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Original poster

Is this a normal way to interact/was I in the wrong?

47 replies

dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:08

Background: MNers have identified my DH as being abusive but I don't even know what is normal anymore.

I was giving DD lunch while he installed a security camera in the sitting room. I felt an emergency tampon leak and asked if could come stay with DD for a minute. He responded with mild irritation, "OK".

I waited a minute or two and heard no movement. I said, probably sounding a bit irritated, "are you coming?"

He responded quite angrily that he was in the middle of something, he was COMING etc. He did come and watch DD but said it wasn't clear I wanted him right then and that I was nagging and mean

Was I wrong here? Are these kinds of interactions normal?

OP posts:
Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 12:12

Why a security camera in your house?

RangeRider · 22/12/2018 12:12

Sounds normal to me. It's annoying to be expected to drop everything when you're in the middle of a job and unless you actually told him how desperate it was when you asked him to come then it's not unreasonable for him for to get to a convenient stopping point.

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:13

There have been burglaries recently. It's in case someone jimmies open a window I guess

OP posts:
MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:13

Why is he putting a camera in your living room?
Fuck that shit.

MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:14

Is he controlling?

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 12:15

Are you that naive?

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:15

Should he have said that he would be a minute?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 22/12/2018 12:16

I was recommended to use security cameras outside your house to catch people breaking in.
Once they are in, you really don t want to see what they are doing to your stuff!

guineapig1 · 22/12/2018 12:17

In the course of a normal relationship the interaction you describe could easily be a simple misunderstanding. However against the background of previous concerns regarding an abusive husband and him installing a security camera inside the house, it does sound concerning. Do you have any friends or family you can reach out to?

MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:17

The issue with how he responded to you asking him for help is the least of your issues.

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:18

Actually it's a motion detector. My bad.

OP posts:
MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:19

A motion detector with a camera?

strawberryblondebint · 22/12/2018 12:19

In my house it would go something like this ...
"Honey can you watch the baby as I have an emergency loo situation?"

"Two secs sweetie"
Cheers

Boom! No aggression. No misunderstanding

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:22

I think it's just a motion detector. That was a side point!

OP posts:
MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:25

Ok.
The conversation could be entirely normal for some people. Or a bit bullying for others. You wasn't being mean imo.

H1dingInSight · 22/12/2018 12:25

Seriously, it’s so very much not a side point.

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:26

The security camera is going outside and the motion detector is in the living room. I was being silly and confused about this point.

He is controlling but not jealous or anything iyswim

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/12/2018 12:27

It seems like a normal misunderstanding to me, he was in the middle of something, you should have made it clear you wanted him to drop it and come immediately. Most folks finish up what they are doing unless told it's incredibley urgent.

MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:33

I do think, and I say this with good intent and gently, that if you are questioning such a small thing, he is massively messing with your head. And that is something you might need to look at Flowers

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:42

MrsTommyBanks thanks - I think he is messing with my head but I'm not sure if I'm also oversensitive

OP posts:
ohwellinthatcasetryprunes · 22/12/2018 12:50

I think he is messing with my head

Yes, he is. That's why you think you might be oversensitive. Oh, and by the way I'm rather concerned that his reasons for installing a security camera and motion sensor are not what he tells you they are.

He will now be able to monitor you. When you come and go from the house, whereabouts in the house you are, what you are doing - are you comfortable with that? Because I damn well wouldn't be.

MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 12:51

I think he is making you feel that way.
Have you heard of the freedom programme?
I think it would really help you to know if your being oversensitive or not.
I've been where you are and it massively helped me Flowers
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/&ved=2ahUKEwiM2oHKvLPfAhXdURUIHWhEAIIQFjAAegQIBxAD&usg=AOvVaw02qVWgV8V_2CVCycZgcLee" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/&ved=2ahUKEwiM2oHKvLPfAhXdURUIHWhEAIIQFjAAegQIBxAD&usg=AOvVaw02qVWgV8V_2CVCycZgcLee

Original poster
dellacucina · 22/12/2018 12:54

TBF he has been attending neighbourhood watch meetings and there has been an uptick in burglaries on our road.

OP posts:
SirGawain · 22/12/2018 12:55

When she asks for help/attendance Lady Gawain never make it clear whether she simply wants my presence, in which case I’ll come as soon as I can, or whether it’s the house is on fire/I’m bleeding to death/having a heart attack and will get their yesterday. The result is that I get rebuked for getting it wrong but she cannot see my point that she needs to be more explicit.

Reccy2018 · 22/12/2018 12:57

Are you the husband, Sir??

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