To not really enjoy Christmas Day

[clairebear31]

I always feel slightly depressed at Christmas once kids opened presents and dinner done I spend the day worrying and feeling horrible. I always think everyone else is having a better day than me and I can’t make it great for my family. Added this year I lost my mum and it’s the first Christmas without her. My dad is quite an awkward person too and just generally feel nervous and anxious about it all. Anyone else feel like this?

I enjoy the first 30 minutes whilst my DC open their presents then it's a non stop day of cooking, cleaning up and cabin fever as far as I'm concerned.

Oh yes the cooking ugh!! Right I’m gona man up and get on with it all for the kids sake

I used to find Boxing Day a real anti - climax, and think " Nooo, Christmas is over..." Now I always think " Yay, Christmas is over!!" Roll on, Boxing Day!

I don't particularly like Christmas day either. It was lovely when the kids were young and the excitement of Santa kept them going the whole day and we joined in helping and playing with their toys.
Now they're older once dinner is over its a boring day really with the added hassle of preparing a big dinner and clearing up after!

Sorry about your mum @clairebear31. This year is obviously going to extra difficult for you.
My advice generally though is to lower your expectations and enjoy the day for what it is. Some presents, some food (can anyone help?), a Xmas film or Call the Midwife, doe drinks, and that's it. It's not the most exciting day for most people as there are family obligations. Maybe try a couple of games and do a toast to your mum.

once kids opened presents and dinner done I spend the day worrying and feeling horrible

This is where you are going wrong... Be with the kids while they open their presents, then palm them off with an adult (I throw mine onto DH) and let the drinking/watching crap on TV commence

Im the same. Who really has the kind of Christmas they have on adverts? By boxing day its over. DH and the kids are football fans and that takes up the day.

I find it a difficult/strange day also. There is just too much pressure and build up. Always relieved when it's over.

Not my favourite either, all a bit weird and 'forced fun' happy when it's over!

I love Christmas but we do celebrate Christmas as a Christian festival. We have a firm and beautiful structure to the day which starts with stockings and church - so a strong sense of family, friends and community. I would find presents and turkey for no particular reason a bit hollow too.
I think maybe changing the focus so it wasn’t all about presents for the children might help. Start building traditions that are the children’s memories of their childhood. Go and collect kindling in the woods for the fire or go for a beach walk take your boots off and jump in the shallows. Find a crib service on Christmas Eve - you don’t have to be religious to enjoy angels and shepherds or Carols. It just makes you feel Christmassy. Track Santa on NORAD. Save presents for after lunch to make excitement linger and teach delayed gratification.
Don’t be a slave. You don’t have to cook sprouts if nobody likes them. Have gelato with sprinkles instead of Christmas pudding. Make it a day you all enjoy. I would debate that television and alcohol were the best way to make it feel good but a lovely film like elf with ‘all the trimmings’ (popcorn, fizzy drinks, tickets) might be nicer than Christmas lunch with all the trimmings.

Maybe (again, religious or not) go and light a candle for your mother or do something to celebrate her in your life and acknowledge the gap without becoming maudling. A home candle on your table in her favourite colour. A named bauble on the tree made by the children.

I hate it, the presents (someone always disappointed) the cooking, the forced jollity with step dad, the crap telly.. I can't wait for it to be over .

I don't like it either, to much pressure, too much (extended) family and too much excitement for my kids to cope with!! I do like the sort of festive build up and seeing all the lights, taking the kids to see Santa etc, but the actual just makes me feel anxious and weird.

I've never been a huge lover of Christmas tbh even when I was a kid, I like it because of the family element through sharing a good meal. Everything from, getting stressed over family squabbles / disagreement over traditions and where to have Christmas, the tedious build up. Bah humbug.

This may be unpopular but as someone who grew up in the Southern Hemisphere, I absolutely really hate northern hemisphere christmases even more other than the pretty lights at night. They are just so boring, stuck indoors, watch the same Christmas film love actually , watch the Queen speech, eat a disgusting turkey and go to a boring panto.

Sorry for your loss OP. This year will be particularly tough, but maybe it's a good time to start some new tradition? Maybe play some kind of game, or go for a walk, do something you don't usually do in the afternoon.

And if you think everyone else is enjoying themselves then you've nothing to worry about.

Try to find five minutes to clear your head and do some deep breathing or tense and relax your muscles. This should make you calmer.

You are not alone OP. My mum died 20 years ago and it still throws a shade over Christmas. This year all our plans are up in the air since DH is not speaking to his sister and my MIL is in denial about the state of her dementia. The highlight for me is when the kids open their gifts and our mantra is “it’s only a roast dinner”.

Sending my sympathies to you and your Dad. Raise a glass to her and soon it will be Boxing Day. Next year won’t be so painful.

Also @Cherry raises a good point about religion, I am an atheist so I really do not see why we celebrate Christmas (e.g we do not celebrate Hanukkah etc) unlike birthdays where you look forward to it because it is a celebration.

We have been to a candle service for mum and visiting her grave too. My kids are teens which is lovely really as both are nice and considerate I feel sad they’re missing mum too. But yes I need to just enjoy my family and the day in our own way I’m naturally a quieter person and feel I need to be different

I'm not a Xmas fan. Too much pressure for it to be "nice". Roll on 27th when we can all act normal again ;-))))

I agree re the cabin fever. I always go for a big run in the morning because I know I'll be sitting in the house for the rest of the day which is something I normally hate doing.

I’ve always felt this way. I always feel deflated come Christmas afternoon and absolutely hate the week between Christmas and New Year leaves me feeling very melancholy and low.

I agree it seems a bit hollow without even some religious element. We are not religious but the story of a king being humble and being born in astable a d being important for his moral s and values is a wondeful... Story, at a time of excess.

I also like the pagan thing and the fact we celebrate light at darkest time of year.

It's a big celebration as we near the years end. Marking end of year... Light in time of darkness.... Fc, jesus... Huge melting pot there to draw from it what you will...

I also hate that week between Xmas and New year!!

Same here. Love the whole of December, the music, the films, shopping for presents etc and then Christmas day comes and within an hour from waking up it's all over. Then I get bored. I don't like vegging around all day or stuffing my face until I'm ready to burst. Am looking forward to Call The Midwife though!