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Original poster

Batshit Christmas shit

56 replies

Cismyfatarse1 · 24/12/2018 22:27

Any Christmas madness. Just stick it here and help us all get through to the other side.

Mine.

Tonight at dinner (DH, MiL, 2 teens, me) we were talking about Scottish Universities and weighing up the different ones DD and a cousin are applying to.

DD mentioned Glasgow.

MiL, very conversationally just responded, "Glasgow is full of Jews."

WTAF.

And she just carried on calmly eating.

No reason to say that because a) it sounded pretty bloody racist / anti Semitic AND b) It is not.....

Anyone else feeling the crazy?

OP posts:
heather1 · 24/12/2018 22:30

My Dad has no filter. And I mean no filter. Yesterday he was telling my sister about the pains in his penis. He told me about his bowel accidents and medical procedures due to his bowels.
While I was eating my dinner. Plenty of details.
I’m sort of dreading tomorrow

Original poster
Cismyfatarse1 · 24/12/2018 22:30

Oh, and yes. I should have called her out and I sort of did by saying how important diversity is and how good to live in a city where all cultures and religions mix.

Not a bit slap down but she is 85.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cismyfatarse1 · 24/12/2018 22:31

Pains in the penis is making me giggle and snort my gin.

OP posts:
GhostSauce · 24/12/2018 22:52

Wouldn't be Christmas without a subtly racist family elder.

Turquoisetamborine · 24/12/2018 22:57

My French cousin visited us at Christmas a couple of years ago. He suffers from schizophrenia and does come out with odd things. He felt sitting round the dinner table with my stepmothers elderly parents was the time to bring up his recent gay experience with a Chinese man and asked my (married) brother if he’d come out yet.

dontneedthedrama · 24/12/2018 23:02

Wouldn't be Christmas without a subtly racist family elder.@GhostSauce like my in-laws so lovely but yes shocked at some of the comments thank goodness for alcohol Grin

GhostSauce · 24/12/2018 23:03

I miss DPs now dead very elderly auntie who used to sit farting at the dinner table, drink 3 bottles of wine, and declare us all boring and say all presents were rubbish.

She was hilarious and the highlight of my Christmas.

DuggeesWooOOooggle · 24/12/2018 23:05

Not my family but seen some frantic people posting in local Facebook groups this afternoon asking if anyone sells reindeer food as they've forgotten etc. More than one poster replied 'just use oats ffs' Hmm

All very dull here at the in laws. Nearly 9 year old nephew knows the truth about Santa already and it was just me trying to get 3 year old DS interested in putting out a carrot and mince pie etc. No one else seems remotely bothered. DH got the hint in the end and did it with us. No one's opened any booze yet and I didn't want to look like a pisshead by being the first (again). I am also noticing a distinct lack of party type nibbles/cheese etc and I suspect there will be no pigs in blankets tomorrow Sad

Christmas in our house again next year!

cheesenpickles · 24/12/2018 23:08

I forgot to buy Baileys Xmas Sad

motortroll · 24/12/2018 23:16

At in laws.

Mil hides everything in cupboards, including the quality street. Yesterday I was handed 3 quality street. Just 3. And I didn't even get to choose them!

Tonight my dh raided the cupboard lol

He often has to tell them how to behave with guests eg put the fucking heating on!!! (They're not poor btw before anyone suggests it!)

Original poster
Cismyfatarse1 · 26/12/2018 12:49

Last night's gem.

She is white British but spent time living in Africa. She was talking approvingly and telling as a sort of amusing cultural story about how women in Africa are cut and sewn up again. FGM, in other words.

In all ways she presents as a lovely, kind, sweet little old lady.

They are the ones to watch.....

OP posts:
Violetroselily · 26/12/2018 12:54

I've been at my mum's for the last few days and I'm agog at the stuff coming out of her mouth. This is a woman who lived in a multicultural part of London for 30 years and raised her children there.

Since retiring to middle England she's become the most xenophobic, islamaphobic, millennial-hating person I've ever met.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 12:59

"The trouble with politics is there are too many young people, we need more old people to stand as MPs."

Squirrel26 · 26/12/2018 13:04

Watching an old Queen concert on TV last night. My mum (about Freddie Mercury) ‘he just put too much into his music, didn’t he? That’s why he died so young.’ Hmm

Plaiceholder · 26/12/2018 13:10

Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs P. Holder. I didn't know this was or ever had been a thing. No recognition of DW's name (maiden or first)

I was shocked and flippantly said 'wow, which 18th century sexist sent this'. It was DW's father.

LostPlatypus · 26/12/2018 13:27

I spent Christmas on my own. My mum phoned me to complain that I never phone (she never phones me either, and when I phone she's always too busy to talk, which is why I don't bother); my brother didn't even send a card (he ignored my birthday too) and my dad gave me, well, I don't even know what it is as a present (see photo) - it's kinda creepy IRL.

Batshit Christmas shit
BWcastle2000 · 26/12/2018 13:48

LostPlatypus. I have no idea what that is but it needs to win some sort of prize for strangest gift of 2018.

SecretlyChartreuse · 26/12/2018 13:51

@LostPlatypus

Can we have some idea of scale to help you out?

HettySunshine · 26/12/2018 13:55

My usually fair mild mannered fan was watching Strictly at my in laws last night and described Aston Kutcher as 'the one who looks like a terrorist'.
I called her out on it but seriously, wtf is it about Christmas?!

HettySunshine · 26/12/2018 13:59

Sorry, that should be 'dm'.

LostPlatypus · 26/12/2018 14:04

BWcastle2000 Thanks! That is the only positive I've been getting from it!

@SecretlyChartreuse Photo with cat for scale (it's a little bit smaller than her).

Batshit Christmas shit
DamsonWhine · 26/12/2018 14:07

Yesterday my FIL ate dry muesli for breakfast. He doesnt like what I usually serve, but there was loads of other cereal, toast, marmalade etc.

This morning he ate his dry muesli from my favourite coffee cup. Wtf. Then he was defensive and rude when dh asked if he wanted a bowl ConfusedHmm

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 26/12/2018 14:12

I think that's meant to be a hedgehog.

Knitted out of blue tinsel, obviously. Xmas HmmXmas Hmm

RB68 · 26/12/2018 14:20

Its a handknitted hedgehog which is cute for an 8 yr old....

LostPlatypus · 26/12/2018 14:22

Given that my dad doesn't knit, I'm not quite sure why he thought I'd like a blue tinsel hedgehog (no particular affinity for hedgehogs, lovely as they are) and I'm not sure I'll ever know.

Oh god, I've now got a stunt blue tinsel hedgehog haven't I? Similar to the stunt pineapple but it has to live on my shelves every time my dad visits.