Worried sick- how will we cope

[HowWillWe]

I shouldn't have checked today of all bloody days but I've just done a pregnancy test which came back positive. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck I am grateful but I am utterly worried sick. I don't know what has gone wrong. I've been on the pill since last child. 18m ago.

We are utterly skint. I cannot afford this child. And I cannot terminate. Please don't tell me to do that. I respect whatever a woman chooses but personally it would affect my mental health. We won't be getting any help from the government as tax credits are only for 2kids. Thanks Tories for that. I'm fucked.

I already do every single fucking money saving tip under the sun. I budget. I buy second everything. I shop in the cheapest places. We are just about getting by ok with the minimum.

Please tell me I'll be ok. Dh is still in bed and clueless. I don't want to tell him today as he will be worrying ss much as I and I don't want this to shadow Xmas day. I don't even want to think about Xmas next year. My house is too small. I can't afford to move. We'll need a bigger car. I can't afford it. I want to cry.

How many children do you already have?

You will just manage. Families back in the day managed with 6 kids and no tax credits. Instead of having 2 new t-shirts for summer etc your children will just have to have 1. That kind of thing. X

You will be ok. Do you have all teh baby stuff still from previous DC? There is money saved.
We got gifted laods of baby stuff, which was lucky as ds is a weed.
Congrats on your news and I hope it works out for you!

Well there’s nothing you can do about it today so try to put all those thoughts to one side for now. Enjoy today with your family. Talk about it again in a few days when you have some clear time

You don't need a bigger house or car. You can manage people always did and do.

Look forward hopefully OP. Trust in life, it'll be alright.

Oh op. Didn’t want to read and run
I agree with pp -enjoy today you can give this headspace in a few days
People are often very kind and give you stuff if you’re in need. Also there’s free websites where people give things away
Do tell the midwife when you see her she might be able to point you towards the right help/ benefits / charities.

And mostly congrats on the pregnancy.

I had three and one small wage coming in. You will manage, I promise you. Your little one will bring you much joy and happiness. Please try and enjoy the new life growing inside you. ❤️

Have you kept things from your other children that you can use for the baby?
You’ll be ok 💕 try and enjoy Christmas today then you and OH can start to plan.

Instead of having 2 new t-shirts for summer etc your children will just have to have 1. Why do people write this rubbish? Many children don't get any new T-shirts for summer, especially if the parents are skint in the first place.
You don't need a bigger house or car. As above. If you're skint, you're not likely to be upgrading your accommodation in the first place and you probably don't have a car at all. Why are some posters so smug? And on Christmas Day as well.

Not the governments job to support your family size. Little poi blaming tej for this, they had no say.

If you can't cut back anymore then the only other option is to up your income. Your devision affects all the children not just the new addition.

This happened to me! Already had two children, got unlucky while on the pill somehow...
our "accident" is now 6 months old and like you I was terrified, and although money for a third has been the biggest struggle... he's amazing, he's completed my family and he makes everyone so happy. You will be fine, you will adjust. My great nans advice (she had 9 children!) was it's just another person to love.
It's made life hard in the same ways having a baby in any situation does, but I don't for a second regret getting pregnant, then deciding to keep him. It will all work out for you, sometimes things are just meant to be

It's a shock op. You will get used to the idea if there is no alternative for you. Hope your husband will be supportive. Think about ways of getting more money in, as well as spending less. Best wishes.

My mil had 7 kids, MIL & FIL didn’t work, they didn’t have a big enough car, or house, but it was a house filled with love when they were all young.

You will manage, you will find a way xx

OP you will cope - people do. Your children don’t need bigger cars and houses etc, it might be tight and u comfortable but they do remember love and companionship in childhood.

For today, pretend it is not happening - your period is simply late, or it is a rogue test, and just focus on your Christmas Day.

Oh OP, you'll be fine, it will work out, it always does. Aside from the money, what a lovely Christmas Day surprise

It will be ok people used to have about twelve kids on fuck all and they done ok, for the first 6 months it's milk only and you can get milk tokens for the milk etc or breastfeed I don't know if you do? Second hand clothes will be ok, you'll sort it out I've found after having two kids the third just fits itself in as normal

Somehow, you will manage. Yes, I mean it. I know people in exactly the same position as you who have managed. So please be strong.

Just make sure it doesn't happen again - sterilisation is the way forward after this one.

Don't let it spoil your Christmas.

daisypond the OP mentioned her house and car. I can assure you I'm not smug, far from it. I had my four DC on benefits/part time work and know all about making a budget streeeetch!

My 4th was in v similar circs to the Op and I was worried sick for the first year. But it was ok once I could get back to work. It was the ml that was the real struggle.

People do cope in your situation, but just remember that in your position you are still at a point where you have a choice. You know you won't get a benefit increase and that you will be in the same house. You also know that you are struggling right now and this will be worse with a third child.

Not everyone copes, not everyone's marriage survives the immense pressures our would both be under.

Just make sure you make an actual choice rather than letting time run out. Talk to your husband, you don't have to carry this alone. Take what control you can of the situation, I hope you don't keep this burden to yourself just because it's Christmas.

Do they still do milk tokens?

I didn’t have a third child because we thought we couldn’t afford it. I regret that even now I’m soon to be 60.
You’ll manage, try to be positive.

Thank you everyone. I told DH as I couldn't just keep it to myself and he was just like you all saying we'll be fine and it's such a brilliant surprise on Xmas day! This thread and talking to DH has really made me feel better.

We have 3 kids. Youngest is only 18m. I think the shock of it just made me panic. I was a bit late with my period and just knew something wasn't right but really thought nah it can't possibly be!

I have still got everything from baby. I was going to get rid of it all a while ago but so glad I didn't get round to it.

Shoot- I was looking forward to drinking lots of wine.