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Original poster

Batshit Christmas shit

56 replies

Cismyfatarse1 · 24/12/2018 22:27

Any Christmas madness. Just stick it here and help us all get through to the other side.

Mine.

Tonight at dinner (DH, MiL, 2 teens, me) we were talking about Scottish Universities and weighing up the different ones DD and a cousin are applying to.

DD mentioned Glasgow.

MiL, very conversationally just responded, "Glasgow is full of Jews."

WTAF.

And she just carried on calmly eating.

No reason to say that because a) it sounded pretty bloody racist / anti Semitic AND b) It is not.....

Anyone else feeling the crazy?

OP posts:
LostPlatypus · 26/12/2018 14:24

RB68 You have nailed it I think. My other presents from my dad (all knitted - why?!) would also be better aimed at an 8 year old, not someone who is closer to 38.

Moussemoose · 26/12/2018 14:27

Toilet brush for definite. You just can't see where the handle goes.

HeronLanyon · 26/12/2018 14:35

The new version of frustration. Don’t know when they did this but it is going straight to charity shop unplayed. I literally can’t believe they did away with the clicky dice thrower. Obvs there are bigger things to worry about but we were all gobsmacked at how awful it now is. Luckily have two old versions (just didn’t have them where I was) and will now treasure them !

Squirrel26 · 26/12/2018 14:36

Is it a knitted novelty Brillo pad?

Theweasleytwins · 26/12/2018 14:38

Its a knitted hedgehog. I brought one for my nana but it was better made and appropriate colours

yawning801 · 26/12/2018 14:42

I was playing truth or dare last night and one of the dares was to make 3 farm animal noises. I did a cow and a sheep, but then I decided to go a bit adventurous for the pig and made a noise which was a cross between Mariah Carey's whistles, my asthmatic wheezing and a hiccup Hmm

Is the hedgehog some sort of hot water bottle? A slightly prickly hot water bottle?

Orangepear · 26/12/2018 14:49

It looks like a polar bear! Does your cat like it?

blueangel1 · 26/12/2018 14:50

I used to have batshit Christmases with the ex ILs. Mil didn't cater for me at all as I am a veggie and she "didn't know what I ate". She didn't even cook extra veggies so I was still bloody starving by the end of the meal. She would also have a tin of chocolates and hand them out one at a time. She also didn't want the telly on - at all, despite that there were usually four gkids in the house. No wonder exh was an alcoholic twat. Grin

LostPlatypus · 26/12/2018 15:31

You are all cheering me up hugely. Smile

Sadly hedgehog is not a hot water bottle. It's literally just a huge blob of tinsel-like wool. And no, my cat doesn't like it. Grin She sniffed it and then stared at it until I moved it. Mind you, she only just about lets me share my own bed, so I really shouldn't be surprised at that one!

I am also shocked that new Frustration doesn't have the clicky dice any more. That was one of the best bits.

Horsemad · 26/12/2018 15:44

We've had a normal straightforward Christmas here but I'm enjoying reading about everyone's batshit Christmas shit!! 😆😆😆

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 15:52

Mil once announced ds (baby) had to have his penis covered at all times or he would get sexual feelings.
At Christmas lunch.
Ds got his own back the next year discussing his newly acquired pubic hair.
Thought fil was actually going to die at the table mid sprout...
Ex ils now thank goodness.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 26/12/2018 15:53

LostPlatypus

The blue hedgehog is definitely an hedgehog. There was a stall at ds4's primary school Christmas Fayre (last year and this year) selling hand knitted animals of various species and sizes.

The sparkly blue hedgehog featured for sale, as well as sparkly pink, brown and sparkly brown etc amongst many other types of animals, both sparkly and more usual colours. They are particularly aimed at children up to the end primary school age or younger and seem to be very popular in our area. (For special events in the shops they are often used in displays, but we live in a small town in a farming area and haven't arrived in the 20th Century in many aspects of everyday life.)

They do have their place and many are cute, but not really aimed at adults, for Christmas presents.

Our ds, aged 8, chose a lovely little penguin chick rather than a gaudy 'tinsellike' tortoise/hedgehog cross.

maz210 · 26/12/2018 16:57

@lost platypus - it's definitely a hedgehog Grin My daughter collects them, I think we've got four now in varying colours.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 26/12/2018 17:09

DGM decided to remind us of her desired funeral arrangements while we were waiting for Christmas Dinner to be served.

Followed up with "where will you have Christmas when I'm dead and gone?" Xmas Shock Xmas Grin

HeronLanyon · 26/12/2018 17:14

Oh bless your DGM. my ma died end of November. Luckily we had had the chat and she knew we would do exactly as she wished. Funeral tomorrow. Exactly what she wanted. This made me laugh about the timing of your DGM’s announcement ! Family, what are they like eh ?? Actually has someone written down what she wants ? Asking cos my sister and I nearly did something ‘wrong’ Then I looked at my scrappy note taken during our family chat last year !! 🤣

JoyceTempleSavage · 26/12/2018 17:15

My DM on the Kylie Christmas special:

She can’t keep a man can she

I’d share DM’s meghan markle opinions but we’d be here all day

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 26/12/2018 17:23

It transpired at Christmas lunch that my mother hates Welsh people. On the plus side, she apparently can't think of anyone else she dislikes but has conveniently forgotten about past disparaging comments about Indian people...

"No mother, these comments are unacceptable."

Rinse and repeat

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 26/12/2018 18:34

Let's just say that DGM is nearing 100 so she's not completely unjustified in announcing funeral plans, but her timing is interesting!

I reassured her that she would be buried with DGF on the basis that we've already bought the plot and DF is too cheap to pay twice Xmas WinkXmas Grin

MincePieMum · 26/12/2018 18:35

@HeronLanyon oh no! DS has his birthday around 2 months ago and a classmate got him Frustration. With the clicky dice. I never played it before and thought 'why don't all board games have this?'.

Is this a dice manufacturers conspiracy? Or maybe a deal with egg cup makers to save their industry from going under?

HeronLanyon · 27/12/2018 00:12

Mince pie mum - Grin re egg cup manufacturers. It worse - still a dice thing in middle but stupid, Losable, plastic plastic paddlentype things to shake dice. No lovely sound etc. Plus while game has been redesigned with stupid characters and little ‘men’. Honestly awful and bewildering why they would ruin its perfection. My ma died very recently and I had to think carefully about what kind of game I could bear. thiught with fondness of Frustration. So upsetting when opened !!

Squirrel26 · 27/12/2018 07:56

We got my dad several books about cricket for Christmas (he likes cricket). He said ‘you can sell all of these when I drop dead. Cricket books sell well, you know.’ Perfectly cheerfully, like the fact that we could sell his books for a few quid on EBay would make up for him no longer being around. Hmm

CigarsofthePharoahs · 27/12/2018 08:49

No crazy this year as it was just me, DH and our two little boys. Much laziness and too much food!
Last year I had to listen to my aunt moaning about the awfulness of my mum's spare bed. Curious as she'd invited herself.
Previous years - trying to cook a turkey in my mum's crappy oven. Has bells and whistles aplenty, but can't get hot enough to roast spuds properly. Also has the annoying "feature" that if you touch one of the program buttons it promptly turns everything off. Everything, including the oven. I think the gas had been off somewhere between 15 minutes to half an hour when I realised. One of my niece's had been messing about nearby and had probably pressed it.
The same niece's who threw big wobblies when Christmas dinner was late.
Oh and that was the year my mum was going loopy from the stress of hosting my aunt for a week and kept running around saying "Oh I've got so much to dooooo!" whilst not doing anything.
She then decided all the cars on the drive needed rearranging and I had to drop what I was doing immediately and move my car, which I couldn't do as I was cooking all the food and had just got to a tricky spot.
So my mum moved my car, reversed it into a wall and broke the rear light. Then accused me of "getting at her" when I pointed it out.
DH and I have unanimously agreed to Never Again have Christmas as my mum's house. She's perfectly welcome here, as is anyone else. But no way am I getting up early on Christmas day to schlep across town, cook a gourmet meal for people who only complain about the mess and washing up, despite everyone else doing the clearing and washing up and who damage your car.
No. No way.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 27/12/2018 08:49

Sorry for the essay.

madeyemoodysmum · 27/12/2018 08:53

Cute. It’s like a Harry Potter creature

Sturmundcalm · 27/12/2018 09:03

in my santa sack from my mum (i'm 44 btw, my mum won't give up!) was a bar of lindt dark chocolate with salted caramel.

which was a nice thought but: i'm dairy-free; it was best before March 2017; and it was half-eaten...