If you're lonely or sad or grieving this Christmas

[ShovingUphill]

I miss my mum (dead) and other shit with immediate family means I won't see any of them. No kids, fertility complications, dunno if it will ever happen, maybe.
I'm very lucky to be with amazing DP and we're having a really lovely time.
It's just when I was much younger, I always thought I had such a close family, and always would, and then things happen or change and you see that's not the case.
Christmas is a cunt for rubbing that in.

Anyone else having mixed feelings? It just outright feeling a bit crap.

Not feeling great this Christmas, DP won't be there and I've just found out my dad is cheating on my mum. Can't ruin Christmas so have to keep it to myself and pretend we're a functional family for now.

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow

I miss my mum too. She died this year. My kids are with their Dad this Christmas. I don't resent that but I do resent them being with the OW.

Yes me, having to have Christmas with idiot ex, who I'm still unfortunately living with whilst trying to salvage something half decent for DD. Trying to ensure she enjoys it a bit but missing being with my parents and bro (who I will at least see on NYE.)

I could have spent Christmas with them but was trying to do the right thing and ensure she got to spend it with both parents, but ex is being an absolute tosser mostly...sigh.

I have Gin.

Feeling a bit rubbish this Christmas too.

Ds is five, this will be his sixth Christmas and mil has, without fail, ruined every Christmas since he was born with her cuntish behaviour.

We're going there tomorrow and tbh I'm dreading it. Just wondering what drama it will be this year.

I'm also not seeing any of my own family (apart from dp and ds) for more than an hour as they're either in other countries or visiting their own in laws.

I used to bloody love Christmas too, even as an adult

I never understood when someone said they had no family support network until I got isolated by oh's upwardly mobile family due to our DC sn. So lonely, especially at Christmas, can't bear to think about his future either. To the point that they removed him from their will.

And oh is of course on their side at Christmas, it's all my fault for wanting children.

Used to spend Christmas in tears, this year trying desperately to hold it together.

I am on my own with Ds, split from my partner a few months ago and he’s got a new woman. I miss him so fricking much right now, but I know he’s with her feeling happy and it’s killing me.

My mum will come in the morning for an hour, but then it’s just me and Ds. I’m so sick of trying to pretend I’m okay when I’m really, really struggling.

Roll on next year eh?!

Yes. My first Christmas without my son. He died last February, so also have that anniversary coming up. Christmas carols in the shops are so hard to take. Am keeping a very tight grip on my tears, or I’d never stop.

Sending all my love to everyone on this thread. This is a really hard time of year for a lot of people ❤

Tribble so sorry for your loss x and op sorry about your mum x i too and feeling crap. Sil died very suddenly aged 40 in January so first Xmas without her. DH has just left for the 1st of 3 night shifts and hopefully will be back by 6am to do presents before heading to bed and leaving me to cook the Xmas dinner (fingers crossed I don't mess it up) and my beloved cat got run over and died on Friday 😪 merry shitmas can't wait for the yr to be over oh and stressing I've got too many or not enough gifts for the kids argh

Tribblesarelovely am sending you the biggest hug I can. I’m so sorry for your loss. And hugs for everyone else as well. My mum died 6 months ago, my dog died a month later (he was only 5-a rare type of doggy cancer) I’m finding it difficult to get into the mood this year.
I didn’t get on with my mum but am finding Christmas without her to be incredibly hard.

My amazing sister died recently, and I’m struggling! I’ve lost a part of myself when she died and I will never get it back. It’s hard trying to keep on top of things and still making it special for the kids while I’m still not 100% convinced I have even began to process her death.

Christmas 🎄 was her favourite time of year, her presents are sat next to the milk and mince pie so Father Christmas can take them up to her in ‘heaven’ as my dc1 didn’t want her aunt not to have any presents this year! (I’m not religious but dc attends a coe school) its incredibly hard looking at her gifts knowing she will never see them!

Life really does suck balls!

Can't be bothered this year. I am making an effort for the Dc but what I really want is to be holed up somewhere with some good books and a sticker drinks cabinet. My mum died in Jan and though we rub each other up the wrong way I Loved her. All seems a bit false this year. Love and peace to all the others on this thread.

I don't feel Christmassy at all this year. I'm forcing it for DD but if I didn't have her I'd happily sleep tomorrow away.

Lost my mum in September and I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing; nothing, no matter what I try, feels right. I miss her terribly.
I've done no decorations (apart from DDs mini tree - for her presents) and apart from lots and lots of treats and a fridge full of booze, I've got nothing festive going on.

Going to DGMs for lunch tomorrow with the extended family and my amazing dad - but doesn't change the fact that my mum won't be there.
The enormity of the situation is utterly overwhelming.
DD has got her cousins surrounding her tomorrow and my DGD is going to take her out on her new scooter, so I'm going to drown my sorrow in Baileys, Vodka and Prosecco.

Hopefully next year will be better - but for now, it's the best I can do.
to you all.

I tick all 3 boxes - lonely, sad and bereaved. I have no family, no partner, no children and have chosen not to see any friends. It'll be just like any other day tomorrow for me.

Sorry to hear of all of the very many losses here x

I am feeling low and it is coming out in anger bouts and then bouts of tears, just feeling overwhelmed and wishing it was all over.
Don't get me wrong I have dh and 3 dc but I can't help but reflect about my losses, my lovely grandparents who brought me up, my late loss a few years ago. I am estranged from both of my parents who were neglectful and abusive (and now divorced) but still I feel a hole somehow. My brother hasn't bothered to get in touch and I have lost friends along the way...who weren't particularly nice but sort of filled a hole at least. I try to talk to dh about all of this (who has also had losses) but I think he is sticking his head in the sand and muddling through as if it is just another day, so literally, no-one to talk to who will at least sympathise = do feel lonely. There is a huge pressure to be happy but really, I feel like I'm going through the motions. I remember Christmas's as a child and they were a million miles away from the one we have now (with loads of family popping in and out/visiting relatives on different days with party type get togethers, with loads of hand baked stuff from grandparents). I made myself feel worse earlier; looking out of the window, I noticed that all my immediate neighbours bar one, were out and about, probably visiting family, no doubt several of them will have visitors tomorrow. I feel sad that my own children don't have this...I should feel grateful for all that I do have and concentrate on that but all I feel is sad.

Sending love to all of you.
My wonderful Mum died 13 weeks ago tomorrow. It was unexpected & fast. I’m dreading tomorrow. We’re driving down to my Dads now with the DDs (5&9)& presents. Knowing that she’s not there is awful & stomach churning. She’s missed my 40th Birthday & my recent surgery & Christmas just seems one thing too many.

My boyfriend died on the 26th of November. I do Christmas early, so I have all of his presents wrapped. The last one came 20 minutes after I found out he'd died. I didn't know what to do so I wrapped it anyway.

My children (not his) are so excited for Christmas. So I am going ahead. I bought a 7 foot tree. I have spent a brutal amount of money. I have invited my entire family and am cooking for everyone. But I feel like I'm sleepwalking, like I'm in two different halves. I don't want it to all be over, because they're so small and happy and excited. I don't want the New year to come, because it's a whole one without him. I'd known him since I was 14 or 15 and suddenly it seems like part of me is missing. I don't want it to all he over and finished, because that's taking him further away, but I'm not quite sure how to do it all either.

Yes, lack of family is really hard this time of year. My sibling is estranged and rather dead. No cousins, one elderly aunt. Xmas will be me, DD (lone parent) and my mum, but we will make it lovely for DD.
Finding certain friends mildly annoying when they announce they are cooking for 17, but that would probably overwhelm me anyway.

I had a stillbirth on Christmas Day 4 years ago. Trying to keep it together for my 3 yr old DD. I'm doing a stellar job when she's awake.

My lovely dad is in intensive care with a blood infection so we are finding it hard to get into the Christmas spirit too. But trying our hardest for our DC. It’s the eight Christmas without my mum and she is still much loved and missed.
Sorry to read about all your sadnesses too. Wishing everyone some peace of mind x

It is a relief just to have spoken of my sadness and grief...this is something that I am missing in real life - on a daily basis, I sort of muddle through and don't really talk to anyone about how sad I feel, but then when there is a 'special' occasion like Christmas or Mother's Day, it just completely sucks! I received counselling after my late loss and this helped greatly but there had to be an end to it - if money was no object, I would definitely find someone to talk to in a counselling capacity again.

I struggle at Christmas and now the dc are older we are just ignoring it. My ds and I are looking forward to the football on boxing day, as is dd who is going with her dad (to watch her favourite team). Then we are all meeting up and having lunch out at a carvery on 27th. Glad the dc are old enough to understand and they are happy for us all to just be together at some point.
Ds and I watched a trashy movie earlier

Yes Autumn, I am looking forward to the after Christmas period...but then New Year's Eve kind of gets me then.