Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

If you're lonely or sad or grieving this Christmas

37 replies

ShovingUphill · 24/12/2018 19:22

I miss my mum (dead) and other shit with immediate family means I won't see any of them. No kids, fertility complications, dunno if it will ever happen, maybe.
I'm very lucky to be with amazing DP and we're having a really lovely time.
It's just when I was much younger, I always thought I had such a close family, and always would, and then things happen or change and you see that's not the case.
Christmas is a cunt for rubbing that in.

Anyone else having mixed feelings? It just outright feeling a bit crap.

OP posts:
twinklebee · 24/12/2018 21:52

I've been putting a brave face on up till now but loneliness, sadness and grief has hit me like a tonne of bricks tonight. Recently lost my mum. No DP or DC. Friends have been useless, everyone forgets about you. So sorry for OP and anyone else feeling like this Thanks

Graphista · 24/12/2018 22:03

Thanks to all who've suffered losses.

Makes me feel a bit of a fraud in my loneliness to be honest as its somewhat self imposed.

I'm a Lp there's just me and dd. I'm also suffering a prolonged bout of agoraphobia and haven't left home in over a year (seriously thinking like fuck am I not sorting it in new year but I'm struggling to get the right support).

I'm living back in my parents home town - which I hate - which I didn't grow up in.

The irony is (you'll get why in a bit) I was persuaded to move here cos "your family are here we'll support you" instead they've mainly added to my stress.

I'm nc with my sister, bro lives down south and never comes up this time of year (supposedly as he's a police officer and can't get a decent amount of time off but I suspect - and totally understand why - it's because we have pretty shitty memories of our drunk dad wrecking Christmas), I'm vlc with our parents anyway, have struggled to make friends here, it's a small town with little migration effect and people tend to stick to family or friends they've known since nursery! They're nice enough to me but I'm very much seen as an "outsider" when it comes to the crunch.

I used to think my family were lovely and close (extended family) but since I became mentally ill and a "single mum benefit scrounger" several relatives massively keep their distance - these are people I was incredibly close to through my childhood and teens even into 20's and I don't even get a card from now. Basically they don't really believe mental illness is a real "thing" and I'm just "dole bludging". They're almost as sceptical of my physical - but invisible - disability too. It makes me equally sad and angry

The friends I'm closest to are a combination of other end of country and elsewhere in Europe. I miss them SO SO much.

So... Basically it's just me and dd tomorrow, dd is out with friends tonight she's almost 18 and understandably doesn't wanna be stuck in with her boring old mum. We act like it suits us to have a quiet Christmas just the 2 of us but it's difficult.

In addition this year dd heard from her dad for first time in several years and I really hoped he might have seen seen the error of his ways to a degree and be making more effort - but nope! Not even a card for her! Git!!!

So tomorrow I will plaster a smile on, give dd her gifts, we'll try and find crappy tv/films we both wanna watch, I'll cook dinner and we'll both just probably be relieved when it's over!

I feel like I've massively let dd down, by moving here, by not being able to get well, by choosing a shitty father for her (though there was no indication he'd be a shitty father she was very much planned and he was a lovely dad until we split), by not making my relatives at least treat her better...

Like I said bit of a fraud for this thread but still lonely and sad.

cafesociety · 24/12/2018 22:33

I shall be on my own, and grieving the loss of a long friendship. Doesn't sound much but I live on my own and have no other close friends so the future is daunting.

Already had a few tears tonight remembering my mother and grandmother, and the Christmas's when I was a kid. And the years when my sons were small.

I think of everyone for whom this is a sad time for whatever reason and hope they find some peace at times in this difficult period.

Cakemonger · 24/12/2018 22:35

My second Christmas estranged from my mum/family after deciding to go no contact for a while. Spending it with a friend (I don't have dc or dp). Lonely and scared about the future but also freer, calmer and stronger than ever before, and relieved not to have to put up with family nonsense anymore.

Christmas is a bugger.

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 24/12/2018 22:42

Thinking of all of you who are struggling this year. The expectation that everyone should enjoy Christmas makes it so much harder.

My husband suffers from depression and Christmas/the whole of December is always awful. I know I’m not alone (we have 3 wonderful children and my family are all local) but I feel incredibly lonely these days

Santasshoe · 24/12/2018 22:47

I'm finding it hard too. I've been a single mum for 18months and it's just getting harder. I'm having to deal with the children fighting and being upset. Ex is being investigated for suspected abuse so I have all the anger and upset from that to deal with. I feel bad and probably sound like it's all about me but I completely broke down today. It's just so hard and lonely and I don't know how to make things better for them.

ParkheadParadise · 24/12/2018 23:04

I used to love Christmas until my dd died. The first Christmas was just awful we didn't celebrate or have any decoration up. It's 3 yrs now and we have dd2 who is 3. I'm learning to smile my way through it.
For me Christmas will never be the same I actually hate it now.
Flowers for everyone who's dreading tomorrow.

Lavenderdays · 24/12/2018 23:17

Yes Cakemonger...I feel just as you described about my estranged family x I hope Christmas will be as peaceful as it possibly can be for everyone facing loss of whatever kind x

GlassHeart1 · 25/12/2018 10:57

Semi-hijack - sitting here in tears and looking for inspiration and ways to cope, please add your ideas what helps you or what would help you..

Ollivander84 · 25/12/2018 11:09

Same old, I'm on my own and working later so I just ignore Christmas really

MrsTommyBanks · 25/12/2018 12:10

I'm all of the above. Struggling with my MH today. My DGM died in October and she was the only person that loved me unconditionally.
Found out last night my sister had a Christmas party I wasn't invited too. Al my family, including my children were there.
My heart is breaking, and it's all because my head doesn't work like there's.
Flowers to everyone on this thread.
Going to take my dog for a walk and imagine it's June.

Cakemonger · 25/12/2018 22:12

Sending Flowers to you Lavenderdays and everyone having a difficult time today x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page