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Original poster

What age did you / would you let your child drink?

60 replies

thaegumathteth · 22/12/2018 07:29

Ds is 12 (just)!-dh thinks he should be allowed a glass of cider at Christmas. I don’t think I like the idea .... he’s had sips of things but never a full glass.

What do you think?

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 22/12/2018 08:30

Interesting thread here! Me and DH currently at loggerheads over our 14yo and drinking. I had started to let him have a small shandy at family gatherings and special occasions. Thought I was teaching him to drink responsibly until he came home a few weeks ago literally unable to stand after necking vodka in the park.

I think we should continue to try teach him to drink responsibly. DH thinks total ban on alcohol.

Good to see what other parents are doing!

AnneEyhtMeyer · 22/12/2018 08:30

I'm stunned at some of these answers. 15? 16? I was getting served in pubs by that age.

I was a child in the 70s, so had sips of my dad's beer from a very young age. By 5 or 6 my great aunt would bring me a little 4- pack of Babycham when she came to visit (about once a month).

My DD is 10 and I would happily let her have a glass of something on special occasions but she's not interested (only drinks water and milk).

Among my teenage friends it was the ones not allowed to have alcohol at home who ended up going crazy and getting their stomachs pumped.

Earlywalker · 22/12/2018 08:37

Among my teenage friends it was the ones not allowed to have alcohol at home who ended up going crazy and getting their stomachs pumped.

Yes me too!

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 08:39

16 but they were all drinking cheap alchopops and boxed wine with their friends from 13-14ish which we were always aware of.

goldengummybear · 22/12/2018 08:40

Has your 12 year old asked? Mine has asked for sips out of curiousity but never a glass.

His 15 year old sister has asked and will be allowed a glass on Xmas Eve and New Year's Eve.

Original poster
thaegumathteth · 22/12/2018 10:06

Thanks all. He has asked but in a joking what because I think he knows I’d say no.

We won’t be doing it this year, I’m just really not comfortable with it. Something a pop said though made me realise I was getting served in pubs at 15 too. .... 12 is much much younger though.

OP posts:
blueskiesandforests · 22/12/2018 10:21

We'll allow beer from 16 - we live in a country where 16 year olds can buy beer, but nothing stronger. Nothing sweet either - won't be suggesting a lemonade shandy or cider! It's good that beer has a taste children don't like! We let them try a sip of our beer when they expressed interest at any age (not toddlers but dc3 asked recently and tried a tiny sip at age 7). The point of this is that they don't like it - cider carries a high risk of tasting good to a 12 year old! 13 and 11 year old have also tried and not liked a sip of our undiluted wine - mixing it can make it too "child friendly" I think!

I'm not at all sure what "works" to teach kids to have a wary respect and be sensible with alcohol outside the home. I was allowed diluted and then small glasses of wine on special occasions, not often, from 11, my parents drank only in moderation when I was growing up and my mother always very vocally and extensively proclaimed that wine made her sleepy and gave her a headache but I still binge drank for years in my late teens and early 20s. I think it may be a slightly addictive personality trait a lot of people have. I have an old school friend who's teetotal father didn't allow alcohol in the house and her brother became an alcoholic and later drug addict Obviously modelling sensible drinking or not drinking as parents is better and being an alcoholic is extremely bad, as a parent, but beyond that I'm not sure it makes a difference whether or not a 15 year old is allowed a glass of wine once in a blue moon or not...

Squigglicious · 22/12/2018 10:44

I think whether you turn out being a problem drinker is a bit down to who you are (isn’t everything?). However, when I was drinking so much I was very ill I was 16 and did silly things while out with friends.
A man I lived with at uni in student accomodation was new to alcohol and what he did to our home does not bear thinking about. I was bored of drinking by when it was legal.

Molakai · 22/12/2018 10:59

I wouldn't go much by anecdotal evidence. You will get accounts of every combination: of relaxed / strict parental attitide and sensible / binge drinking DCs. We've got them already on this thread.

I'm also waiting for the examples of european culture and drinking which is so different to much of the uk's attitude and culture related to alcohol.

The general advice is very clear: drinking earlier is associated with greater risk of problems with alcohol later. Also, children should not start drinking before 15

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/should-my-child-drink-alcohol/

Of course you will find loads of anecdotal examples that would appear to contradict this, but that is just how statistics work. No one is saying it is a certaintity either way - but most parents want to do what is shown to statistically reduce the likelihood of harm.

So, no way would I actively encourage drinking at 12 and would actively encourage delaying as long as possible after 15.

PoptartPoptart · 22/12/2018 11:12

By mixing alcohol with lemonade etc it makes it taste nicer, therefore they like it and want more.
I let DS have a sip of whatever I was drinking if he asked about the age of 9. Not diluted, just a sip of wine or beer etc.
He hated it and therefore now, at the age of 14, he isn’t interested in alcohol as he says he doesn’t like it.

kaytee87 · 22/12/2018 11:26

I can't get over the poster who was brought a 4 pack of babycham by 5/6yo. That's so awful.
I mean why not a dolly or even chocolate?

kaytee87 · 22/12/2018 11:32

Babycham was 8.3% in the 70s 😱

Gimmeesugar · 22/12/2018 11:33

I used to drink in the pub at 14 (in the 90’s) and my mum would help me buy a quality bottle of Lambrini for a party. By 16 off-licences were easily serving us.

ErictheGuineaPig · 22/12/2018 11:40

Where is the research that says letting kids drink alcohol stops them from abusing it? I'd be genuinely interested in seeing it.

I have an almost 14 year old who has kids in her year who drink - some have parents who buy them alcohol.

Not a chance I'll be doing that. We have a fucked up attitude to alcohol consumption in this country and I won't be helping or encouraging my kids to get drunk. I understand I may not be able to stop them, but I won't be actively helping them either.

Amaaboutthis · 22/12/2018 11:41

I allow my 16 year old a beer and he seems to be quite sensible about it so far.

donajimena · 22/12/2018 11:45

Eric well said. I should have said in my earlier post. I had a fucked up attitude to alcohol. I don't drink now. I was allowed at home though not much. I'll do everything I can do discourage it but I appreciate I won't always have that control.

ChelseaBabbage · 22/12/2018 12:07

Mine are now in their 20s so I am the other side of this dilemma.

They grew up seeing DH and I drink regularly though not get drunk. They were allowed to try a small drink at around 14 at Christmas and on holiday were allowed a beer but neither really liked it. From 16 they started going to parties where alcohol was taken. They would have a fruit cider or WKD.
I use to lecture them endlessly try and educate them about the pitfalls of alcohol while not banning it. How it can affect people differently, affect decision making.
Neither had too much to drink before they were 18 although they both had a few occasions at uni when they had too much.

Now they drink very little. Certainly less than I did at that age. They will go weeks or months without a drink and have fairly healthy attitudes to it.
Is this down to my parenting or just luck? Who knows.

Molakai · 22/12/2018 12:14

ErictheGuineaPig as I posted earlier - the research actually goes against the notion that letting kids drink alcohol stops them from abusing it

I totally agree with you that We have a fucked up attitude to alcohol consumption in this country The fact that alcohol is introduced to kids at special occasions creates an association and gives the message that aclohol and having a good time go hand in hand.

PippilottaLongstocking · 22/12/2018 12:17

12 is too young imo, I’d say the odd glass with a meal from 15ish

RedPandaMama · 22/12/2018 12:23

My DD is only 1 so nowhere near there yet, but I think I'll be quite relaxed about it and allow her to try if she asks. My parents were always very much Alcohol Is Bad And Will Kill You so never allowed me to have it, even at family parties at 14/15/16. Probably my motivation to drink bottles of wine in the park with my friends from 14 resulting in a few really scary binge drinking episodes when I was 16 and 17 - one example, didn't know sambuca was a spirit so drink a tall glass of it at a party on an empty stomach. No recollection of that night at all.

My partner and his family were very relaxed. He's never been in such states as I have and has always known his limits, only ever has three or four beers max when he goes out now, at 28.

Molakai · 22/12/2018 12:45

Why would you base an important, health-based parenting decision purely on the experiences of you and your DP, rather than consider research and guidance offered by health experts, RedPandaMama ?

50 years ago I was put in a cot in another room from my parents and slept on my front. I survived perfectly well. But research has shown that the risk of SIDS is reduced by (amongst other things) baby sleeping on their front and in the same room as parent till 6 months. That is the advice I followed when I had my DC.

Molakai · 22/12/2018 12:46

aaargh!!! baby sleeping on their back!!!

juneau · 22/12/2018 12:50

We allow sips from glasses (DS1 is 11 and likes to try things). A proper glass to himself - I reckon around 14/15 for something like cider and only on special occasions like Christmas. My parents were very relaxed about alcohol when I was growing up and I was allowed a drink on special occasions at around that age.

I'd far rather teach my DC responsible drinking at home than ban alcohol and have them drinking White Lightning in the bus shelter or the local park with their mates!

WhatHaveIFound · 22/12/2018 12:58

We've allowed DD to have a glass of fizzy or a can of cider since she was 16 but she only drinks on special occasions.

I grew up in dry household and was very reckless drinking in my mid-late teens. I'm keen for my DC not to end up the same!

Reallybadidea · 22/12/2018 13:08

The general advice is very clear: drinking earlier is associated with greater risk of problems with alcohol later. Also, children should not start drinking before 15

I haven't read the studies that the advice is based on, but it would be interesting to know whether there is a causative relationship between drinking alcohol at an early age and problems later on. Or whether drinking alcohol early on is associated with being brought up in a family with the sorts of social issues associated with having problems later on. Correlation doesn't equal causation etc.

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