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Original poster

Do you ever get over being sexually assaulted?

48 replies

Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 22:47

You probably can. You just never forget?

In my case this is a crap time of year as the person who assaulted me comes home for Christmas. To my area. I hate it.

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 22/12/2018 22:56

I can still remember every detail of the first time it happened, 20 years later. I don't think about it very often but if I hear or read the words sexual assault or rape, i am briefly back there on the landing of my flat with my ex forcing my legs apart and holding me down by his fingers wrapped round my hair. I suppose you do move on, and I don't feel the same sense of fear and confusion when I think about my ex in general. I don't even always remember the assaults when I think of him.

winteryslippers · 22/12/2018 23:02

I think we don't ever forget it, but we adjust ourselves to becoming survivors of it.

Every so often a tv show or news article will unsteady us,
But in general we just learn to survive.

X x

Wineloffa · 22/12/2018 23:07

It happened to me 18 years ago. For about 10 years afterwards I would say I suffered from PTSD, flashbacks, nightmares, feelings of being uncomfortable around men. I couldn’t bear being chatted up or even being complimented. Any male attention made my skin crawl. However, things slowly improved for me and now I’ve come to terms with it. It happened, it was horrific but it doesn’t dominate my life and doesn’t really affect me day to day anymore. This year for the first year ever the anniversary of the incident totally bypassed me which was was a huge step.

Original poster
Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 23:15

I’m sad so many of us were victims. Fucking torturous crime. Mostly without justice. Sigh.

OP posts:
StrumpersPlunkett · 22/12/2018 23:19

34 years ago and I haven’t forgotten.
I have forgiven myself after years of therapy and ptsd.
It doesn’t dominate my life any more.
In reality having a total breakdown 10 years ago was the best thing to ever happen to me. It meant help was given even though I didn’t want it.

Original poster
Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 23:21

I’m still fucking angry with myself for not seeing the red flags and danger signs. But my childhood dIdnt prepare me for being wise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 23:22

I’m really sorry for each of you that suffered at the hands of another. I personally think it’s a theft like no other. I know it literally stopped me in my tracks for years - emotionally, physically and sexually.

OP posts:
MintEye · 22/12/2018 23:25

I want to say yes, but honestly, I haven't. I doubt I ever will. The MH difficulties that I've developed as a result get harder and harder to deal with each year.

So, I think you can move on with a lot of work and effort. I don't think you can forget. I hope you're ok OP, and everyone else who's suffered Flowers

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:27

Sorry you went through this Flowers is your life otherwise good? Family? You don't have to literally engage with the abuser do you?

Original poster
Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 23:28

Bless you. You too.

I am ok but I get really pissed off.

I worry that some porn fuels violence. I know it did with regards to him towards me.

I worry for the women / girls behind me and the affect on their mental health,

He fucked with my head not just my body and I wish I could safeguard others behind me. I just don’t know how,

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 22/12/2018 23:30

I havent forgotten but it doesnt impact on my daily life in anyway so I guess you could say I got over it.

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:31

This sounds really harsh - but you can't fix everyone and everything. Heal you first. Get you in a good place. Then you can think about giving yourself to a worthy cause. He doesn't own you. You own yourself. Don't let this one abuser own you, your feelings or your future.

Original poster
Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 23:32

No. I don’t engage. Just dread bumping into him. I have a good life now: love, kids, better mental health. I am thankful for that.

OP posts:
supermodel · 22/12/2018 23:35

No.

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:35

Have you ever reported your assault to the police? Do other family members know?

Original poster
Thisisit777 · 22/12/2018 23:40

I didn’t.

Long ago.

Kinda. Was brushed under carpet

OP posts:
limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:44

@supermodel 'no' "is harsh. I think you can. I've been in a couple of situations that constitute sexual assault. It affected me of course. But In my case I was under the influence of alcohol which I feel Is different to not being under the influence (rightly or wrongly) It seems you have a family and lots of love in your life. I think that can help you heal. Deep down you know you didn't deserve what happened to you. You know you're not at fault. Bad things happened and you survived them. Enough to build a family and relationships. Please don't let it affect your future

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:47

Ps same here. I never reported either. Partly because of being under the influence of alcohol partly due to the 'drama', it would create. I can't handle drama and would have had no support. Anyway. Back to your situation. If you never reported it and got justice- do you not think counselling may just help 'put it to bed' as it were? Help you move on from it and be able to speak about it frankly and deal with the emotions it's churned up. See these emotions are what you're left plagued with

QueenOnAPlate · 22/12/2018 23:51

I’m a Foster Carer and have sadly looked after lots of young people who have been sexually assaulted. I wouldn’t say they ‘get over it’ but generally mine have eventually been able to move forward in their lives and are happy. There are triggers that set them back, but with support they do move forward again - I think learning that it does get worse sometimes, but it will pass can be very helpful.

This may be contentious, but reporting assault/ abuse has not generally been helpful for my children. The process is very traumatic ( especially the examination) and there hadn’t been a single conviction, despite what I would consider to be overwhelming evidence in several cases.

You have to be kind to yourself, and if possible let those around you know you are struggling so they can support you, but just because you are struggling at the moment, it doesn’t mean things won’t get better in time.

IamPickleRick · 22/12/2018 23:53

I would say I am over mine. It wasn’t that significant in comparison to some people’s experiences. I’ve had worse done to me emotionally that I am not over though. Flowers to you all x

EstuaryBird · 23/12/2018 00:06

1968, I was 13, typical stranger rape, dragged off street into a lock up garage. Never reported it, not something you did back then because it was like being taped again.
It has affected me all my life really. I have had an uncomfortable relationship with sex lurching from promiscuity to abstinence and back constantly.
63 now and been with DP for nearly 30 years so did eventually settle but it never goes away really. Still feel very nervous about men who are drunk or smell of booze.

EstuaryBird · 23/12/2018 00:07

raped again, not taped again.

lactobacillus · 23/12/2018 04:42

Similar to EstuaryBird...I don’t like being around men who appear drunk or smell of booze, and I also go through phases of abstinence and promiscuity. Currently in the abstinence phase. Sometimes I feel very unusual, like I get upset or annoyed at hearing my friends talk about sex like it’s something fun or nonchalant. I didn’t understand these things about myself until I was much older and read more about childhood/sexual abuse. All of them are common. I’m not quite sure how to get over it completely, although I know there are many self-help books that make claims to be able to do so.

Nat6999 · 23/12/2018 04:52

Mine was 8 years ago, my so called husband. Most of the time now I don't think about it but every year on May 7 I have nightmares, if I shut my eyes I can see the bedding we had on, sometimes if I smell the same aftershave it flashes through my head. You don't ever forget it, you try to put it away in a locked box in the back of your mind & get on with the rest of your life.

Sleephead1 · 23/12/2018 07:13

sorry to hear about all these awful stories.Mine was not as serious as others and i don't think he raped me but I was drunk and asleep so not sure exactly what he did, as I went to sleep that night alone and woke the next morning to his fingers inside me and in lots of pain. I was 17 and I'm in my 30s now. For me I think I just wish i could ask why and what exactly happened he was my friend and I just don't understand it. I think I will always feel ashamed of my reaction as I did nothing and said nothing and I'm angry I didn't confront him.