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Original poster

Anybody else have a sulky tween?

42 replies

PrinceCaspian12 · 25/12/2018 20:59

Please tell me it gets better! DS11 has always been a handful but now he's turning into a hormonal nightmare. Every day he sulks, has sarcastic answers to everything, is obnoxious to his younger siblings, bursts into tears when I won't do as he wants, doesn't want to to anything unless it involves me driving him somewhere and spending money on him. All he wants to do is sit on a screen or talk at us about what he wants to buy next. Not that he has any money, he just relentlessly badgers DH until he gives in and buys it.

I'm at a loss of what to do, we've signed him up to sports clubs and extra curricula activities, every single time he will "injure" himself and get subbed off. His mate's are all useless, none of them want to do anything other than come over and play on their devices - they're not even playing the same game! Just come round to use the wifi really . I don't want to spend the next 8 years dealing with this behaviour, how do I nip it in the bud?? People who have been here before, what did you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
PrinceCaspian12 · 25/12/2018 21:07

My knee jerk reaction is to ban all screens until his attitude improves but DH believes that will just make him worse. I feel like he's bored and acting out because of that, but he resists anything that requires effort!

OP posts:
Emilydickensonsdogs · 25/12/2018 21:10

I FEEL YOUR PAIN! Can’t help you as I am in the same predicament. Gin, that’s the only way to go.

Original poster
PrinceCaspian12 · 25/12/2018 21:15

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! He's always been so reasonable, even though he was strong willed, he's always given everything 100%. Now it's like he's been possessed by a sulky petulant demon brat, I hate it! Wouldn't mind him being moody if he was still being active and productive in his life, but he's just become awful 😔

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Families
PowerPantsRule · 25/12/2018 22:07

My 11 year old has changed overnight into Kevin The Teenager. He has phases of being his usual lovely self and then has these really weird full on meltdowns over NOTHING. They remind me of toddler tantrums. I hope someone comes along and tells us it gets better!

Goposie · 25/12/2018 22:11

Same here. Here for the advice. Don’t fancy another six years of this. Used to look at friends with teens and wonder how they put up with it. Would also like to nip it in the bud

Original poster
PrinceCaspian12 · 25/12/2018 23:22

I swear other friends tweens haven't been this bad, with the exception of two who have been this horrible and the parents have just shrugged and excused the behaviour have ended up with delinquent teens! Would very much lile to avoid that!

OP posts:
IWantMyHatBack · 25/12/2018 23:28

I have one of these as well. He's mostly OK, but increasingly turning into a hormonal sulk beast

Flower777 · 25/12/2018 23:28

Eek my DS turns 11 soon 🙈

doodleygirl · 25/12/2018 23:31

Remove screens and parent your kid

IWantMyHatBack · 25/12/2018 23:39

@doodleygirl

Ok. Screens gone. Parenting tips VERY VERY welcome here. Seriously.

losenotloose · 26/12/2018 00:00

Sounds just like my 12 year old, prince. He was particularly sulky today which really pissed me off as he should be more grateful.

doodleygirl · 26/12/2018 00:09

Go cold turkey with screens, give boundaries and have rules, it really does make a difference.

BobLemon · 26/12/2018 00:17

Does he do any household jobs? Can he cook? At 11 and 12 ours are shockingly handy. They like doing stuff with us, so DS11 was my kitchen assistant at breakfast, making both scrambled and poached eggs. He was pretty pleased with himself which set him up for a nice day :)

BobLemon · 26/12/2018 00:19

Admittedly, he did have to cook alone for a little bit because I was hugging DD12 who was crying for no reason. Literally none, apart from the awful process of puberty.

Drogosnextwife · 26/12/2018 00:21

I hear you OP i have a ds10 and he is exactly the same,its driving me mad and i fins it very upsetting because my kively little boy seems to have disapeared. He was such a lovely polite child. Even worse is his 5 year ild brothe has started copying his behaviour.

Drogosnextwife · 26/12/2018 00:22

Ahh typos ffs! Sorry.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/12/2018 00:26

Extra curriculars and chores. Don't ban screens but have strict limits and only allow them after homework and chores are done. Make it really clear that everything is a privilege, so everything can be withdrawn and have clear rules around what is zero tolerance (for eg violence towards siblings).

Aside from that, loads of patience and understanding. This stuff is hard. If you watched my Ds closely at this age you would see how frightened he was of his outbursts. He didn't plan them, couldn't control them. So needed support and understanding to deal with them.

Original poster
PrinceCaspian12 · 26/12/2018 00:28

He cooks dinner one night a week, will mow lawns if asked, empties dishwasher and is in charge of folding and putting away his own laundry, including stripping his bed and putting clean sheets on once week. We have parented him! Really well, I thought, that's why I'm flabbergasted at the moody sulky lump he's becoming! Is this just something we have to accept? I can understand the moodiness, it's the constant answering back, picking fihhts and being surly with his younger siblings I've got zero patience for. Any attempt to pull him up on this behaviour just causes him to flounce off in a strop, often crying. I feel like a horrible mother!

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FortunesFave · 26/12/2018 00:29

Oh yes! DD is ten...eleven in the spring and she's just like your DS. I think as well that this is one of the first years that they're not 'small' anymore and they notice Christmas changing slightly. It gets to them. I just shower mine with love.

Original poster
PrinceCaspian12 · 26/12/2018 00:31

Thank you Lonny, that's good advice. Would you consider extra curricular activities to be privileges? We have paid a lot to kit him out in the required sports gear, paid fees etc and every time without fail he feigns an injury as soon as he has to put effort in. Its so frustrating! He is such a capable lad, I suspect it's low self esteem causing it, but I don't know how to get around it.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 26/12/2018 08:26

Are all his extra curriculars sport? Maybe he just hates sport, but would enjoy a less physical hobby?

Original poster
PrinceCaspian12 · 26/12/2018 09:37

I guess we kind of went for sports as he's nicer to be around when he's physically tired! Have suggested other activities, drama, music etc but he's just not interested.

OP posts:
yomellamoHelly · 26/12/2018 09:54

We enforced screen breaks. Still have to at times now, but he will take himself off and do something else of his own volition from time to time. And because he's had to do it for years he knows he has to do it / accepts it. (Is 15 though.) Think what you're describing is very common though.

yomellamoHelly · 26/12/2018 09:56

He also knows that socialising counts too, so does that too when the chance provides itself. (Which I love as he retreats to his cave at every opportunity.)

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/12/2018 12:46

I think the sport thing is really hard actually because it's impossible to unpick what's moodiness, loss of interest because of moodiness, actual loss of interest or confidence, desire to retreat to the teenage cave, etc.

I would maybe cut them town to 2 or 3 activities and talk about making a commitment to team, coach, whatever. The selected activities then become non-negotiable, ie not a privilege, but within them you still have natural consequences. So if he fakes an injury and is sent off, he has to stay for the remainder of the game or session (cos it's non-negotiable) but suffer being bored and cold (because that's the natural consequence of coming off). Obviously that's going to be frustrating for you to watch but I think compromising on the number of activities but not how they're done might be an approach to try, if that makes sense?