one of the points of going to University was to broaden your outlook and learn how to interact and get on with everyone, regardless of background?”

Why would you think that? University can help broaden your horizons if your social milieu does not already include exposure to a wide variety of professional occupations and academic perspectives but there’s not a lot about university that would help with learning how to interact and get on with everyone regardless of background. It would be quite extraordinary if it managed that given that they are such selective institutions.

After the war with the grammar school system it helped a bunch of lower middle class kids get into uni who otherwise would have struggled and a few of the very clever working class who wouldn’t have stood a chance. Oxbridge was a bit more mixed then and the red brick expansion helped open many more places but it was still very much screwed to the richer half of society and was hardly a diverse mix of people. But then it’s supposed to be an academic institution, not a socialist finishing school.

Dear god. The pompous class obsessed dickery on here really spoils Mumsnet.

I wasn't referring to the Oxbridge set. There are other universities. Silly me thinking uni may help people become more rounded and tolerant human beings not full of their own self importance.

The OP is about a man who goes to Oxbridge, so if you weren't referring to the Oxbridge set how was your comment relevant? But in any case, the other universities aren't particularly diverse either. People tend to go to universities that serve others from their social class. And there is still nothing about the vast majority of university courses that is designed to teach people to get on with people.